Bridal Shower And Wedding: Double The Fun, Double The Gifts

Bridal showers are pre-wedding events that are usually held a few weeks to a few months before the wedding. They are considered one of the most important events leading up to the big day. It is a time for the bride's closest friends and family to gather and celebrate the bride-to-be, play games, give advice, and shower her with gifts to help her start her married life. While it is generally considered a faux pas to invite someone to a bridal shower and not the wedding, there are exceptions to this rule, such as in the case of elopements, micro weddings, or destination weddings.

Bridal shower guest list: who to invite and who not to invite

Bridal showers are intimate, celebratory gatherings, and the guest list should reflect that sense of closeness. While the host(s) will have the final say on who to invite, the guest list should ultimately be decided by the bride-to-be, in consultation with the host(s).

Who to Invite

The guest list typically includes the bride's closest female friends and family members, like her bridesmaids, mother, sisters, and future in-laws. However, in recent years, bridal showers have also included close male friends or relatives if the bride wishes. The key is to invite people who are genuinely close to the bride and have a meaningful connection with her.

The average number of guests at a bridal shower is around 25, with 20-30 being the average range. The number of guests will depend on factors such as the size of the wedding guest list and the host's budget.

It is considered proper etiquette to invite close relatives of the bride's spouse, such as their mother, sisters, grandmothers, or other close family members. If the bride's future mother-in-law is hosting the shower, expect more in-laws to attend, such as aunts and cousins.

Who Not to Invite

One of the most important rules of bridal shower etiquette is to never invite someone to the bridal shower if they are not also invited to the wedding. This is considered extremely rude and inappropriate, and it may offend the person invited. The only exception to this rule is an office shower, where colleagues, regardless of whether they are invited to the wedding, may throw a celebration.

You do not have to invite the plus ones of friends invited to the wedding, co-workers, or acquaintances of your parents. You also don't have to invite friends of your future spouse unless you are close to them.

Multiple Showers

Sometimes, not everyone can travel to a bridal shower, so it is acceptable to have multiple showers in different locations to include all guests. Same-sex couples can have separate or shared showers, with the same rules applying regarding invitations.

Timing and Invitations

Bridal shower invitations should be sent out about six to eight weeks before the event to give guests ample time to RSVP and make travel arrangements. The host is usually responsible for sending the invitations and should include key information such as the date, time, venue address, RSVP details, and any registry information.

Bridal shower and wedding gift etiquette

Who Hosts a Bridal Shower?

Bridal showers are intimate, celebratory gatherings, and the guest list is usually composed of people closest to the bride. Traditionally, the guest list includes the bride's female friends and family members, such as her bridesmaids, mother, sisters, and future in-laws. However, in recent times, bridal showers can also include close male friends or relatives if the bride wishes.

It is considered a breach of etiquette for the bride's family members to host bridal showers as it may seem like they are asking for gifts. Today, while it is still a faux pas for the engaged couple to throw their own shower, anyone else can host one, including family members and friends.

Who Gets Invited to a Bridal Shower?

It is considered inappropriate to invite people to the bridal shower if they are not invited to the wedding. This may offend them, and it may seem like a gift-grabbing gesture. Therefore, it is important to consult with the bride-to-be about the final wedding guest list and then craft the bridal shower guest list.

Bridal showers are typically more personal and smaller in scale than weddings, so it is not necessary to invite significant others or friends of relatives unless the bride-to-be has a close relationship with them. The host should aim for a well-rounded list that represents the bride's different social circles, such as family, friends, and coworkers.

Bridal Shower and Wedding Gifts:

If you are invited to both the bridal shower and the wedding, it is customary to bring a gift to both events. These are two separate occasions, and the registry for each may be different. It is appropriate to send or bring a gift to each, but the bridal shower gift should be smaller than the wedding gift.

If you are working with a budget, you can divide your gift budget and get two smaller gifts. Sentimental and meaningful gifts are more important than expensive ones. If you are unable to attend the bridal shower or the wedding, whether or not to send a gift depends on your relationship with the couple. If you are a close family member or friend, you may decide based on how you think the couple will feel about it. If you are not very close to the couple, a congratulatory card is a thoughtful alternative to a gift.

Budgeting for Bridal Shower and Wedding Gifts:

A helpful guideline for budgeting is the 20-20-60 rule. Start by creating an overall gift budget. For example, if your budget is $200, allocate $120 (60%) for the wedding gift, and $40 (20%) each for the bridal shower gift and another pre-wedding event gift, such as an engagement party or bachelorette party. If you are only invited to one pre-wedding event, you can follow the 30-70 rule, allocating 30% for the shower and 70% for the wedding.

Bridal shower gifts are typically between $25 to $75, while wedding gifts range from $50 to $150 for solo guests and $75 to $200 for guests with a date.

Gift Ideas and Sources:

Both bridal shower and wedding gifts are usually sourced from the couple's registry. This ensures that the gifts align with their needs and tastes. If the registry is already bought up, it is okay to go off-registry, but try to match their style and wishlist. If you are very close to the couple, a highly personalized gift may be more appropriate.

Some bridal shower gift ideas include:

• Ring holder
• Cake stand
• Cheese board and knife set
• Personalized passport holders and luggage tags

Some wedding gift ideas include:

• Kitchen appliances or utensils
• Bar cart accessories
• Personalized pushpin travel map
• Smart speaker
• Stand mixer

Shipping or Bringing Gifts:

It is recommended to bring gifts to the bridal shower, especially if the opening of gifts is a planned activity. However, if the gift is cumbersome, shipping it in advance after consulting the host is a good option.

For the wedding, it is best to send the gift ahead of time to avoid carrying it to the event.

Bridal shower themes and activities

A bridal shower is a memorable pre-wedding event that celebrates the bride-to-be and allows her to spend quality time with her closest friends and family. Here are some unique themes and activities to make the occasion fun and unforgettable:

Themes:

• Bookworm Bridal Shower: Decorate with literary-inspired props, such as library cards, famous literary love quotes, and paper flower centerpieces. Guests can bring books as gifts or receive "mystery books" wrapped in plain brown paper as favours.
• Astrology Bridal Shower: For the bride who loves horoscopes and birth charts, deck the party space with zodiac-themed decor and hire a professional astrologer for readings and predictions.
• Charity Bridal Shower: Instead of traditional gifts, guests can donate to the couple's chosen charity or non-profit organisation.
• Spa Day Bridal Shower: Treat the bride and guests to a day of pampering and relaxation with massages, facials, and soothing candles.
• Cooking-Themed Bridal Shower: Hire a chef to lead a fun cooking class, followed by a friendly cook-off. Guests can bring their favourite recipes or kitchen items as gifts.
• Mamma Mia! Bridal Shower: Get everyone grooving to ABBA and Mamma Mia! soundtrack tunes. Decorate with disco balls, blue metallic fringe curtains, colourful bougainvillea stems, and feather boas.
• Gatsby Theme Bridal Shower: Host a 1920s-style party with feather plume centerpieces, sequined tablecloths, faux pearl strands, and sparkling crystal tableware. Encourage guests to dress up in their best flapper-inspired outfits.
• Bridgerton Bridal Shower: Host a Regency-era tea party with lush floral arrangements, china, and finger sandwiches. Serve aromatic jasmine tea and pastel cupcakes for a sophisticated touch.
• Beach Bridal Shower: Whisk the bride away to a tropical destination with piña coladas, Caribbean or Jamaican cuisine, and vibrant floral and beach-themed accents.
• Ice Cream Bridal Shower: Set up a DIY ice cream toppings bar and decorate with ice cream-inspired props. Serve milkshakes, root beer floats, and other ice cream treats.
• Travel Theme Bridal Shower: For the adventurous couple, use maps, globes, mini suitcases, and decorations inspired by their favourite travel destinations.

Bridal shower dress code

When it comes to choosing an outfit for a bridal shower, it's important to consider the dress code, location, and season of the event. Here are some tips to help you navigate the bridal shower dress code:

Dress Code

If there is a specified dress code on the invitation, be sure to adhere to it. For a casual dress code, you can opt for a sundress, a matching set, or a blouse with a skirt or trousers. If the event is more formal, lean towards fancy styles like midi dresses or pantsuits without going overboard. If no dress code is provided, choose something you would wear to a nice brunch or an elegant social gathering. Remember, bridal showers are usually more informal than other wedding events, so feel free to embrace your personal style with a slightly formal twist.

Location and Theme

The location and theme of the bridal shower play a significant role in your outfit choice. If the event is held outdoors, such as in a garden or on a beach, go for comfortable and flowy attire. For indoor venues like a chic restaurant or a country club, you might want to dress up a bit more formally. Consider the theme as well—for example, a 'garden party' or 'vintage tea party' calls for flowery dresses or retro styles.

Season and Weather

The season and weather are crucial factors in your clothing selection. For spring and summer showers, opt for light fabrics like chiffon or linen, bright colours, and floral patterns. Autumn and winter showers are perfect for darker hues, jewel tones, and warmer fabrics like velvet or wool. Don't forget to layer up for colder seasons, and always be prepared for unexpected weather changes.

Comfort and Practicality

While style is important, don't compromise on comfort. Choose an outfit that fits well and allows you to move freely, as bridal showers often involve games and mingling. Select comfortable shoes, especially for outdoor events, and avoid overly tight or elaborate outfits that may become uncomfortable as the day progresses.

Colour Considerations

While it's best to avoid wearing all white to a bridal shower, unless specifically stated in the invitation, other colours are generally fair game. However, if the bridal shower has a specific colour theme, like the example of an all-pink dress code mentioned in your query, it's respectful to adhere to it.

Bridal shower timing and location

Bridal showers are usually held anywhere from a few weeks to a few months before the wedding. The ideal timing is two months to two weeks before the wedding, after the couple has firm wedding plans. If you're hosting, choose a date that is convenient for both the bride and the most important guests. To accommodate everyone's schedules, you might want to host the bridal shower a little further in advance or plan it to coincide with a trip home or another get-together, such as a bachelorette party in the evening following an afternoon shower.

The bridal shower can be held in the bride's hometown, or if the bride lives in another state, it may be more convenient for her to travel to the shower if most of the guests live locally. The specific location depends on the type of shower and the host's budget. It could be in a friend's or family member's home or backyard, at a local restaurant, or somewhere more specific if the shower has a theme (such as a cooking school or a wine-tasting room).

If the host is offering their home to hold the bridal shower, that's great. If not, see if another guest or co-planner has an available space. You can also choose a venue that correlates with the theme, like a spa or a winery; host at a restaurant or hotel; or rent an Airbnb.

Bridal shower invitations should be mailed out four to six weeks before the event, either by post or email. If the guest list includes out-of-towners, it's good etiquette to leave a little extra time. Sending the invitations at least two months in advance should give out-of-town guests enough time to organize travel and accommodations, decide what to wear, and purchase gifts.

Frequently asked questions