Check, Please: Navigating The Etiquette Of Gifting A Check To The Wedding Couple

There are a few things to consider when writing a cheque as a wedding gift to ensure the couple can easily cash the gift. It's best to write the cheque to only one person, using their pre-married name, and to use the word 'or' instead of 'and' if you do write the cheque out to both people. It's also a good idea to include a note with the cheque, and to put it in a card or gift wrap it.

Use 'or' instead of 'and' between names

When writing a cheque to a wedding couple, it's important to use the word "or" instead of "and" between their names. This ensures that either member of the couple can deposit the cheque into their individual bank accounts without requiring a joint account. Using "and" between their names would mean that both individuals would have to be present at the time of deposit or have a joint account in both of their names.

"Kim Jones or Jackie Garcia"

This format guarantees that the couple can easily deposit the cheque, even if they have not yet set up a joint bank account. It also avoids any potential issues that may arise if one member of the couple decides not to change their last name or delays the name-changing process.

Additionally, it is recommended to use the couple's premarital or maiden names on the cheque, as they may want to cash it before or after their honeymoon. Using their premarital names ensures that the cheque can be deposited without any complications or delays.

When writing a cheque as a wedding gift, it is also essential to include a personal touch. Put the cheque in a greeting card and write a heartfelt message inside. This adds a thoughtful gesture to your gift.

Avoid 'Mr & Mrs'

When addressing a cheque to a wedding couple, it is important to consider the practicalities of the couple successfully depositing the money. It is also important to consider the couple's preferences and feelings, and how to convey your congratulations and best wishes in a thoughtful way.

Avoiding Mr & Mrs

The traditional form of addressing a married couple as "Mr and Mrs [husband's first name] [husband's last name]" is becoming outdated and can cause practical issues for the couple when depositing the cheque. It is best to avoid this form of address.

If the couple has the same last name, you can address the envelope to both their first names, e.g. "Adam and Ruben Martinez". Alternatively, you can use their titles and last name, e.g. "Mr and Ms Gaiman". If you are close to the couple, you could also address the envelope to their first names only, e.g. "Ava and Mark".

If the couple has different last names, use both their full names, joined by "and", e.g. "Ms Anna Smith and Mr Henry Jones". The order of the names does not matter and can be chosen based on your closeness to each individual. If the couple has a hyphenated last name, include both their first names, e.g. "Mr Matthew Vargas and Ms Sofia Townsend-Vargas".

If you are addressing the couple along with their family, you can simply add "and Family" after their names, e.g. "Ava and Mark Lee and Family".

Other Considerations

It is also important to consider the couple's name preferences. If the couple is planning to change their names after the wedding, they may not have done so by the time they receive your cheque. It is best to use their pre-married names to avoid any issues with depositing the cheque.

Additionally, consider including a thoughtful note with your cheque. This can be done by putting the cheque in a greeting card and writing a personal message inside. You can also make the cheque amount meaningful to the couple, perhaps by gifting them enough money to have dinner at your favourite restaurant.

Use pre-married names

When writing a check as a wedding gift, it is important to use the couple's pre-married names. This is because, even if someone intends to change their name after marriage, the name-changing process takes time. Using their pre-married names will ensure that the couple can cash the check without any issues. Here are some tips to keep in mind:

• Use both members of the couple's pre-married names on the check. This is especially important if only one of them is making the trip to the bank, as it allows either person to deposit the check.
• Avoid assuming that a heterosexual couple has followed the traditional route of the bride taking the husband's last name. Similarly, avoid assuming that a couple has hyphenated their last names in alphabetical order. Instead, double-check the names with someone close to the couple or use their pre-married names.
• When writing the names on the check, use the conjunction "or" instead of "and". For example, write "Kim Jones or Jackie Garcia". This ensures that either person can deposit the check into their account without requiring both to be present or having a joint account.
• If you are unsure about the names or want to avoid potential issues, you can address the check to just one member of the couple. You can choose the person you feel closest to or consider the very traditional orientation of sending gifts to the bride using her maiden name.
• If writing the check to only one person, you can use the memo line to indicate that it is a wedding gift for the couple.
• If you know the couple's preference for their names, such as if they plan to share a last name, it is good etiquette to address them as they wish to be addressed.
• Mailing the check is a safe way to ensure it reaches the couple. You can mail it before or shortly after the wedding, but it is best not to wait more than three months post-wedding.

Include a personal message

Including a personal message with your wedding gift is a great way to add a thoughtful touch. Here are some ideas for what to write in your card:

Formal Wishes

• "Wishing you a lifetime of love and happiness."
• "Your wedding day will come and go, but may your love forever grow."
• "May your love grow stronger each and every passing year."
• "Here's to a lifetime full of happiness and love."
• "Wishing you a long and happy marriage."
• "May the true love you share today grow stronger as you grow old together."

Casual Wishes

• "We/I are/am so happy for the two of you!"
• "We/I can't wait to see the two of you do life together!"
• "Cheers to the rest of your life as partners!"
• "You guys did the damn thing. Thanks so much for inviting us along!"
• "Lots of love to you both!"
• "Wishing you both the very best, today, tomorrow, and every day."

Funny Wishes

• "Thanks for inviting [us/me] to eat and drink while you get married. Congrats!"
• "You two make almost as good of a team as the [their favourite sports team]."
• "Our marriage advice: Love, honour and… scrub the toilet."
• "Congratulations—your wedding successfully made me sob like a baby."
• "Is someone cutting onions? Never mind, those would be my happy tears."

Inspirational Wishes

• "Your love inspires me—here's to my favourite couple."
• "You've come so far and your future together is so bright. Happy wedding day."
• "Talk about the wedding of the century! Same time next year for your anniversary?"
• "I can't wait to see how the rest of your love story unfolds."
• "Your love is truly one-of-a-kind."
• "You two were simply made for each other."

Religious Wishes

• "May your marriage be blessed!"
• "Love is the greatest blessing—cherish and cultivate it."
• "Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love." —Ephesians 4:2
• "I have found the one whom my soul loves." —Song of Solomon 3:4
• "And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love." —1 Corinthians 13:13

Mail the check

Mailing a check as a wedding gift is a great way to ensure that your gift doesn't get misplaced at the wedding. It's also a convenient option if you're travelling to the wedding, as you don't have to worry about transporting a bulky gift. Here are some tips for mailing a check to the happy couple:

Timing

It is appropriate to mail a check any time before the wedding or shortly after the wedding. It is recommended to send it within three months of the wedding.

Addressing the Envelope

Address the envelope to a permanent address where you know one or both members of the couple will receive the check. If you are sending the check before the wedding, address it to the bride or groom's pre-married name, not their married name, as they are not yet married.

Amount

Decide on an amount that is appropriate for your relationship with the couple and your financial situation. Traditional etiquette suggests $50-75 for distant relatives or acquaintances, $75-100 for relatives or friends, and $100-150 for close relatives or friends. You can also give an amount that has a special meaning to you and the couple, such as the cost of dinner at your favourite restaurant.

Presentation

Place the check inside a greeting card with a personal message. You can also gift-wrap the check and put it in a small box. This adds a thoughtful touch and makes it less likely to be lost. Include your name and address on the envelope and card.

Writing the Check

Make the check out to only one person, so they don't have to wait for a joint account to be set up before cashing it. Use their pre-married name to avoid any issues with name changes. Use the word "or" instead of "and" between their names to ensure either person can cash the check. Ensure you have sufficient funds in your account!

Frequently asked questions