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Wedding vows are promises exchanged between partners during a wedding ceremony or private exchange. While many believe that traditional wedding vows are derived from the Bible, there is no record of this in the Christian text. Instead, the first mention of marriage vows was in the Medieval Church in England, in a prayer book written in 1549. This book, called The Book of Common Prayer, is believed to be the source of the wedding vows used today. Couples can choose to write their own vows, making them personal, unique, and meaningful, or they can opt for traditional vows, which have endured for centuries and often end up meaning even more to couples later in their marriage.
| Characteristics | Values |
|---|---|
| Origin | The first mention of marriage vows was in the Medieval Church in England. The Book of Common Prayer by Thomas Cranmer, Archbishop of Canterbury, published in 1549, is believed to be the source of traditional Westernized wedding vows. |
| Purpose | Wedding vows are promises exchanged between partners during a wedding ceremony or private exchange. |
| Timing | Vows are typically recited after the ceremony introduction and any readings, but before the rings are exchanged. |
| Order | Traditionally, the groom speaks his vows first, followed by the bride. However, there are no fixed rules, and couples may choose a different order, especially at LGBTQIA+ and non-denominational weddings. |
| Content | Vows can include words of endearment, expressions of love and devotion, and personal touches such as humorous or emotional statements. |
| Customization | Couples can choose to write their own vows or use a traditional template as a guide. |
| Practice | It is recommended to start drafting vows at least a month in advance and to practice reading them aloud to reduce anxiety. |
| Declaration of Intent | This precedes the vows and involves the officiant asking each partner if they accept the other as their "lawfully wedded spouse," to which they respond with "I do" or "I will." |
| Pronouncement | After the vows and ring exchange, the officiant proclaims the couple as officially married. |
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What You'll Learn
Wedding vows are personal and unique
Wedding vows are deeply personal and unique to each couple. They are an opportunity to express your love and devotion to your partner in your own words. While traditional vows have their place and meaning, many couples today choose to write their own vows to make the ceremony more intimate and meaningful.
The history of wedding vows dates back to the Medieval Church in England, with the first mention of marriage vows appearing in a prayer book from 1549. This book, known as The Book of Common Prayer, was written by Thomas Cranmer, Archbishop of Canterbury, and translated medieval Catholic customs from Latin to English. The traditional vows from this book, such as "I take thee to be my wedded wife/husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, till death us do part," have endured for centuries and are still used today.
However, modern couples often opt for more personalised vows that reflect their unique relationship. Writing your own vows can be a daunting task, but it allows you to infuse humour, quirkiness, emotion, and seriousness into your promises. It is a chance to remind your partner how much you care and to honour them in a way that is authentic to your love story. Whether you choose to include religious elements or not, the key is to speak from the heart and make your vows a true expression of your commitment.
There is no one-size-fits-all approach to writing wedding vows. Some people prefer to brainstorm and plan their vows well in advance, while others work better under pressure. It is essential to make the vows your own, whether you include intimate moments, song lyrics, or funny promises. The more true to yourself and your partner you can be, the more special and memorable your vows will become.
Ultimately, wedding vows are a deeply personal declaration of love and commitment. Whether you follow a traditional template or create your own, the uniqueness of your vows lies in the sincerity with which you express your promises to your partner.
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The history of wedding vows
The wedding vows that are practised in most English-speaking countries can be traced back to the manuals of the medieval church in England. The first mention of marriage vows was in a prayer book written in 1549, which inspired the traditional phrases many couples share today. This prayer book was the first edition of The Book of Common Prayer, compiled by Thomas Cranmer, Archbishop of Canterbury. In it, Cranmer translated medieval Catholic customs, such as the Sarum rite, from Latin to English.
The Sarum rite is where we get the wedding vows we use today. The 1552 edition of The Book of Common Prayer included the following vows:
> I [Name] take thee [Name] to be my wedded wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us depart, according to God's holy ordinance: And thereto I plight thee my troth.
The original wedding vows, as printed in the Book of Common Prayer, included the clause "to love and to cherish", but couples could choose to replace this with "to love, cherish, and obey". The word "obey" has since been removed from most historical texts, starting in 1928 with the women's suffragist movement.
Today, wedding vows are the promises to-be-weds make to each other during the wedding ceremony or a private exchange. The vows may be said at different points during the ceremony, depending on the couple's faith and the type of ceremony.
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The structure of the wedding ceremony
The structure of a wedding ceremony can vary depending on the couple's cultural background, religion, and personal preferences. While there is no standard format that must be followed, there are some common elements that are typically included in a wedding ceremony. Here is a general outline of the structure of a wedding ceremony:
The Processional
The wedding ceremony usually begins with the processional, where the members of the wedding party, including the bride and groom, walk down the aisle to take their places. The order of the processional can vary, but it typically starts with the grandparents of the bride, followed by the grandparents of the groom, the groomsmen, the best man, the bridesmaids, the maid of honor, the ring bearer, and the flower girl. Finally, the bride walks down the aisle, often escorted by her parents.
Once everyone is in place, the officiant will begin the ceremony with a few words of welcome and an introduction. This introduction can include a brief recounting of the couple's love story, words on what marriage means, or a statement about the ceremony and what it represents.
Readings and Rituals
After the introduction, there may be readings or rituals included in the ceremony. These readings can be religious or secular, depending on the couple's preferences. Some couples choose to include unifying rituals such as candle lighting, wine box ceremonies, tree planting, or sand ceremonies to symbolize the unification of the couple.
Exchange of Vows
The exchange of vows is a crucial part of the wedding ceremony. The vows are the promises that the couple makes to each other, expressing their love and commitment. The vows can be pre-written or personalized by the couple. Traditionally, the groom would say his vows first, followed by the bride, but nowadays, many couples choose to go in a different order, especially at LGBTQIA+ weddings.
Exchange of Rings
After the vows, the couple exchanges wedding rings, often accompanied by the phrase, "with this ring, I thee wed." The exchange of rings symbolizes the couple's commitment and unity.
Declaration of Intent
The declaration of intent typically follows the exchange of vows. It involves the officiant asking each partner if they will take the other person as their "lawfully wedded spouse," and the couple confirms with "I do" or "I will." This declaration is a legal requirement in some states.
Pronouncement
After the declaration of intent, the officiant pronounces the couple as married, using words such as, "By the power vested in me by the state of [marrying location], I now pronounce you [wife and wife/husband and husband/husband and wife]! You may now kiss."
Signing of the Marriage License
The next step is the signing of the marriage license, which is a legal requirement to make the union official. The couple, their witnesses, and the officiant will sign the documents to finalize the marriage.
The officiant will then conclude the ceremony with final words and congratulations to the newly married couple. The couple and the wedding party will then recess down the aisle, followed by the guests, often accompanied by an upbeat song and the throwing of confetti.
It is important to note that the structure of a wedding ceremony can vary depending on cultural and religious traditions. For example, Hindu weddings span several days and include rituals such as the baraat (groom's processional) and the Milni ceremony, while Jewish weddings feature a chuppah, a four-poled canopy that represents the creation of a new Jewish home.
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The meaning of traditional vows
Traditional wedding vows are the promises that to-be-weds make to each other during a wedding ceremony or a private exchange. The first mention of marriage vows was in the Medieval Church in England, in a prayer book written in 1549 with various marriage vow examples that inspired the traditional phrases many couples share today. The Book of Common Prayer by Thomas Cranmer, Archbishop of Canterbury, is believed to be the origin of wedding vows or at least the traditional Westernised version. In the first edition, published in 1549, Cranmer translated medieval Catholic customs, like the Sarum rite, from Latin to English. The Sarum rite is the source of the wedding vows used today.
> "I [Name] take thee [Name] to be my wedded wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us depart, according to God's holy ordinance: And thereto I plight thee my troth."
The phrase ""I take thee to be my wedded wife/husband" is a way of saying, "I choose you as my teammate! I freely unite myself to you for life". The words ""to have and to hold" refer to belonging together. The traditional wedding vow "till death do us part" signifies free will and a voluntary decision, establishing personal responsibility for one's choice.
The declaration of intent is for both partners to state that they are entering the marriage of their own free will and want to be each other's spouse. This is typically followed by the officiant asking each partner if they will take the other person as their "lawfully wedded spouse", to which both people are expected to confirm with "I do" or "I will".
The exchange of rings immediately follows the recitation of vows and serves to seal those promises, though not all religions or ceremonies include a ring exchange. The ring symbolises the unbroken circle of love.
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How to write your own vows
Writing your own wedding vows can be daunting, but it's a great opportunity to inject your personality and humour into your special day. The most meaningful vows are those that reflect the unique bond between you and your partner. Here are some tips to help you get started:
Brainstorm and Collect Your Thoughts
Start by brainstorming and collecting your thoughts and intentions. You can write down your ideas or type them into a document. Consider the following questions: Where did you meet? What did you immediately think of them? Was there a specific moment when you realised you loved this person? Think about intimate moments that brought you and your partner to where you are today. You can also include inside jokes, sweet moments, and other personal touches.
Structure and Tone
Discuss with your partner the length, tone, and content of your vows. You may want to give them a general outline to fill in if they're struggling to get started. It's important to ensure your vows complement each other and don't clash—for example, one partner might have three minutes of serious vows, while the other has only 20 seconds of lighthearted vows.
Traditional Elements
Traditional wedding vows typically include phrases such as "to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part." You can use these as a starting point and personalise them to make them your own.
Declarations of Love and Support
Don't forget to include "I love you" in your vows. You can also mention specific ways you will show your love and support, such as "I vow to always support you," or "I promise to make you laugh when you're taking life too seriously." You can also add humour, such as "I vow to always let you have the last fry."
Speak from the Heart
Most importantly, speak from the heart and be true to yourself and your partner. Your vows should reflect your unique relationship and the promises you want to make to each other.
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Frequently asked questions
Wedding vows are the promises to-be-weds make to each other during the wedding ceremony or a private exchange.
Traditional wedding vows are those that have been around for centuries and usually end up meaning even more to couples later in their marriage than on the day of the wedding. An example of a traditional wedding vow is: "I, [name], take thee, [name], to be my wedded wife/husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part."
No, you don't have to write your own wedding vows. You can use a template or example vows as inspiration.
