Franklin Dean
Wedding vows are promises that two people make to each other at the beginning of their married life together. While traditional vows are still common, many couples are choosing to write their own vows to add a personal touch to their wedding ceremony. However, writing your own vows can be a daunting task, and some couples may prefer to opt for alternatives. Here are some ideas for what to do instead of writing your own wedding vows.
| Characteristics | Values |
|---|---|
| Non-traditional vows | Couples can personalise their vows to make them more meaningful. |
| Pre-written vows | Couples can use pre-written vows from their celebrant, or literature, music, and film. |
| Private vows | Couples can exchange private vows before the ceremony and traditional vows during the ceremony. |
| No vows | Couples can opt for no vows and instead incorporate rituals such as hand fasting, lighting candles, planting a tree, etc. |
| Humorous vows | Couples can add humour to their vows to personalise the ceremony and keep the feeling light. |
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What You'll Learn
Write letters to each other instead
If you're looking for an alternative to wedding vows, writing letters to each other is a great option. This approach offers several benefits and allows you to express your thoughts and feelings in a more private and intimate way.
Privacy and Intimacy
Writing letters to each other instead of speaking vows aloud provides a level of privacy and intimacy. Some people feel uncomfortable sharing deeply personal thoughts and emotions in front of a crowd. Letters allow you to express your love and commitment to your partner without the pressure of public speaking.
Creativity and Flexibility
Letters give you the freedom to be as creative and flexible as you like. You can include personal stories, inside jokes, and sentiments that may not fit within the structure of traditional vows. You can also take the time to craft your words carefully, ensuring that your letter is a true reflection of your unique relationship.
Emotional Connection
Exchanging letters can create a deeply emotional experience for both you and your partner. Reading each other's letters before or during the ceremony can be a heartfelt moment, evoking strong feelings that may be more challenging to convey verbally.
Combining Letters with Traditional Vows
If you want to include traditional vows in your ceremony, you can absolutely do both! Many couples choose to write letters to each other and also recite traditional vows or shorter, personalized vows. This way, you get the best of both worlds, honouring tradition while still expressing your unique thoughts and feelings.
Tips for Writing Letters
When writing your letter, consider including the following:
- Your journey as a couple: Reflect on your relationship, the challenges you've overcome, and the dreams you share for the future.
- Your partner's positive attributes: Express what you admire, appreciate, and love about them.
- Your promises and commitments: While vows are typically structured as promises, you can also include these in your letter, such as promising to support and encourage your partner through life's adventures.
- Inside jokes and personal references: Include details that only the two of you may understand, adding a layer of intimacy and playfulness to your letter.
Remember, the beauty of writing letters is that you can make them as personal and unique as your relationship. There is no one-size-fits-all approach, so feel free to be creative and let your emotions guide you.
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Use lyrics or quotes from a favourite author or film
Using lyrics or quotes from a favourite author or film is a great way to make your wedding vows more personalised and meaningful. You can draw inspiration from love song lyrics, poems, books, movies, or TV shows.
For instance, you could adapt romantic quotes from movies and TV shows, such as:
> "For so long, I wondered if I would ever find my prince, my soulmate. Then three years ago, at another wedding, I turned to a friend for comfort. And instead, I found everything that I'd ever been looking for my whole life. And now here we are, with our future before us, and I only want to spend it with you, my prince, my soulmate, my friend. Unless you don't want to. You go!" – Monica, from a TV show.
> "To love each other, even when we hate each other. No running—ever. Nobody walks out no matter what happens. Take care when old, senile, smelly. This is forever." – Meredith and Derek, from a TV show.
You could also incorporate song lyrics into your vows, such as:
> "I am thinking it's a sign / That the freckles in our eyes / Are mirror images / And when we kiss they're perfectly aligned." – "Such Great Heights" by The Postal Service.
> "How I know your face / All the ways you move / You come in / I can read you / You’re my favourite book." – "My Favourite Book" by Stars.
Alternatively, you might want to include a quote from your favourite author, such as:
> "Love is the ultimate outlaw. It just won't adhere to any rules. The most any of us can do is to sign on as its accomplice. Instead of vowing to honour and obey, maybe we should swear to aid and abet. That would mean that security is out of the question. The words 'make' and 'stay' become inappropriate. My love for you has no strings attached. I love you for free." – Tom Robbins, “Still Life with Woodpecker”.
You could also include a favourite quote from Winnie the Pooh:
> "If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day, so I never have to live without you."
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Make a list of I love you because..
Writing your own wedding vows can be a daunting task, but it is a great way to personalize your wedding and make it meaningful. One idea is to make a list of "I love you because..." statements, which can be read by the officiant during the ceremony. Here is some inspiration for writing your own "I love you because..." list:
Paragraph 1
"I love you because you always make me laugh, even when I am feeling down. I love you because you are kind and honest, and your creativity inspires me daily. I love you because you are my best friend and my partner in mischief, and I cannot imagine facing life without you by my side."
Paragraph 2
"I love you because you always know how to make me smile. I love you because you are thoughtful and caring, always putting others before yourself. I love you because of the little things you do, like making me a cup of tea in the morning or sending me a sweet text message during the day. I love you because you bring joy and happiness into my life."
Paragraph 3
"I love you because you are my rock, my shelter from the storm. I love you because you are strong and supportive, always encouraging me to be the best version of myself. I love you because you accept me for who I am, flaws and all, and you make me want to be a better person. I love you because our relationship is built on trust, honesty, and mutual respect."
Paragraph 4
"I love you because of the life we have built together, a home filled with love and laughter. I love you because of our shared adventures and experiences, and the many more we have yet to come. I love you because you are my person, my soulmate, and my everything. I love you because, with you, I know that our love will always withstand any challenges that come our way."
Remember, these paragraphs can be customized to fit your unique relationship and experiences. Feel free to add specific examples and anecdotes to make them even more personal and heartfelt.
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Incorporate music into the ceremony
Music is a powerful tool to express your emotions and can be seamlessly incorporated into your wedding ceremony. Here are some ideas to include music instead of, or alongside, traditional wedding vows:
Prelude Music
Prelude music is played while guests are being seated and creates a romantic atmosphere before the ceremony begins. It is usually light and ambient, setting the mood for the occasion. Prelude music typically starts when the doors open, or up to 45 minutes before the ceremony, and you will need around 5-10 songs for this period.
Processional Music
Processional music accompanies the entry of VIPs, including the officiant, grandparents, parents, wedding party members, and, of course, the couple. It is customary for the same song to be played for each entrance, but you can switch to a different song when the bride enters to add drama and highlight their grand entrance.
Interludes
You can add a musical interlude before or after your vows. This could be an instrumental, vocal, or solo piece. If you opt for an instrumental, consider something more reserved, allowing guests to reflect on the moment. Vocal pieces should pertain to marriage or great love, such as "The Wedding Song" by Paul Stookey. Alternatively, a soloist could sing a romantic song to the couple.
Singing or Lip-Syncing Vows
For the musically inclined, you could consider singing your vows. Blake Shelton, for example, wrote an entire song for his bride, Gwen Stefani, instead of speaking traditional vows. If singing isn't your forte, lip-syncing to a romantic song can be a fun and lighthearted alternative.
Instrumental Vows
For those who share their emotions through music, an instrumental song can be played during the vows. Ensure the music is softly played so that it doesn't overpower your words. The instrumental can be an opportunity to creatively express your emotions alongside your spoken vows.
Remember to consider the size of your venue and any guidelines or restrictions on music. Discuss your plans with your officiant, DJ, and other vendors to ensure a seamless musical experience on your special day.
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Ask your celebrant to write your vows for you
If you're looking for an alternative to writing your own wedding vows, you can ask your celebrant to write them for you. This is a great option if you're feeling anxious about speaking in front of a large group or if you're unsure about what to say. Your celebrant will be able to guide you and help you get your thoughts and feelings on paper. They can create vows that are unique to you and your partner, reflecting your relationship and what's important to you.
When working with your celebrant, be sure to communicate what's important to you and your marriage. Discuss the virtues you value in your relationship and how you want your vows to represent your commitment to each other. This will help your celebrant craft vows that are meaningful and authentic.
If you're not comfortable with public speaking, your celebrant can structure the vows so that you only need to say "I do" or "I will." Alternatively, you and your partner can say the same vows simultaneously, reducing the pressure of speaking alone. This way, you can still have personalized vows without the stress of writing and delivering them entirely on your own.
Your celebrant can also help you incorporate traditional elements into your vows if you wish. Many religious ceremonies have specific vows or wording associated with them, and your celebrant can guide you in navigating these traditions while still creating a unique experience. They can also advise on the format, such as whether you want to memorize the vows, repeat after the officiant, or have them recited in the form of questions.
By involving your celebrant in the process, you can ensure that your vows are a true representation of your relationship and values. This collaborative approach allows you to have personalized vows without the stress and anxiety that can sometimes come with writing them entirely on your own. So, if you're looking for an alternative, consider enlisting the help of your celebrant to create a meaningful and authentic experience.
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Frequently asked questions
Some couples prefer traditional vows, or to tweak traditional vows to make them more personal. You could also ask your celebrant to write vows for you, or incorporate lyrics or excerpts from your favourite writers or musicians.
Traditional vows often include the lines: "for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health".
Non-traditional vows can be personalised to the couple. For example, one partner might say: "I will always work to be worthy of your love, and accept that neither of us is perfect. I promise wherever you go, we will go together, where we will build a life far greater than we could ever imagine on our own".
Some couples prefer to exchange letters or privately share their vows while music plays in the background. Other options include cultural or general activities such as releasing doves or butterflies, hand-tying or hand-fasting, jumping the broom, or having a toast during the ceremony.
