Wedding Invitation Etiquette: A Guide To Getting It Right

Wedding invitation etiquette is a set of guidelines to ensure that all the important details of a wedding are clearly communicated to guests. The invitations should reflect the wedding style and tone, and include key information such as the date, time, and location. The timing of sending out invitations is also crucial, with a general rule of thumb being to mail them six to eight weeks before the wedding. Wedding invitation etiquette also covers the format of invitations, including the use of titles, spelling out dates and times, and providing clear RSVP instructions.

When to send wedding invitations

Sending out wedding invitations at the right time is a crucial part of wedding planning. It is important to give guests ample time to respond and make travel arrangements, but not so much time that they forget about the event or change their plans.

The timing of sending out wedding invitations depends on several factors, such as the size and nature of the wedding, the number of out-of-town guests, and whether it is a destination wedding.

For a typical wedding, it is generally recommended to send out invitations six to eight weeks before the wedding. This gives guests enough time to clear their schedules, make travel arrangements, and respond with their RSVPs. Sending out invitations too early may result in guests forgetting the details or changing their plans. Waiting too long to send out invitations may result in guests feeling like they are being asked to fill seats rather than being genuinely invited.

If you are inviting many out-of-town guests or hosting a destination wedding, it is advisable to send out invitations earlier, around eight to twelve weeks in advance. This will allow guests ample time to request time off from work, secure accommodations, and make travel arrangements.

In some cultures, it is common to send out wedding invitations much earlier. For example, in Sweden, wedding invitations are typically sent out a year in advance.

It is also worth noting that before sending out wedding invitations, it is customary to send out "Save the Date" cards. These are typically sent out six to twelve months before the wedding to give guests a preliminary notification and allow them to reserve the date on their calendars.

How to address wedding invitations

Wedding invitation etiquette is a complex and nuanced topic, with many rules to follow to ensure your guests feel welcome and respected. Here is a comprehensive guide on how to address wedding invitations, covering various scenarios.

Married Couple with the Same Last Name:

For heterosexual couples, the traditional format is "Mr. and Mrs. [Husband's Full Name]". However, modern alternatives include using both first names, e.g., "Mr. and Mrs. Thomas and Michelle Warren". For same-sex couples, either name can go first.

Married Couple with Different Last Names:

When addressing a married couple with different last names, list their full names with "Mr." or "Mrs." on the invitation. You can choose to write their names on the same line or separate lines. For same-sex couples, follow the same format and use appropriate prefixes.

Married Couple with One Hyphenated Last Name:

When addressing a spouse with a hyphenated last name, include both full names, with the hyphenated name listed last. For example, "Mr. Marcus Craft and Mr. Brian Crosby-Craft".

Unmarried Couple:

For unmarried couples living together, list both full names on one line or separate lines, with appropriate titles. Begin with the person you are closest to or list alphabetically if you are equally close.

Single Person:

For single individuals, use the appropriate prefix based on their gender and marital status: "Mr." for unmarried men, "Ms." for unmarried women over 18, "Miss" for unmarried women under 18, and "Mx." for non-binary guests.

Single Person with a Plus One:

If a single guest is bringing a plus one, include their name if known. Otherwise, simply write "and guest" or "and Guest" after the invitee's name.

Family:

When inviting a family, decide whether to specify which family members are invited. If you want to be general, address the envelope to "The [Family Name]" or "Mr. and Mrs. [Parents' Names]". If you want to be specific, list the names of each family member, including children, in order of age.

Married Couple with Distinguished Titles:

When addressing married couples with distinguished titles, such as doctors, military personnel, judges, or clergy, the person with the title usually comes first, regardless of gender. Use the appropriate titles and abbreviations, such as "Dr." for doctors or "The Honorable" for judges.

Unmarried Couple with Distinguished Titles:

Similar to married couples, list the person with the distinguished title first, regardless of gender. Use appropriate titles and abbreviations for their profession.

Inner and Outer Envelopes:

Traditionally, wedding invitations include an inner and outer envelope. The outer envelope includes the mailing address, postage, and return address, while the inner envelope contains the recipients' names and the invitation suite. The outer envelope is more formal, while the inner envelope is slightly more casual and may include first names. However, using only an outer envelope is becoming more common.

What to include on wedding invitations

Wedding invitations are a crucial part of the big day, so it's important to get them right. Here's a detailed breakdown of what to include:

The Basics

The wedding invitation itself is the most important element. This should include the who, what, when, and where of the nuptials. Be sure to include the names of the couple, the hosts (who are usually the people paying for the wedding), and an invitational line, such as "request the pleasure of your company". The date, time, and location of the ceremony are also essential, and it's important to be clear about whether the reception is in the same place. If not, include a separate reception card.

RSVP Details

It's crucial to include an RSVP card with a pre-addressed and stamped envelope, or clear instructions for how else to respond (e.g. via email or a wedding website). Give your guests a deadline of around three to four weeks before the wedding so that you can confirm final numbers with your venue and caterer.

Optional Extras

There are several other details you might want to include with your invitations. These include:

• An accommodations card with hotel recommendations and room block information.
• A directions card, especially if your venue is in a rural location or guests will need to use public transport.
• A weekend events card, if your wedding will span multiple days and include activities such as a welcome dinner or post-wedding brunch.
• An inner envelope, which can be used to indicate exactly who is invited, especially if you want to specify whether children are included.
• Envelope liners, belly bands, or wax seals for an extra aesthetic touch.

What Not to Include

While it's important to keep your guests informed, be careful not to overload them with information. Any wedding paper that doesn't share an envelope with your invitation is not part of the wedding invitation suite. This includes save-the-dates, thank-you notes, and wedding programs. It's also considered impolite to include registry information on your invitations, though it's fine to include this on your wedding website.

How to word wedding invitations

The wording of your wedding invitations sets the tone for your wedding. Here are some tips on how to word your wedding invitations:

Host Line

The host line is where you name the hosts of the event, usually the people paying for the wedding. If the couple is hosting the wedding themselves, you can omit this line or start the invitation with a warm and welcoming introduction, such as "Together with full hearts" or "With hearts full of love and joy".

If you want to include both sets of parents as hosts, you can say:

> Together with their parents/families, [Couple's names] request the pleasure of your company...

If one or both of the couple's parents are deceased, you can honour them with a line such as:

> [Name of bride/groom], daughter/son of [Name of parent] and the late [Name of deceased parent]

Request Line

The request line is where you invite your guests to join your wedding celebration. Here are some examples:

• "Request the honour of your presence" (traditionally used to denote a religious service)
• "Request the pleasure of your company" (used to denote a non-religious ceremony)
• "Invite you to celebrate with them"
• "Would love for you to join them"

Couple's Names

The couple's names should be front and centre on the invitation. For heterosexual couples, the bride's name typically comes before the groom's. For same-sex couples, you can list the names alphabetically or based on what sounds better.

Date, Time and Location

Include the date, start time and location of the ceremony. For formal invitations, spell out the date, time and day of the week in full. For example, instead of writing "7/2/2025", write "July 2, 2025".

For the time of day, use "o'clock" or "half after four o'clock" instead of "4:00 pm". You can also specify whether it will be in the morning, afternoon or evening.

The venue's street address is usually only included if omitting it would be confusing or if the wedding is taking place at the host's home.

Reception Details

If the ceremony and reception are at the same venue, you can simply say "Reception to follow" or "Dinner and dancing to follow". If the reception is at a different location, include the address on a separate card or on the same line if there is room.

Dress Code

Including the dress code on the invitation is optional but can be helpful for guests. If you don't include attire information, guests will infer the dress code from the formality of the invitation. For example, a formal invitation suggests a formal, black-tie affair, while a simpler invite indicates a more casual dress code.

RSVP Details

Most couples include a separate response card for guests to fill out and return. You can also give guests the option of RSVPing via your wedding website. Include the website address on a separate card and indicate that guests can confirm their attendance there.

Wedding invitation RSVP etiquette

Timing

It is recommended to send wedding invitations eight weeks before the wedding for non-destination weddings and 12 weeks for destination weddings. This allows guests ample time to plan and make travel arrangements. The RSVP deadline should be set for two to three weeks before the wedding, giving the couple enough time to finalise numbers for catering and seating arrangements.

Providing Clear Instructions

Ensure your invitations include an "RSVP by" date and specify how guests should respond, such as providing a pre-addressed envelope with a stamp, an email address, or a wedding website link. This helps avoid confusion and ensures a timely response.

Managing Guest List

Clearly indicate who is invited on the invitation. If only a couple is invited, address the envelope to "Mr. and Mrs." If children are also invited, include their names on a separate line. If a guest is invited with a plus one, specify "and Guest" or include the partner's name if known. If you are having an adults-only wedding, be explicit by addressing each guest by name instead of using "and Guest" or "Family".

Following Up

Don't be afraid to call guests who haven't responded by the deadline. This helps ensure you have an accurate headcount and avoids last-minute surprises.

Cancelling Attendance

Guests should respond as soon as possible, especially if they need to decline the invitation. It is considered rude not to respond at all. If a guest's circumstances change after accepting the invitation, they should inform the couple as soon as possible, especially if it is an illness or family emergency.

Additional Considerations

When providing meal options, ask guests to initial their selection. Numbering the RSVP cards can also help keep track of responses, especially if guests forget to write their names.

Remember, the key to successful wedding invitation RSVP etiquette is clear and timely communication, ensuring that your guests have all the information they need to respond, and being respectful of the couple's planning process.

Frequently asked questions