Finding Your Best Man: Perfect Timing For The Ask

Asking someone to be your best man is a big deal. The best man is expected to be by your side throughout the entire wedding process, from attending pre-wedding events to planning the bachelor party and providing support to the happy couple. It's important to consider who you're asking, what you're expecting from them, and whether they're the right person for the job. While there's no strict etiquette on how to ask, it's best to do it in person. You can make the occasion more personal by asking during an activity you both enjoy, such as playing golf or watching a football game. If you're not great with emotional conversations, you can always ask through a card or with a gift.

Timing: Ask 6-12 months before the wedding to give them time to prepare

Asking someone to be your best man is a big deal. The best man is expected to be by your side throughout the entire wedding process, from attending pre-wedding events to planning the bachelor party and providing support to the couple. Therefore, it is important to give your best man-to-be ample time to prepare for the role.

Ideally, you should ask your chosen best man 6-12 months before the wedding. This gives them enough time to make the necessary arrangements, such as requesting time off work, saving up for any expenses, and planning any pre-wedding activities or events. It also allows them to be involved in the wedding planning process from the early stages, providing support and assistance as needed.

By giving your best man this advance notice, you are also showing that you value their time and appreciate the effort they will put into fulfilling their duties. It demonstrates that you recognise the importance of their role and want to give them the opportunity to be fully prepared.

Asking early also reduces the risk of last-minute changes or surprises. Weddings involve many moving parts and participants, and giving your best man a heads-up well in advance helps to ensure their availability and active involvement in the wedding. It also gives you peace of mind, knowing that a key member of your wedding party is confirmed and ready to take on their responsibilities.

So, if you're wondering when to pop the question to your potential best man, aim for the 6-12 month mark before your wedding. This timeframe strikes a balance between giving them enough time to prepare and not asking too early, potentially causing excitement or relationship dynamics to shift before the wedding.

Availability: Ensure they can commit to the entire wedding process

When asking someone to be your best man, you are essentially asking them to be your right-hand man from that moment until your wedding day. This means that they will be expected to participate in the entire wedding process, from attending all the pre-wedding events to planning the bachelor party and providing support to the couple leading up to the wedding.

Given the significant time and energy commitment required of a best man, it is important to ensure that the person you are asking can commit to the entire wedding process. Before you pop the question, consider the person's availability and whether they have the time or energy to devote to your wedding planning. For example, if you expect your best man to spend weekends helping you choose a venue, negotiate with vendors, or run other wedding-related errands, it may not be a good idea to ask your best friend who just had a new baby.

If you have a close friend whom you want to ask but they may not have the capacity to take on all the responsibilities of a best man, you can still ask them and adjust your expectations. For instance, they may not be able to run a ton of wedding-related errands with you, but they might be open to meeting once a month for coffee to go over logistics and see if there's anything they can help with when they have spare time.

The key is to have open and honest conversations about what you expect from your best man and what they are able to commit to. This will help to ensure that there are no misunderstandings or hurt feelings down the road. It is also important to be flexible and understanding, as life can be unpredictable and circumstances can change.

By considering your best man's availability and having clear communication, you can ensure that they are able to commit to the entire wedding process and provide the support you need during this exciting but busy time.

Expectations: Be clear about what you expect from them

Asking someone to be your best man is a big deal, and it's important to be clear about what you expect from them. The best man is expected to participate in the entire wedding process, from attending pre-wedding events to planning the bachelor party and providing support to the soon-to-be married couple. Here are some key expectations to communicate:

Availability and Time Commitment

Before asking someone to be your best man, consider their availability and whether they have the time and energy to devote to your wedding planning and the big day itself. If your best man has other commitments, such as a new baby, you may need to lower your expectations or ask them to take on specific tasks that suit their schedule. Communicate honestly and be open to adjusting your expectations to accommodate their availability.

Pre-Wedding Tasks

The best man is typically involved in various pre-wedding tasks, including leading the groomsmen, shopping for formalwear, and coordinating travel and accommodations. They may also be expected to provide moral support during ring selection and serve as a counsellor and confidant to the groom during the planning process. It's important to clearly outline these expectations and ensure your best man is comfortable with the responsibilities.

Bachelor Party Planning

One of the best man's key responsibilities is organising the bachelor party. Discuss the type of celebration the groom envisions, including their preferences for location, activities, and budget. The best man should work with the groomsmen to plan an event that suits the groom's style and ensures everyone's schedules and budgets are considered.

Wedding Day Duties

On the wedding day, the best man is expected to be the groom's right-hand man, providing support and assistance. This includes helping the groom get ready, delivering a letter to the bride, holding the wedding rings, and ensuring the groom eats and drinks. Communicate these expectations clearly, so your best man knows what tasks to prioritise and can help create a smooth and enjoyable wedding day.

Post-Wedding Responsibilities

Even after the wedding, the best man may have additional responsibilities. This can include helping to organise and safekeep gifts, handing out vendor tips, and ensuring groomsmen return rented attire. Outline these post-wedding expectations to ensure a smooth wrap-up to the celebrations.

Remember, effective communication is key. Be clear and honest about your expectations, and don't hesitate to adjust them based on your best man's availability and comfort level. By doing so, you'll set your best man up for success and ensure a memorable wedding experience for all involved.

Gifts: Consider giving them a gift when you ask

When asking someone to be your best man, you are essentially saying, "You're important to me, and I want you with me throughout this entire process." The best man is expected to be by your side during the wedding planning, attend all pre-wedding events, plan the bachelor party, and provide support to the soon-to-be married couple. Therefore, it is important to consider whom you are asking, their availability, and what you expect from them before popping the question.

Now, let's focus on the gifts you can consider giving when asking someone to be your best man:

Gifts to Consider

If you want to make your request extra special, you can give your potential best man a gift along with your proposal. Here are some gift ideas to consider:

• Personalised items: You can find a variety of personalised "proposal" gifts online, such as t-shirts, golf balls, whiskey glasses, or coffee mugs. These items can be customised with a message like "Will you be my best man?" to make your intentions clear.
• Cards: If you're not sure how to ask in person, a thoughtful card can be a great way to express your feelings. You can use the card to dive into why the person is meaningful to you and why you want them as your best man. You can also take a nostalgic approach and highlight your favourite memories together.
• Scratch cards: For a fun and interactive proposal, consider giving them a scratch card. These cards can be personalised with your own message and are a unique way to pop the question.
• Gift boxes: Create a customised gift box filled with items that reflect your relationship. For example, if your friend is a whiskey connoisseur, you could include a nice bottle of whiskey and a personalised whiskey glass. You can also add items like cufflinks, pocket watches, or even a funny gift like novelty sunglasses.
• Experiences: Instead of a physical gift, you can plan an experience or activity that you both enjoy. For instance, if you share a love for golf, plan a day on the golf course and pop the question during the game. If you're both fans of a particular sports team, invite them over to watch a game and ask during halftime.

Remember, the gift doesn't have to be extravagant. The most important thing is to let your friend know how much their presence and support mean to you on your special day.

In-person: It's best to ask face-to-face, but a thoughtful card is a good alternative

Asking someone to be your best man is a big deal. The best man is expected to be by your side throughout the entire wedding process, from attending pre-wedding events to planning the bachelor party and providing support to the soon-to-be married couple. Therefore, it is best to ask in person.

Traditionally speaking, it is best to ask face-to-face. Lead the conversation into your relationship and let your friend know how much you appreciate them. You can then ask them to stand by your side on your wedding day. It is also a good idea to set up a one-on-one hang session, where you can go through what you expect from them and answer any questions they might have.

However, some people aren't great with emotional conversations. If you are one of those people, you might want to consider asking your friend to be your best man through a thoughtful card. You can use the card as an opportunity to explain why the person is so meaningful to you and why you want them to be your best man. You can take a nostalgic route and highlight your favourite memories, or you can keep it simple and straightforward. Cards also make great keepsakes.

If you want to give your friend a gift when you ask them, there are many "proposal" gifts available, from personalised t-shirts to whiskey glasses, or you could give them a bottle of their favourite alcohol.

Frequently asked questions