Crafting Jewish Wedding Vows: A Guide To Personalizing Your Ceremony

Jewish wedding vows are often non-traditional, with no spoken exchange of vows at the ceremony. Instead, the covenant is implicit in the ritual. However, modern couples are increasingly adding their own vows to the ceremony.

The key moments of the marriage union are the ring exchange and the Seven Blessings, often recited in Hebrew. During a Jewish wedding, the couple may say I am my beloved's and my beloved is mine in Hebrew as they exchange rings.

The role of the ketubah, a written marriage contract, in Jewish wedding vows

The ketubah is a Jewish marriage contract and an integral part of a traditional Jewish marriage. It outlines the groom's responsibilities in relation to the bride and is signed by the couple during their wedding ceremony.

The ketubah is a unilateral agreement drawn by witnesses in accordance with Jewish civil law. It is not a ceremonial document of scripture or prayer, but a statement of law that provides the framework for love in a marriage.

The ketubah is a written document that includes the groom's promises to provide his wife with food, clothing, and conjugal rights, which are inseparable from marriage. It also includes the husband's guarantees to pay a certain sum in the event of divorce and inheritance rights obligatory upon his heirs in case he dies before his wife.

The ketubah is not a mutual agreement; the wife agrees only to accept the husband's proposal of marriage. It is not an affirmation of perpetual love but a charter of women's rights in marriage and of men's duties.

In modern practice, the ketubah has no agreed monetary value and is seldom enforced by civil courts outside of Israel. However, it remains a significant and popular form of Jewish ceremonial art, with couples choosing the styles and decorations on their ketubah to represent their personal styles.

The ketubah is usually framed and hung in a place of honour within the couple's household after the wedding ceremony.

The ring exchange

The ring is placed on the index finger of the right hand, symbolising the acceptance of the verbal vow with the binding of the physical object. The ring is usually made of plain gold, without any adornments, reflecting the unbroken circle of a pure and eternal union.

During the ring exchange, the groom or bride says:

> "Behold, by this ring you are consecrated to me as my wife/husband according to the laws of Moses and Israel."

In Hebrew, this is:

> "Haray at m'kudeshet li b'taba'at zo k'dat Mosheh v'Yisrael."

A more modern, gender-neutral version of this is:

> "Behold, you are holy to me."

> "Harei atah mekudash li [to a man] or Harei at mekudash li [to a woman]."

Some couples also add personal statements to each other during the ring exchange. For example:

> "I, [name], take you, [name], my friend, to be my beloved wife/husband, to love, cherish and trust all my days. [name], I give you this ring as a sign of our covenant with each other, and so that all may know of our love for one another. With my body, heart, mind and spirit, I will honour you, cherish you, and stay with you all my days."

In progressive Jewish movements, couples may adapt the ceremony to include a Biblical verse from the Song of Songs:

> "I am my beloved's and my beloved is mine."

> "Anee L'Dohdee V'Dohdee Lee."

The seven blessings

• Blessed are You, Lord our God, Ruler of the Universe, who creates the fruit of the vine.
• Blessed are You, Lord our God, Ruler of the Universe, who created everything for His glory.
• Blessed are You, Lord our God, Ruler of the Universe, who created humanity.
• Blessed are You, Lord our God, Ruler of the Universe, who created humanity in His image, in the image of the likeness of His form, and made for them an everlasting establishment. Blessed are You, Lord, who created humanity.
• May the barren one (Jerusalem) rejoice greatly and delight in the ingathering of her children within her in joy. Blessed are You Lord who causes Zion to rejoice with her children.
• The loving partners shall rejoice as You caused your creatures to delight in the Garden of Eden of old. Blessed are You Lord who causes the groom and bride to rejoice.
• Blessed are You, Lord our God, Ruler of the Universe, who creates happiness and joy, groom and bride. Exultation, delight, amusement, and pleasure, love and brotherhood, peace and friendship. Soon, Lord our God, may the sound of happiness and the sound of joy and the voice of the groom and the voice of the bride be heard in the cities of Judah and the streets of Jerusalem — the rejoicing of the groom from their huppahs and youths from their singing banquets. Blessed are You Lord who makes the groom rejoice with the bride.

Many couples ask friends or family members to recite the blessings, or they may invite guests to read them from a wedding program.

The groom's vows

Jewish wedding vows are not historically spoken during the ceremony, but modern couples are increasingly choosing to add their own vows. Here is an example of what the groom's vows could look like:

"I, [groom's name], take you, [bride's name], to be my wife. With this ring, I give you my heart and my soul. I promise to cherish and protect you, to care for you, and to support you, whether in good fortune or adversity. I will strive to be a loving, tolerant, patient, honest, fair, and loyal partner. I will respect our differences and share my strengths with you, and I will always remember our sense of humour. I will love and honour you all the days of my life."

The groom could also include a reference to the ketubah, the Jewish marriage contract, which is signed before the wedding ceremony. The ketubah outlines the groom's responsibilities to his bride and can be reimagined as a loving statement of mutual commitment. The groom could say something like:

"I promise to uphold the commitments made in our ketubah. I will always respect and protect you, and I will provide for you and support you in all areas of our life together. I will love and honour you, and I will strive to be a faithful and loyal partner."

The groom might also want to include a reference to the chuppah, the altar under which the couple exchanges their vows. The chuppah symbolises the new home that the couple is building together. The groom could say:

"I promise to build a home with you that is filled with love, joy, and peace. I will support you and care for you, and I will always be by your side, no matter what challenges we face. Together, we will create a warm and welcoming space for our family and friends."

Finally, the groom might want to include a reference to the Sheva B'rachot, the seven blessings that are recited during the wedding ceremony. These blessings focus on joy, celebration, and the power of love. The groom could say:

"I promise to bring joy and happiness into our marriage and to always celebrate and honour our love. I will strive to be a source of support and companionship for you, and I will always cherish and respect you. May our love be a blessing to those around us, and may we always find strength and comfort in our family and friends."

The bride's vows

Jewish wedding vows are not historically spoken during the ceremony, but modern couples are increasingly choosing to add their own vows. Here is an example of a bride's vows:

"I, [name], take you, [name], to be my husband. With my body, heart, mind and spirit, I will honour you, cherish you, and stay with you all my days.

I give you this ring as a sign of our covenant with each other, and so that all may know of our love for one another. I promise to cherish, honour and support you, striving always to be a loving, tolerant, patient, honest, fair and loyal partner.

I consecrate myself to you, entering into a sacred covenant of love, trust and commitment. Respecting our differences and sharing our strengths, we will together meet life's challenges. May we always remember our sense of humour and may laughter be ever present in our lives.

United in body and spirit, we will weave a tapestry of celebration, sanctifying the cycle of our years and the seasons of our lives. As we work for tikkun olam, repairing the world, may God protect and guide us on our life's journey, blessing our hearts with happiness, our minds with wisdom, and our home with abundance and peace. May we always share these blessings with our loved ones and all those whom we meet."

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