Rsvp Response Etiquette: Crafting The Perfect Wedding Reply

Wedding RSVP cards are an important part of wedding planning. They give guests a first impression of the wedding theme and allow hosts to finalise their guest list and plan accordingly. A typical wedding RSVP card will include a deadline for the response, space for guests to write their names, a section to indicate whether they will attend, and a place to choose a meal option. It is also good etiquette to include a space for a short personal message to the couple.

How to address yourself and your plus-one

When addressing yourself and your plus-one on a wedding RSVP, it's important to follow proper etiquette to ensure your host can finalize their guest list, catering count, seating chart, and address you properly on place cards, escort cards, or personalized favours. Here are some detailed instructions on how to address yourself and your plus-one:

• Include Full Names: Write the titles and full names of all invited guests, including your plus-one. This is crucial for the host to create a master guest list and ensure everyone's name is spelled correctly on the seating chart. For example, "Mr. and Mrs. John Smith" or "Ms. Jane Pearson and Mr. Jason Brown".
• Write Legibly: Ensure your handwriting is clear and legible. This is important as the host will use the information to create a guest list and seating chart.
• Address Envelopes Properly: If you are mailing your RSVP, address the envelope correctly. Include the full names of both you and your plus-one. Use the same level of formality and theme that was used on the wedding invitation envelope. Pre-address and stamp the envelope for convenience.
• Commit to Your Plus-One: When responding, include your plus-one's full name. This helps the host with their planning and ensures a proper headcount. It is considered rude to substitute your plus-one for someone else if they can't attend.
• Disclose Allergies: If you or your plus-one have any serious allergies that may result in a medical issue, it is courteous to call the host after you RSVP to disclose this information.
• Follow the Instructions: Pay attention to the RSVP card's instructions. If it asks for the number of guests attending, provide the exact number, including yourself and your plus-one. Use numbers instead of checkmarks to clarify the count.
• Respond Promptly: Send your RSVP as soon as possible. It is respectful to the host and helps them with their planning. If you miss the RSVP date, contact the host as soon as possible to provide a verbal response.
• Be Mindful of Host's Budget: Understand that weddings are expensive, and additional guests incur extra costs. If you are unsure about bringing a plus-one, communicate openly with the host. They may have budget constraints or venue limitations.
• Understand Plus-One Etiquette: Traditionally, married, engaged, and cohabitating guests receive a plus-one. Members of the wedding party are also typically offered a plus-one as a token of appreciation for their support. If you are unsure, clarify with the host to avoid any misunderstandings.
• Personalize Your Response: Think of the response card as a note, not just a form. Write a few sentences to thank the host and send well-wishes to the couple. This adds a personal touch, and many couples cherish these notes as keepsakes.

Remember, the most important thing is to respond promptly and provide clear and accurate information about yourself and your plus-one. This will help the host immensely with their wedding planning and ensure a smooth and enjoyable experience for everyone.

How to confirm attendance

Confirming attendance for a wedding is a crucial step in the planning process. It helps the couple and their vendors with finalising details such as food quantities and seating charts. Here are some instructive guidelines on how to confirm attendance:

Respond Promptly

It is important to respond to wedding invitations as soon as possible. While it is courteous to do so within a few days, responses should be sent no later than the RSVP deadline, which is typically two to four weeks before the wedding. This allows the couple ample time to finalise arrangements. Responding late or failing to respond at all is considered impolite and may result in not having a seat or meal at the wedding.

Follow the Couple's Instructions

Wedding invitations may include specific instructions on how to RSVP, such as through printed cards, online websites, or emails. It is important to follow these instructions to ensure your response is received and recorded accurately. If a response card is provided, use it to confirm your attendance.

Include All Relevant Information

When confirming attendance, be sure to include your full name(s) and the total number of guests attending. If there is an "M" on the response card, provide your proper title (Mr., Mrs., Ms., Miss). Additionally, if entrée selections are requested, initial your meal choice. It is also considerate to respond to any special prompts or questions from the couple, such as song requests or travel plans.

Provide a Definitive Response

When confirming attendance, be clear and definitive. If you are unable to attend, it is proper etiquette to respond with a "No" or "Regrets". It is never appropriate to not respond at all. If you are invited with a plus-one, include their full name as well. Changing your response later is considered bad form, as it may disrupt the couple's arrangements.

Communicate Any Dietary Restrictions

If the couple requests information about dietary restrictions or entrée preferences, be sure to provide this information accurately. If you have a severe allergy that may result in a medical issue, it is considerate to contact the couple or their planner/caterer directly to discuss options. For minor dietary preferences or sensitivities, try to accommodate the provided options.

Add a Personal Note

While not mandatory, including a short personal note to the couple is a thoughtful gesture. You can express your excitement for their special day, send well-wishes, or offer advice. Many couples cherish these notes and look back on them fondly.

How to decline attendance

Declining a wedding invitation can be tricky, especially if you are close to the couple. However, it is important to remember that it is perfectly acceptable to decline an invitation if you are unable to attend or simply do not want to go. Here are some tips and examples to help you decline attendance politely and thoughtfully:

Respond Promptly:

It is essential to respond promptly when declining a wedding invitation. Don't leave it until the last minute as it may inconvenience the couple, who need an accurate headcount for their planning. Respond by the deadline indicated, or as soon as you know you won't be able to attend.

Choose an Appropriate Method:

If you are not close to the couple, simply checking "no" on the RSVP card and including a brief note wishing them well may be sufficient. However, if you are close to the couple, consider calling them ahead of your written decline to express your disappointment and offer your congratulations. You can also send a meaningful gift or check in after the wedding to see how it went.

Be Honest and Tactful:

When declining, be honest about your reasons but keep it tactful. You don't need to provide a lengthy explanation, but a simple phrase like "due to work commitments" or "unfortunately, we can't make it work" is polite and clear. Avoid making jokes or appearing indifferent, as this may hurt the couple's feelings.

Express Gratitude:

No matter how you respond, always thank the couple for inviting you. Let them know you appreciate being included in their special day. You can also offer to celebrate with them at another time or send a gift to show your support.

Sample Phrases:

• "Thank you for thinking of me. Regrettably, I won't be able to attend due to other commitments, but please accept my warmest congratulations."
• "I would love to attend, but I have prior commitments on that date."
• "Thank you so much for the invitation. Unfortunately, due to family/work/financial commitments, I won't be able to make it. I hope you have a wonderful celebration."
• "Sadly, we are unable to attend your wedding day, but we wish you all the best and look forward to seeing you soon!"

Remember, the most important thing is to respond promptly and respectfully, expressing your gratitude and well-wishes to the couple.

How to indicate dietary requirements

When it comes to indicating dietary requirements on your wedding RSVP, there are a few approaches you can take to ensure your guests' needs are met. Here are some instructive and focused paragraphs on how to do so:

Provide a Detailed List

You can provide a detailed list of dietary options for your guests to choose from. This could include options such as "Number of vegetarians _____, vegans _____, allergies (please specify): ___________". This approach ensures that you have an accurate count of the number of guests with specific dietary needs. It also allows guests to anonymously indicate their dietary requirements, which they may prefer.

Simplify with a General Request

If you want to keep things simple, you can shorten the dietary request to a single line such as "Special dietary requests (only if applicable): ___________". This approach allows guests to specify any dietary needs without restricting them to specific categories. It also avoids the questionnaire feel that a detailed list might create.

Offer Meal Options with a Note

If you are providing meal options such as chicken, fish, or beef, you can include a note at the bottom of the RSVP card that says, "Please note any special dietary requirements." This approach allows guests to indicate any allergies or restrictions that may not be covered by your meal options. It also shows that you are willing to accommodate individual needs.

Direct Guests to Contact You

If you prefer more direct communication, you can include a line on the RSVP card that says, "If you have special dietary requirements, please call or email with your RSVP." This approach ensures that you can have a conversation with guests about their specific needs and makes it easier to clarify any details.

Indicate Options on Your Wedding Website

You can also direct guests to your wedding website for dietary information. For example, "Special dietary requests? Visit our wedding website for options or contact us directly." This approach allows you to provide more detailed information about the meal options and gives guests a central place to refer to.

Remember to set an appropriate deadline for RSVPs, usually 3-4 weeks before the wedding, to give your caterer enough time to accommodate all dietary requirements.

How to add a personal note

Adding a personal note to your wedding RSVP is a great way to make your response more thoughtful and meaningful. Here are some tips and suggestions for crafting a personal note:

Express Gratitude and Excitement

Begin your personal note by thanking the couple for the invitation. Let them know that you are delighted to be included in their special day. You can also mention how excited you are to celebrate with them. For example, "Thank you so much for inviting us to share in your big day. We are thrilled to be a part of it and can't wait to celebrate with you both!"

Share a Memory or Well Wishes

Include a heartfelt message that reflects your relationship with the couple. You might want to share a favourite memory, express your happiness for them, or offer marriage advice. For instance, "We are so happy for you both and can't wait to create new memories together at the wedding. Wishing you all the love and joy as you start this new chapter!"

Be Specific and Sincere

Personalise your note by referencing something unique about the couple or their relationship. Perhaps there's an inside joke you can allude to, or a shared experience you can mention. Be sincere and genuine in your sentiments to make the note more meaningful. For example, "I still remember the first time I met you both and knew you were perfect for each other. Your love and joy are an inspiration, and I can't wait to witness your wedding day!"

Include a Throwback Song Request

If you're looking for something more light-hearted, include a song request with your response. Opt for a throwback tune that holds a special memory for you and the couple. It could be a song from your college days or a track that always gets you on the dance floor. For instance, "Can't wait to hit the dance floor! Hope the DJ plays some old-school tunes like 'Dancing Queen'—it always reminds me of our college days!"

Write a Handwritten Note

If you have the option, consider sending a handwritten note along with your RSVP card. This adds a more personal touch to your response. Use your best handwriting or calligraphy skills to make it even more special. A handwritten note also allows you to express yourself more freely and include additional thoughts or well wishes.

Remember to keep your personal note concise and thoughtful. The couple will appreciate your kind words, and it will make your RSVP response stand out!

Frequently asked questions