Deborah Chan
Wedding vows are promises exchanged between partners during a wedding ceremony. They are not universal to marriage and are not necessary in most legal jurisdictions. However, they have been a part of wedding ceremonies for centuries, with the oldest traditional wedding vows being traced back to the manuals of the medieval church. Today, couples may choose to write their own vows or rely on traditional ones. Traditional vows are often determined by the religion that underlies the marriage ceremony, though interfaith and non-denominational ceremonies also have their own traditions. Religious wedding vows should not be modified, but couples may choose to add religious readings, poetry, or extracts.
| Characteristics | Values |
|---|---|
| Recited promises | Self-written or traditional |
| Religious undertones | Determined by the religion of the couple |
| Ring exchange | Immediately follows the vows |
| Variations | Monologue-style, repeat after officiant, or prompted response |
| Declarations | Reference to God and commitment |
| Examples | "I take you to be my wedded wife/husband", "to have and to hold", "for better, for worse", "for richer, for poorer", "in sickness and in health", "until death do us part", "I will love and honour you" |
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What You'll Learn
Variations in wording
The wording of traditional wedding vows varies depending on the couple's religion, the preferences of the officiant, and the couple's home country. While some couples write their own vows, traditional vows are often used as a base for personalisation.
In the United States, Catholic wedding vows may take the following form:
> I, [name], take you, [name], to be my lawfully wedded [husband/wife], to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part.
In the Latin Church of the Catholic Church, the customary text in English is:
> I, [name], take you, [name], to be my [husband/wife]. I promise to be true to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health. I will love you and honour you all the days of my life.
In the UK, the religious vows used today were first written in the Book of Common Prayer in 1549 but were around much earlier in the Sarum Rite in Medieval England. The traditional vows printed in the Book of Common Prayer are:
> I, [name], take thee, [name], to be my wedded wife/husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part, according to God's holy ordinance; and thereto I plight thee my troth.
In Jewish ceremonies, vows are only recited when the ring is given. The groom says:
> Behold, thou art consecrated unto me with this ring according to the law of Moses and of Israel.
If the wedding is a double-ring ceremony, the bride recites the same words (with changes for gender) and places the ring on the groom's finger.
In Hindu weddings, couples recite a set of vows known as saptapadi, or the Seven Steps. This list of promises is recited as the couple walks around a ring of fire to honour Agni, the Hindu god of fire.
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Religious vs. non-denominational vows
Religious and non-denominational wedding vows differ in their content, structure, and delivery. Religious vows are often determined by the specific religion underpinning the marriage ceremony, with interfaith and non-denominational ceremonies also having their own traditions. These vows are typically more structured, with specific wording and rituals that may include ring exchanges and declarations of faith.
Non-denominational vows, on the other hand, offer more flexibility in terms of wording and structure. Couples can choose to adapt existing samples, write their own from scratch, or blend different styles. While non-denominational vows may still include spiritual elements, they are not tied to a specific religion's beliefs and rituals.
For example, a religious wedding vow in a Christian ceremony may begin with an invocation: "Heavenly Father, I ask that you bless [Groom] and [Bride] who come before you to be joined in the bond of holy matrimony, that they may give their vows to one another in the strength and spirit of your steadfast love." This is followed by the exchange of vows, where the bride and groom promise to love, honour, and sustain each other "in sickness as in health, in poverty as in wealth, and to be true to [each other] in all things until death alone shall part [them]."
In contrast, a non-denominational wedding vow may focus on the couple's unique love story and personal commitments. For instance: "I choose you, [Partner's name], to be my [spouse], as my friend and love. On this day, I affirm the relationship we have enjoyed, looking to the future to keep and strengthen it. I will be yours in plenty and in want, in sickness and in health, in failure and triumph. Together, we will dream and live as one, respecting one another. I will cherish, comfort, and encourage you, be open with you, and stay with you as long as I shall live."
Couples can also incorporate non-traditional elements into their vows, such as honouring the presence of children from previous relationships: "You have restored love and laughter to my life, and you have treated my children as if they were your own. For that, I pledge my undying love and devotion to you."
Ultimately, the choice between religious and non-denominational vows depends on the couple's beliefs, preferences, and the type of ceremony they wish to have. Both options offer meaningful ways to express love and commitment, allowing couples to tailor their vows to reflect their relationship and values.
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The ring exchange
In a traditional Christian wedding ceremony, the ring exchange follows the recitation of vows, with the groom placing the ring on the bride's finger and saying:
> "With this ring, I thee wed, with my body I thee worship, and with all my worldly goods I thee endow: In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost. Amen."
The bride then receives the ring and says:
> "I, [name], take you, [name], for my lawful husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part. I will love and honour you all the days of my life."
In a double-ring ceremony, the bride also places a ring on the groom's finger, reciting similar vows with adjustments for gender.
In Muslim traditions, the ring exchange may include vows such as:
> "I, [name], offer you myself in marriage and in accordance with the instructions of the Holy Quran and the Holy Prophet, peace and blessing be upon him. I pledge, in honesty and with sincerity, to be for you an obedient and faithful husband/wife."
The exchange of rings is often accompanied by additional vows or declarations that vary depending on the couple's religious and cultural backgrounds. In Jewish ceremonies, for example, the groom may say:
> "Behold, thou art consecrated unto me with this ring according to the law of Moses and Israel."
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The history of wedding vows
The wedding vow is a solemn pledge between two people on the day they become legally wed. The oldest wedding vows can be traced back to the manuals of the medieval church in England. The first Book of Common Prayer, published in 1549, included various marriage vow examples that inspired the traditional phrases many couples still use today.
The traditional Christian wedding vow, as printed in the Book of Common Prayer, goes as follows:
> Groom: I, [name], take thee, [name], to be my wedded wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part, according to God's holy ordinance; and thereto I plight thee my troth.
> Bride: I, [name], take thee, [name], to be my wedded husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love, cherish, and obey, till death us do part, according to God's holy ordinance; and thereto I give thee my troth.
The groom then places the ring on the bride's finger and says:
> With this Ring I thee wed, with my body I thee worship, and with all my worldly goods.
In the United States, Catholic wedding vows may take a slightly different form:
> I, [name], take you, [name], to be my lawfully wedded [husband/wife], to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part. I will love and honour you all the days of my life.
The priest will then say aloud:
> You have declared your consent before the Church. May the Lord in his goodness strengthen your consent and fill you both with his blessings. What God has joined, men must not divide. Amen.
In Jewish ceremonies, vows are recited only when the ring is given. The groom says:
> Behold, thou art consecrated unto me with this ring according to the law of Moses and of Israel.
The groom then places the ring on the bride's finger. If the wedding is a double-ring ceremony, the bride recites the same words (with changes for gender) and places the ring on the groom's finger.
At Hindu weddings, couples recite a set of vows known as saptapadi, or the Seven Steps. This list of promises is recited as the couple walks around a ring of fire to honour Agni, the Hindu god of fire.
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The meaning of to have and to hold
The phrase "to have and to hold" is a traditional element of wedding vows, often included in the line: "I take you to be my wedded wife/husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part."
Historically, the phrase "to have and to hold" was a legal term referring to property rights. In the context of traditional marriage vows, however, it is not a statement of ownership, but rather a commitment of love, tenderness, and giving. It signifies that both spouses have "ownership" over each other's bodies, and it is a promise to give one's body and affection willingly to one's partner. It is a pledge to provide physical love and support to one's spouse, and to make time for each other and each other's needs.
In the Bible, Ephesians 5:21 says, "submit to one another out of reverence for Christ", which is interpreted to mean giving one's spouse the utmost respect as an equal. Similarly, Genesis 2:24 (KJV) says, "Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh." The Greek word for "cleave" (proskollaó) means to join or unite, further emphasising the idea of belonging together.
By including "to have and to hold" in their wedding vows, couples are committing to a lifelong journey of mutual support, respect, and love, where they choose each other daily and work through challenges together. It is a powerful reminder that marriage is about giving and belonging, rather than taking or demanding.
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Frequently asked questions
Traditional wedding vows are promises each partner in a couple makes to the other during a wedding ceremony. They are based on Western Christian norms and are not universal to marriage or necessary in most legal jurisdictions.
Some examples of traditional wedding vows include:
- "I, [name], take you, [name], to be my [wife/husband], to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part. I will love and honour you all the days of my life."
- "I, [name], offer you myself in marriage and in accordance with the instructions of the Holy Quran and the Holy Prophet, peace and blessing be upon him. I pledge, in honesty and with sincerity, to be for you an obedient and faithful [wife/husband]."
- "I, [name], take you, [name], for my lawful [wife/husband], to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, until parted by death."
There are several ways to exchange traditional wedding vows. You can memorise the words ahead of time, repeat them after the officiant, or the officiant can recite them in the form of a question, prompting a response of "I do" or "I will".
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