Deborah Chan
Wedding vows are the promises each partner in a couple makes to the other during a wedding ceremony. They are not universal to marriage and are not necessary in most legal jurisdictions. However, they are the beating heart of the wedding and are often declarations of lifelong commitment to each other in the presence of loved ones. The religious vows used today in the UK were first written in the Book of Common Prayer in 1549, though they were around much earlier in the Sarum Rite in Medieval England. The oldest traditional wedding vows can be traced back to the manuals of the medieval church. In England, there were manuals of the dioceses of Salisbury (Sarum) and York. The first Book of Common Prayer published in 1549, based its marriage service mainly on the Sarum manual. The most common religious wedding vow is: I, [name], take you, [name], to be my [wife/husband], to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part.
| Characteristics | Values |
|---|---|
| Religious tradition | Varies depending on the religion and culture |
| Customizability | Some religious vows are set in stone, while others allow for customization |
| Venue | Must be held in a registered religious building |
| Declarations | Reference God and the couple's commitment to each other |
| Length | Between one and two minutes long when read aloud |
| Format | Traditionally, the groom speaks his vows first |
| Examples | "I, [name], take thee, [name], to be my wedded wife/husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part" |
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What You'll Learn
Episcopal wedding vows
The wedding ceremony process includes the celebrant or officiant addressing the congregation, followed by the declaration of consent, the ministry of the word, and then the main event—the marriage. During the marriage, the couple will exchange vows, followed by prayers, which may include the Lord's Prayer, the peace, and Holy Communion.
The traditional Episcopal wedding vows are as follows:
> [Name], wilt thou have this woman/man to be thy wedded wife/husband to live together after God's ordinance in the Holy Estate of matrimony? Wilt thou love her/him? Comfort her/him, honor and keep her/him, in sickness and in health, and forsaking all others keep thee only unto her/him as long as you both shall live?
> In the name of God, I, [name], take you, [name], to be my [wife/husband], to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, until we are parted by death/till death do us part.
The vows are then sealed with a ring exchange, with the priest or bishop blessing the rings.
The Episcopal Church voted in 2000 to allow couples to replace the clause "to love and to cherish" with "to love, cherish, and obey" when the bride makes her vows.
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Presbyterian vows
Presbyterian wedding vows are vows of love and faithfulness given in accordance with God's ordinance. They are usually based on the Presbyterian Book of Common Worship and are led by a pastor or minister of the church.
Before giving their vows, the couple will affirm their desire and intention to enter into the covenant of marriage during their declarations of intention. The officiant will address the couple with one of the following options from the Book of Common Worship:
> Name, understanding that God has created, ordered, and blessed the covenant of marriage, do you affirm your desire and intention to enter this covenant?
> Name, in your baptism you have been called to union with Christ and the church. Do you intend to honor this calling through the covenant of marriage?
The traditional Presbyterian wedding vows are as follows:
> Officiant: " [Name], wilt thou have this [woman/man] to be thy [wife/husband], and wilt thou pledge thy faith to [him/her], in all love and honour, in all duty and service, in all faith and tenderness, to live with [her/him], and cherish [her/him], according to the ordinance of God, in the holy bond of marriage?"
>
> Couple: "I, [name], take you, [name], to be my wedded [wife/husband], and I do promise and covenant, before God and these witnesses, to be your loving and faithful [husband/wife], in plenty and want, in joy and in sorrow, in sickness and in health, as long as we both shall live."
After the vows, the couple will exchange rings, and the minister may say the following prayer:
> By your blessing, O God, may these rings be for [name] and [name] symbols of unending love and faithfulness, and signs of the covenant they have made this day, through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.
>
> As each ring is given, the one giving the ring says: This ring I give you, as a sign of our constant faith and abiding love, in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit.
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Civil wedding vows
Legal Requirements
Under the Marriage Act 1949, all civil marriages in England and Wales, and marriages by an authorised person, must include the following:
> I do solemnly declare that I know not of any lawful impediment why I [name] may not be joined in matrimony to [name]. I call upon these persons here present to witness that I [name] do take thee [name] to be my lawfully wedded wife/husband.
Sample Vows
> I, [name], take you, [name], to be my wedded wife/husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part.
> I, [name], take you, [name], to be my wife/husband. I promise to be your honest, loving, and faithful partner for the rest of my days.
> I, [name], take you, [name], to be my wedded wife/husband. I promise to support and respect you, to be patient and gracious toward you, to work together with you as we strive to achieve our shared goals. I promise to accept you fully and unconditionally and to share my life with you from now until forever.
> I, [name], take you, [name], to be my wedded wife/husband. You make me laugh, you make me think, and above all, you make me happy.
Writing Your Own Vows
When writing your own civil wedding vows, you can include expressions of your love, promises to support each other, personal stories, and acknowledgements of the support you will need from friends and family. You can also incorporate religious elements if you wish. Your vows should be between one and two minutes long when read aloud.
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Jewish wedding vows
Unlike other religious ceremonies, Jewish weddings do not traditionally include a spoken exchange of wedding vows. Instead, the covenant is implicit in the ritual. However, modern couples have begun adding their own vows to their ceremonies, and rabbis have crafted marriage vows that can be incorporated.
The structure of Jewish wedding ceremonies varies within Orthodox, Conservative, and Reform Judaism, as well as among individual synagogues and rabbis. There are two main parts of the Jewish marriage program that represent the sealing of the marriage contract: the ring exchange and the Seven Blessings (Sheva Brachot). The Seven Blessings are recited in Hebrew and include:
> Blessed are You, Adonai, our God, Ruler of the universe, gladden the beloved companions as You gladdened Your creatures in the garden of Eden.
During the ring exchange, the groom typically says:
> Harei at mekudeshet li betaba’at zo k’dat Moshe v’Israel.
This translates to:
> Behold, thou art consecrated unto me with this ring according to the law of Moses and of Israel.
Another key element of Jewish weddings is the signing of the ketubah, a legal contract that historically protected the wife financially. The ketubah can be reimagined as a loving statement of mutual commitment to marriage, similar to wedding vows in other religions. The ketubah is usually signed privately before the wedding ceremony.
Couples wishing to customize their marriage ceremony with wedding vows should consult with their rabbi or officiant to craft a script for the wedding day. When writing their own vows, couples should include expressions of love, a commitment to be there for each other, personal anecdotes, concrete promises, and acknowledgments of the support they will need from friends and family.
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Buddhist wedding vows
A sample Buddhist wedding vow could be:
Officiant: " [Couple names], do you pledge to help each other to develop your hearts and minds, cultivating compassion, generosity, ethics, patience, enthusiasm, concentration, and wisdom as you age and undergo the various ups and downs of life and to transform them into the path of love, compassion, joy, and..."
Couple: "We do."
Zen Buddhist ceremonies, in particular, emphasise mindfulness and tranquillity, with the natural environment playing a key role in the setting. The core exercise in Zen Buddhism is seeing through illusion and seeking reality, and the ceremony may reflect this.
Ultimately, Buddhist wedding vows offer flexibility and independence to the couple, allowing them to determine how to best express their love and commitment to each other.
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Frequently asked questions
There is no single common religious wedding vow as it varies across religions and cultures. However, a popular traditional vow example includes the phrase: "I, [name], take thee, [name], to be my wedded wife/husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part."
No, you can choose to use traditional religious vows or a combination of both. It is common for couples to include religious readings, poetry, or extracts in their vows.
Here is an example of a traditional Episcopal wedding vow: " [Name], wilt thou have this woman/man to be thy wedded wife/husband to live together after God's ordinance in the Holy Estate of matrimony? Wilt thou love her/him? Comfort her/him, honor and keep her/him, in sickness and in health, and forsaking all others keep thee only unto her/him as long as you both shall live? In the name of God, I, [name], take you, [name], to be my wife/husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and health, to love and to cherish, until we are parted by death/ till death do us part."
No, not all religions include wedding vows in their ceremonies. For example, traditional Jewish and Greek and Eastern Orthodox weddings do not feature spoken vows.
When writing your own wedding vows, consider including expressions of love, personal stories, concrete promises, and acknowledgements of the support you will need from your partner and others. Vows should be between one and two minutes long when read aloud.
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