Wedding Invitation Etiquette: Whose Name Should Be First?

When it comes to wedding invitations, there are many questions that arise, such as whose name goes first and how to structure the invite. While there is no right or wrong way to word a wedding invitation, there are some traditions and considerations to keep in mind. Traditionally, the bride's parents host and pay for the wedding, so the bride's name typically comes first, followed by the groom's full name. However, this tradition is becoming less common, and many couples now opt for a more modern approach, such as alphabetical order or simply choosing the order that sounds the best. Same-sex couples may also choose to go with alphabetical order or decide based on what they are usually known as as a couple. Ultimately, the key is to choose what feels comfortable and sounds good to the couple, regardless of tradition or etiquette.

Same-sex couples: alphabetical order or what sounds best

When it comes to wedding invitation etiquette for same-sex couples, there are a few options to consider. The first is to address each person individually with the appropriate title and write each name on a separate line, just as one would for an unmarried opposite-sex couple. In this case, the order of the names doesn't typically matter, but if you're unsure, arranging them alphabetically is a safe choice.

If the couple is married, you can write both names on the same line, separated by "and", along with their respective titles, such as "Mr. Dan Brown and Mr. John Smith" or "Mrs. Amanda Jones and Mrs. Jane Williams". Alternatively, you can use the plural form of the title, especially if they share the same last name, such as "The Messrs. Dan and John Smith" or "The Mesdames Amanda and Jane Williams".

Another option is to use a more casual approach, such as using only first and last names or even just first names, depending on the formality of the wedding. Ultimately, the decision comes down to either alphabetical order or what sounds best together. When in doubt, it's always a good idea to ask the couple for their preferred greeting to ensure you address them correctly.

Married Couple with Different Last Names

Mr. Charles Adams and Mr. John Green

Married Couple with the Same Last Name

The Messrs. Charles and John Green

Or

Mmes. Anna and Emily Andrews

Unmarried Couple

Mr. Stanley Kim and Ms. Amanda Rhee

Casual Invitation Wording

Emily and Zara

Or

Zara and Emily

Bride's name first: tradition and etiquette

Brides' Names First: Tradition and Etiquette

The bride's name typically comes first on wedding invitations, and this tradition stems from the bride's family usually hosting and paying for the wedding. However, this custom is not set in stone, and modern couples have more flexibility in how they word their invitations. Here are some considerations regarding wedding invitation wording, including traditions and etiquette, to guide you in deciding whether to put the bride's name first.

Tradition and Etiquette

The tradition of listing the bride's name first on wedding invitations originates from the custom of the bride's family hosting and financing the wedding. In formal invitations issued by the bride's parents, it is customary to refer to their daughter by her first and middle names and the groom by his full name and title. However, this tradition is not as prevalent today, as more couples opt for collaborative celebrations hosted and funded by both sets of parents or even the couple themselves.

Who is Hosting and Paying for the Wedding?

If the bride's parents are solely hosting the wedding, adhering to the tradition of listing their daughter's name first is appropriate. On the other hand, if both sets of parents are contributing equally, it is considerate to include both families' names as hosts, either by stating their names or using a phrase like, "Together with their families, [bride's name] and [groom's name] invite you to celebrate their love and union." This approach acknowledges the involvement of both families in a gracious and polite manner.

Personal Preference and Practical Considerations

Ultimately, the decision to put the bride's name first or not depends on your personal preference and how you want your names to sound and fit within the invitation's design. For same-sex couples, the traditional rule of "ladies first" does not apply. Instead, they can opt for alphabetical order or choose the order that sounds better. Additionally, consider the layout of the text and how your names will appear with any decorative elements. Consistency is essential, so maintain the chosen name order throughout your wedding stationery.

Flexibility in Modern Times

While traditions provide a framework, modern couples have more flexibility to personalise their wedding invitations. If you wish to break with tradition, you can place the groom's full name first or use only first and last names. Middle names are typically included in very formal weddings; otherwise, their usage is based on your preference. Remember, the key is to create a wedding invitation that represents you, your love, and the upcoming celebration while effectively communicating the essential details of your special day.

Groom's name first: breaking with tradition

Grooms name first: breaking with tradition

While wedding traditions are special and meaningful, they are also made to be broken. One such tradition is the order of the couple's names on the wedding invitation. While the bride's name typically comes first, there is a growing trend of couples choosing to list the groom's name first. Here are some reasons why you might want to consider doing the same:

• Personal preference: Ultimately, the decision comes down to what feels right for you and your partner. If you prefer the sound of the groom's name before the bride's, go for it! It's your special day, so make sure the invitation represents your unique style and tone.
• Alphabetical order: For some couples, putting the groom's name first is simply a matter of alphabetical order. This approach can be especially helpful if you're having trouble deciding or if one of you has a strong preference for being listed first.
• Modern twist: Breaking with tradition can add a modern and unexpected twist to your invitation. If you're planning a contemporary wedding or want to signal to guests that your celebration will be non-traditional, this is an excellent way to set the tone from the very beginning.
• Monogram considerations: If you're using a monogram in your invitation design, the groom's name might fit better as the first initial. This is especially relevant if you plan to continue using this monogram post-wedding, as it's customary for the husband's name to come first in household monograms.
• Visual layout: Consider the visual layout of your invitation. If you're including a decorative edge or specific design elements, the groom's name might fit better at the beginning. This is a creative way to ensure that your invitation looks polished and well-designed.

"The honour of your presence is requested at the marriage of Mr. John Smith and Miss Emily Williams on Saturday, the tenth of June, 2024, at five o'clock in the afternoon at [venue address]."

"Together with their families, Alexander Miller and Sophia Anderson invite you to share in the joy of their wedding celebration on Friday, the eighteenth of May, 2024, at four o'clock in the afternoon at [venue address]. Reception to follow."

Remember, there are no hard and fast rules when it comes to your wedding invitations. The most important thing is to choose a wording and order that reflects your personality as a couple and sets the tone for your special day. Happy planning!

Couple's names: when they are hosting

When the couple is hosting the wedding, the traditional way to write their names is to put the bride's name first, followed by the groom's full name. This is because weddings were traditionally hosted and paid for by the bride's family. However, this tradition is not set in stone and can be changed to suit the couple's preference. For instance, some couples may prefer to go in alphabetical order or choose the order that sounds better.

If the couple wishes to stick to tradition, the bride is referred to by her first and middle names, while the groom is referred to by his full name and title (optional). An example of this would be:

"The honour of your presence is requested at the marriage of Miss Samantha Rose and Mr. Alex Daniel Pierson on Saturday, the eighth of September, 2018."

For a more contemporary approach, the couple can include their families' names, as well as their own, in the invitation. An example of this is:

"Together with their families, Samantha Rose Smith and Alex Daniel Pierson invite you to share in the joy and celebration of their marriage on Saturday, the eighth of September, 2018, at six o'clock in the evening."

It is worth noting that the choice of name order is ultimately up to the couple and should be based on what they feel comfortable with.

Parents' names: when they are hosting

When the parents of the couple are hosting the wedding, their names should be included at the top of the invitation. This is usually the bride's parents, but if both sets of parents are contributing, it has become more common to include both. This is considered a polite and considerate gesture, and it is increasingly common for both sides of the family to contribute financially to the wedding.

If the wedding is hosted and paid for by the couple and both sets of parents, you can use a line such as "Together with their parents, [bride name] and [groom name] request the pleasure of your company..."

If you want to include the name of a deceased parent, the standard format needs to be rearranged slightly, as someone who has passed away cannot serve as a host. Here is an example:

> [Bride name], daughter of Mr. [father's name] and the late [mother's name], and [groom name], son of Mr. [father's name] and [mother's name], request the honour of your presence at their wedding on [date] at [time] [location] [city], [state] Dinner and dancing to follow. Black tie required.

If the couple's parents are divorced and you want to include both as hosts, list all parents on separate lines. If including a step-parent, keep their name on the same line as their partner. Here is an example:

> Dr. [father's name] and [stepmother's name]

> Mr. [father's name] and [mother's name]

> invite you to the wedding of their children [couple's names] [date] | [time] [location] [address] [city], [state] Reception immediately following.

The invitation can be started by stating the parents' names or with a short statement, such as "Together with their families, [bride name] and [groom name] invite you to celebrate their love and union."

Frequently asked questions