Wedding Guest List: Relatives To Invite

Deciding who to invite to your wedding is a challenging part of the planning process. While it's essential to include immediate family members, such as parents, siblings, and grandparents, it can be tricky when it comes to extended family like aunts, uncles, and cousins. Some suggest inviting in circles, such as all aunts and uncles or none, to avoid drama and hurt feelings. Others recommend considering how close you are to each relative and whether they will add to your day. Budget and venue constraints also play a role in guest list decisions. Ultimately, it's important to remember that your wedding day is about celebrating your love with people who bring you joy and support your relationship.

Immediate family members

If you have a lot of aunts, uncles, and cousins, deciding who to invite can be tricky. It's important to be as fair and equitable as possible. If you want to invite one of your first cousins, you'll probably have to invite them all—and your partner should be able to invite their first cousins, too.

If you have stepparents, stepsiblings, or half-siblings, they are also considered immediate family and should be at the top of your guest list.

Your wedding day is one of the biggest days of your life, so you're allowed to do it on your terms. That might mean letting some people down and not extending an invite. You don't have to invite your entire family to your wedding, especially if you have a big one. It might not be good for the vibes on the day either.

If you have a small wedding, you might only invite immediate family and best friends. But if you're having something bigger, you might expand that to include close family and friends. It really depends on the vibe you're going for and who you want to be present.

Another option is to invite only immediate family and closest friends to the ceremony, but expand the guest list for the reception. This is a great solution if you want an intimate, private wedding but also have a lot of people you feel you "must" invite.

If you have relatives who don't support your relationship, you may decide not to invite them. Your wedding is about you and your partner, and it's not the place to stir up old disagreements or family tension.

Extended family members

Deciding whether to invite extended family members to your wedding can be a tricky task. Here are some things to consider:

Budget and Venue

The number of people you can invite will depend on your budget and venue capacity. Creating a guest list before choosing a venue will help you select a space that can accommodate your desired number of guests. It's also important to consider the type of wedding you're planning and whether you want an intimate or grand celebration. A small wedding may only include immediate family and best friends, while a larger wedding can expand to include extended family and friends.

Family Dynamics

If you have a large extended family, you may need to be selective about who to invite. It is generally considered better to invite in circles, such as all aunts and uncles or none, rather than choosing individual aunts or uncles to invite. This helps to avoid hurt feelings and family drama. However, if there are certain relatives you are not close to and haven't seen or spoken to in years, you may decide not to invite them, especially if your relationship has been strained or there has been a falling out.

Plus-Ones for Extended Family

When deciding whether to allow plus-ones for extended family members, consider your relationship with them and whether they are in a serious relationship. Guests living with a significant other, even if they are not engaged or married, should generally be invited with a plus-one. For other extended family members, you can be more discretionary, considering factors such as whether the plus-one knows other guests and whether the guest would be more comfortable with a date.

Children of Extended Family Members

Whether to invite children is another important consideration. If you have toddler nieces and nephews, teenage cousins, or other children of extended family members whom you adore, you may choose to include them. However, if that is not your vision, you are not obligated to invite them. You can restrict the guest list to only children who are in the wedding party, or you can invite children on a case-by-case basis, indicating on the invitation which children are welcome.

Honesty and Communication

If you are unable to invite all extended family members, it is important to be honest and communicate this gently. You can explain that you had to make tough decisions due to budget and space constraints, and emphasise that it doesn't mean you don't want to celebrate with them. You could even plan a separate, more intimate gathering before or after the wedding to celebrate with those who couldn't be invited.

Close friends

• Best friends and chosen family: Your closest friends, often referred to as your chosen family, are a must-invite. These friends are likely to be included in your wedding party and will stand by your side throughout the celebrations.
• Long-time friends: The friends who have known you the longest and have shared many experiences with you should be at the top of your list. Consider how well they know your partner and how much their presence would mean to you as a couple.
• School friends: Friends from high school or college can add a joyful and nostalgic touch to your wedding. If you have maintained these friendships over the years, consider including them.
• Distant friends: Friends you don't see or speak to regularly, such as those you only connect with on social media, can be lower on the list. It's okay to prioritise friends you keep in touch with more frequently.
• Friends you've lost touch with: If you haven't spoken to a friend in years and have drifted apart, it's not necessary to invite them to your wedding. This is especially true if you wouldn't spend $300 on a meal with them.
• Friends with whom you've had a falling out: If you've had a falling out with a friend and haven't spoken in a year or more, you may not want to extend an invitation. Weddings are about celebrating love and joy, and you don't want any negative energy or tension on your special day.
• Friends who didn't invite you to their wedding: If a friend invited you to their wedding years ago but you're no longer close, you are not obligated to reciprocate the invitation. It's understandable if your friendship has changed or faded over time.
• Friends with toxic behaviours: If you have friends who are controlling, confrontational, or always trying to steal the show, you may want to reconsider inviting them. Your wedding day is about celebrating your love, and you don't need any added stress or drama.
• Friends with plus-ones: Consider inviting friends' long-term partners or live-in partners. For other friends, you can be more discretionary. You may want to include a plus-one for a friend who doesn't know many people at the wedding or if it's a destination wedding. However, if budget and space are a concern, trimming plus-ones can be a good option.

Distant friends

When it comes to deciding who to invite to your wedding, it's important to remember that your wedding day is one of the biggest days of your life, and you should do it on your terms. This means that you don't have to invite your entire family, and the same goes for friends.

If you're finding it difficult to decide, consider creating a document titled "I Am So Excited to Have These People at Our Wedding" and start writing down names without overthinking it. Once you've listed the friends who come to mind first, skim through your phone: Who do you text or hang out with often? Who did you invite to your birthday party?

Another way to decide is to consider your budget and venue. If you have a small budget and venue, you may not be able to invite all of your distant friends.

If you're still struggling with whether or not to invite certain distant friends, ask yourself the following questions:

• Will not inviting this person cause drama or hurt feelings?
• Is this person important to me and my partner?
• Will this person add to my day and bring me joy?
• Am I obligated to invite this person?

Remember, it's your wedding day, and you should be surrounded by people who love and support you.

Children

Deciding whether or not to invite children to your wedding is a tricky subject. Some people think they bring a sense of fun to the day, while others think they are loud and distracting. It is important to remember that it is your wedding, and you are not obliged to invite children if you don't want to.

If you do decide to invite children, it is important to set a rule and stick to it. For example, you could invite only children who are in the wedding party, such as flower girls or ring bearers. Alternatively, you could invite children on a case-by-case basis, such as inviting your goddaughter but not your neighbour's infant. This can be indicated by writing specific names on each invitation.

If you are worried about the behaviour of children at your wedding, you could provide kid-friendly food, activities, and mocktails to keep them entertained. However, it is also valid to not want children at your wedding because you want an intimate, adult-only affair.

If you are concerned about offending parents by not inviting their children, you could consider having a separate celebration with them after the wedding, such as a potluck, backyard barbecue, or cocktail party. This way, you can still celebrate with them without having children at your wedding.

Ultimately, the decision to invite children to your wedding is a personal one, and you should do what feels right for you and your partner.

Frequently asked questions