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Wedding vows are promises that each partner in a couple makes to the other during a wedding ceremony. They are based on Western Christian norms and are not universal to marriage or necessary in most legal jurisdictions. Couples can choose to write their own vows or rely on traditional ones. Traditional vows are often determined by the religion that underlies the marriage ceremony, though interfaith and non-denominational ceremonies also have their traditions. For instance, in Hindu weddings, couples recite a set of vows known as saptapadi, or the Seven Steps, as they walk around a ring of fire to honour Agni, the Hindu god of fire. In Jewish ceremonies, on the other hand, vows are recited only when the ring is given or exchanged.
| Characteristics | Values |
|---|---|
| Number of ways to say vows | 3 |
| Who says the vows | Couple, Officiant, or both |
| Vows in different religions | Yes |
| Vows in different cultures | Yes |
| Vows in interfaith ceremonies | Yes |
| Vows in non-denominational ceremonies | Yes |
| Ring exchange | Yes |
| No. of rings exchanged | 1 or 2 |
| Timing of ring exchange | After vows |
| Timing of vows | During ceremony |
| Who decides the vows | Couple, Officiant, or both |
| Vows in church weddings | Yes |
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What You'll Learn
Vows are promises made to each other
Wedding vows are promises made by each partner to the other during a wedding ceremony. They are based on Western Christian norms, but they are not universal to marriage or even within Christian marriage. For example, Eastern Christians do not include marriage vows in their traditional wedding ceremonies.
Vows are usually exchanged after the officiant's sermon or any religious readings. They are often followed by the exchange of rings, which serves to seal those promises. The ring is a symbol of the unbroken circle of love.
There are several ways to perform the vows: you can write and memorise them ahead of time, repeat them after the officiant, or the officiant can recite them in the form of a question, prompting a response of "I do" or "I will". Some couples may even choose to combine more than one style.
The content of the vows can vary depending on the couple's preferences and the type of ceremony being conducted. Traditional vows often include phrases such as "to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part". Some couples may choose to add their own personal touches, such as additional readings, poetry, or extracts from a book.
In some religious ceremonies, such as Hindu weddings, couples recite a set of vows known as Saptapadi, or the Seven Steps. This involves walking around a ring of fire to honour Agni, the Hindu god of fire. In Jewish ceremonies, the vows are recited only when the ring is given, with the groom saying, "Behold, thou art consecrated unto me with this ring according to the law of Moses and of Israel".
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Vows are not universal to marriage
The content of vows varies according to the specific religion. For example, in Jewish ceremonies, the vows are only recited when the ring is given or exchanged. The groom says: "Behold, thou art consecrated unto me with this ring according to the law of Moses and of Israel". In Hindu weddings, couples recite a set of vows known as saptapadi, or the Seven Steps, as they walk around a ring of fire to honour the Hindu god of fire.
In the United States, Catholic wedding vows take the following form:
> I, [name], take you, [name], to be my lawfully wedded [husband/wife], to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part.
The oldest traditional wedding vows can be traced back to the manuals of the medieval church. In England, there were manuals of the dioceses of Salisbury (Sarum) and York. The compilers of the first Book of Common Prayer, published in 1549, based its marriage service mainly on the Sarum manual.
Upon agreement to marry, the Church of England usually offered couples a choice. The couple could promise each other to "love and cherish" or, alternatively, the groom promises to "love, cherish, and worship", and the bride to "love, cherish, and obey". The phrase "to have and to hold" is a property rights legal phrase that defines "the extent of the interest that is granted or conveyed and the conditions affecting it". However, as part of marriage vows, it is not a statement of ownership but refers to belonging together.
Civil ceremonies often allow couples to choose their own marriage vows, though many adapt traditional vows taken from the Book of Common Prayer.
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Religious vows differ
Christian Wedding Vows
Christian wedding vows are based on Western Christian norms and can vary depending on the denomination. For example, the original wedding vows from the Book of Common Prayer include the groom saying:
> I, [name], take thee, [name], to be my wedded wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part, according to God's holy ordinance; and thereto I plight thee my troth.
And the bride responding:
> I, [name], take thee, [name], to be my wedded husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love, cherish, and to obey, till death us do part, according to God's holy ordinance; and thereto I give thee my troth.
However, couples can choose to modify these vows, such as by replacing "to love and to cherish" with "to love, cherish, and obey" in the bride's vows. In the United States, Catholic wedding vows may follow a similar format, with slight variations in the wording.
Hindu Wedding Vows
Hindu wedding vows, known as saptapadi or the Seven Steps, are recited as the couple walks around a ring of fire to honour Agni, the Hindu god of fire.
Jewish Wedding Vows
In traditional Jewish ceremonies, vows are recited only during the ring exchange. The groom says:
> Behold, thou art consecrated unto me with this ring according to the law of Moses and of Israel.
If it is a double-ring ceremony, the bride recites the same words with gender changes and places the ring on the groom's finger. However, some modern Jewish couples choose to include self-penned promises in their nuptials.
Pagan and Wiccan Wedding Vows
Pagan and Wiccan wedding vows do not typically reference God but may include entities like Mother Earth or Father Sky. An example of a Pagan vow is:
> I promise to love thee wholly and completely without restraint, in sickness and in health, in plenty and in poverty, in life and beyond, where we shall meet, remember, and love again. I shall not seek to change thee in any way. I shall respect thee, thy beliefs, thy people, and thy ways as I respect myself.
Buddhist Wedding Vows
Buddhist weddings offer couples the option to speak their vows aloud or read them silently. While some Buddhist weddings are officiated by a monk, others are led by a friend or officiant. Couples have the discretion to include a ring exchange in their ceremony. In the Tibetan Buddhist tradition, the couple responds in unison to the first set of vows read by the officiant.
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Vows are said in different ways
In a Jewish ceremony, for example, the groom typically says, "Behold, thou art consecrated unto me with this ring according to the law of Moses and of Israel," while placing the ring on the bride's finger. In contrast, Hindu weddings involve a set of vows known as Saptapadi, or the Seven Steps, where couples make promises to each other as they walk around a ring of fire to honour the Hindu god of fire.
In the United States, Catholic wedding vows often take the form of: "I, [name], take you, [partner's name], to be my lawfully wedded [spouse], to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part."
Traditional wedding vows, as printed in the Book of Common Prayer, include phrases such as: "I, [name], take thee, [name], to be my wedded [spouse], to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part, according to God's holy ordinance; and thereto I [plight thee my troth/give thee my troth]."
Ultimately, the way vows are said can vary depending on the couple's preferences and the specific requirements of their chosen ceremony and religion.
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Vows are said before exchanging rings
Wedding vows are promises each partner in a couple makes to the other during a wedding ceremony. They are based on Western Christian norms and are not universal to marriage or necessary in most legal jurisdictions. However, they are considered a crucial part of the wedding day for many couples.
There are several ways to perform the vows: couples can write and memorise their own, repeat after the officiant, or respond to the officiant's questions with "I do" or "I will". The religious official can often accommodate variations on the traditional wording.
In many religions, the declaration of vows symbolises the moment when a couple officially becomes one. For example, in Jewish ceremonies, the vows are recited only when the ring is given or exchanged. The groom says:
> "Behold, thou art consecrated unto me with this ring according to the law of Moses and of Israel."
Then the groom places the ring on the bride's finger. In Hindu weddings, couples recite a set of vows known as saptapadi, or the Seven Steps, as they walk around a ring of fire to honour the Hindu god of fire.
In the United States, Catholic wedding vows may take the following form:
> "I, [name], take you, [partner's name], to be my lawfully wedded [husband/wife], to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part."
The exchange of rings immediately follows the recitation of vows in most wedding ceremonies, serving to seal those promises. The rings symbolise the unbroken circle of love.
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Frequently asked questions
Wedding vows are promises each partner in a couple makes to the other during a wedding ceremony. They are based on Western Christian norms and are not universal to marriage or necessary in most legal jurisdictions.
Wedding vows are usually said after the officiant's sermon or any religious readings. The exchange of rings and the pronouncement of marriage follow the vows.
There are three ways to say wedding vows. The couple can write and read their own vows, repeat after the officiant, or declare "I do" as the officiant recites the vows in a question-answer format.
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