Understanding Wedding Invite Plus Ones

Planning a wedding can be stressful, and one of the most challenging aspects is deciding who to invite. When it comes to plus-ones, there are no hard and fast rules, but there are some general guidelines and etiquette tips to consider. Plus-ones are typically granted to guests who are married, engaged, or in a serious, long-term relationship. It is also common to offer plus-ones to members of the wedding party and out-of-town guests who may not know many other attendees. Budget and space constraints play a significant role in determining how many plus-ones can be accommodated. When inviting a guest with a plus-one, it is important to address the invitation accordingly and be mindful of seating arrangements to ensure a comfortable experience for all guests.

Who gets a plus one?

Deciding who gets a plus one can be a daunting task, but there are some traditional guidelines and best practices to help you. Plus ones are a generous gesture, but they can also be costly, so it's important to keep your budget in mind.

Married, Engaged, and Cohabiting Guests

As a rule of thumb, married, engaged, and cohabiting guests should receive a plus one. This is considered standard etiquette, even if you don't know the spouse or partner well. It's also a good idea to extend this courtesy to the spouse or partner of your officiant and the parents of any ring bearers or flower girls.

Wedding Party Members

It is customary to offer a plus one to members of the wedding party, such as the maid of honour, best man, groomsmen, bridesmaids, and ushers. This is a way to show appreciation for their time, support, and commitment to your wedding.

Outlier Guests

If you have guests who won't know many other attendees, it is polite to offer them a plus one. This can help them feel more comfortable and less lonely at the event.

Close Family Members

Family plus ones can be considered on a case-by-case basis. If there will be plenty of family members at the wedding, a plus one may not be necessary. However, if a family member is travelling a long distance to attend, you may want to offer them the option to bring a date or friend.

Guests in Serious or Long-Term Relationships

Couples who live together or have been together for a significant amount of time (e.g., over a year) should be offered a plus one. This acknowledges their commitment and ensures they feel included.

Other Considerations

While not mandatory, it is good etiquette to offer a plus one to your boss or supervisor if you are inviting them. Additionally, if you are inviting coworkers, it is best to either offer plus ones to all of them or none of them to avoid tension and keep costs manageable.

Remember, these are just guidelines, and ultimately, the decision is up to you and your partner. Be consistent and consider your budget and venue capacity when deciding who gets a plus one.

How to say no plus ones

Be Clear and Consistent

It's best to have a blanket rule for plus ones: either every guest is allowed to bring a date, or no one is. This avoids any potential drama or hurt feelings between wedding guests. If you're happy to be flexible, you could also consider a rule like "only guests that are married or cohabiting are allowed to bring their partner".

Inform Guests in Advance

Even before you send out wedding invitations, mention in casual conversation that your venue is fairly small or that you're trying to stick to a budget, so you won't be allowing plus ones.

Address Invitations Correctly

When sending out wedding invitations, address them to the named guest only. For example, "Mr John Smith" indicates that there is no plus one, whereas "Mr John Smith plus Guest" indicates that they are invited to bring a date. When inviting families, address the invitation to specific people by name, rather than "the Smith family", to make it clear that only the named people are expected to attend.

Make it Clear on the RSVP Card

Write your guest(s) names on the reply card yourself, leaving no room for them to add anyone else. You could also add a section saying "We have reserved __ seat(s) in your honour", and fill in this gap with the number of people you’re inviting.

Add a FAQ on Your Wedding Website

An example FAQ may look like this:

> Q. Can I bring a date (plus one) to your wedding?

> A. Unfortunately, due to budget and space limitations, we simply can’t afford for all of our lovely guests to bring a guest of their own. Therefore, we ask our guests to please not bring a plus one, unless they are specifically named on the invitation. Thank you so much for understanding!

How to Respond to "Can I Bring a Guest?"

• Stick to your rule: If you've made a blanket "no plus ones" rule, explain this to the questioning guest.
• Let them down gently: Try to be as polite as possible when turning down their request. Explain that you're sorry you can't accommodate them.
• Explain your reasoning: It's your wedding, and you don’t owe anyone a reason for not allowing guests to bring dates. However, explaining your reasoning might help your guests to understand, and not be offended.

Remember:

You don't have to invite plus ones, but remember that some guests may be offended and choose not to attend as a result.

Plus-one invitation wording

When it comes to wedding invitations, it's important to be clear about whether a guest is allowed to bring a plus-one. Here are some tips and examples for wording your invitations to include or exclude plus-ones:

Invitations with a Plus-One

When inviting guests with a plus-one, it is best to include the name of the plus-one on the invitation if you know it. You can list the plus-one's name on a separate line below your guest's name. Alternatively, you can send a separate invitation to the plus-one directly if you have their name and address.

If you don't know the name of the plus-one, a simple and common way to indicate a plus-one is to add "and Guest" to the envelope or invitation. For example:

> Mr. Harry Stockton and Guest

> Ms. Veronica Lovett and Guest

Invitations without a Plus-One

When a guest is not invited with a plus-one, simply include their name on the envelope or invitation without any additional wording. This makes it clear that only the named guest is invited.

Online Invitations

For online invitations, include the names of the invited guests at the beginning of the email. You can also indicate a plus-one by writing, for example, "Mr. First Last and guest".

RSVP Cards

It is helpful to include a spot on the RSVP card for the number of guests attending to eliminate any confusion or "extras". You can also include a line such as " seats reserved in your honour" and fill in the number of guests invited to avoid any misunderstandings.

Other Considerations

When deciding on your guest list and whether to offer plus-ones, consider your budget, space constraints, and the comfort of your guests. It is generally expected that married or engaged couples, as well as those in long-term or serious relationships, are invited together. Out-of-town guests or those who won't know many other attendees are also commonly given plus-one privileges.

Remember that clear communication is key. If you are not offering plus-ones to all guests, be prepared to respond to requests with a kind but firm explanation, such as budget or space constraints.

What to do when someone asks for a plus one

When someone asks for a plus one, it's important to be polite and consistent in your response. Here are some tips on how to handle this situation:

Be Clear About Your Criteria

Firstly, it's helpful to establish clear criteria for who gets a plus one. This could include married, engaged, or cohabiting couples, as well as members of the wedding party and outlier guests who won't know many other attendees. Having clear criteria will make it easier to respond to requests and avoid any appearance of favouritism.

Be Mindful of Budget and Space Constraints

When deciding on your criteria, it's essential to keep your budget and venue space in mind. Every additional guest means extra costs for food, drinks, and venue setup. Be realistic about what you can accommodate, and don't feel pressured to offer plus ones to everyone.

Be Prepared with a Kind Response

If someone who doesn't meet your criteria asks for a plus one, it's important to respond with kindness and firmness. You can say something like, "We'd love to include everyone, but unfortunately, our budget only allowed us to invite close friends and family. We appreciate your understanding, and we hope to see you there!" It's best to deliver this message over the phone or in person rather than via email.

Be Flexible if Circumstances Change

Life is unpredictable, and circumstances may change for your guests between the time they receive their invitation and the wedding day. If a guest's partner can no longer attend, consider allowing them to bring someone else instead. It's always worth trying to accommodate these requests to make your guests feel valued and comfortable.

Be Consistent and Avoid Favouritism

Consistency is crucial when it comes to plus ones. If you offer a plus one to one person in a particular category, try to extend the same courtesy to others in the same category. For example, if you offer a plus one to one member of your bridal party, it's a good idea to offer it to all members. This will help avoid any hurt feelings or the appearance of favouritism.

Be Proactive and Communicate

Don't be afraid to ask your guests about their preferences and circumstances. If you're unsure whether a guest is in a serious relationship or would benefit from a plus one, reach out and ask. Open communication will help you make informed decisions and ensure that your guests feel considered and valued.

How to politely tell guests they don't get a plus one

Be clear and direct

It's best to be honest and direct with your guests about who's invited. You can do this by addressing your wedding invitations correctly. When you write your guests' names on the outer and inner envelopes, word it so that there's no doubt about who's invited. If you're not allowing plus ones, only include the name of the guest on the envelope. You can also make it clear on the RSVP card by writing something like "We have reserved [number] seat(s) in your honour".

Be consistent

Generally speaking, it's best to have a blanket rule for plus ones: either every guest is allowed to bring a date, or no one is. This avoids any potential drama or hurt feelings between wedding guests. So, try to decide whether plus ones are allowed or not, and stick with it. You could also come up with a rule to follow, such as "only guests that are married or cohabiting are allowed to bring their partner".

Be considerate

If you have guests who are travelling long distances to get to the wedding and may not know many people there, you might want to let them bring someone to hang out with. The date your single friend is planning on bringing may not be The One, but they're probably spending a lot of money on your wedding, so if you're at all flexible, why not let them have fun?

Be honest

If a guest asks about a plus one, you can navigate this scenario in a couple of ways. Firstly, determine how opposed you are to the plus one. If you've made a blanket "no plus ones" rule, explain this rule to the questioning guest. You can also let them down gently by explaining that you're sorry you can't accommodate them, but perhaps offer to get together with them and celebrate after the wedding instead.

Frequently asked questions