Deborah Chan
Wedding vows are promises exchanged between two people during a wedding ceremony. They can be structured or unstructured, traditional or personalised, and are usually written by the couple getting married. The process of writing wedding vows can be challenging, as individuals want to express their love and commitment to their partner in a meaningful and memorable way. This article will explore the different aspects of wedding vows, including their history, structure, and how to write them effectively. By the end, individuals will have the knowledge and inspiration to craft their own unique and heartfelt wedding vows.
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What You'll Learn
The history of wedding vows
The wedding vow, an integral part of Western weddings, has evolved over the years. While the format has changed, and some couples choose to write their own vows, the traditional wedding vow is still a popular choice for many.
The oldest traditional wedding vows can be traced back to the manuals of the medieval Catholic Church in England. The first Book of Common Prayer, published in 1549, included various marriage vow examples that inspired the traditional phrases many couples still use today. The Book of Common Prayer was assembled by Thomas Cranmer, Archbishop of Canterbury, and others. The book was based mainly on the Sarum Rite, or Sarum Ritual, a missal that contained the services, lessons, chants, and hymns used at Salisbury Cathedral. The Sarum Rite was popular throughout southern England, and it is believed that Cranmer chose to include it in the Book of Common Prayer because it was what Henry VIII was already familiar with.
The original wedding vows, as printed in the Book of Common Prayer, are as follows:
> Groom: I, [name], take thee, [name], to be my wedded wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part, according to God's holy ordinance; and thereto I plight thee my troth.
> Bride: I, [name], take thee, [name], to be my wedded husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love, cherish, and obey, till death us do part, according to God's holy ordinance; and thereto I give thee my troth.
In 1662, James I made a final revision to the Book of Common Prayer, and this version is still used by the Church of England today.
While the wedding vow has religious roots, it is not a legal necessity for marriage and is not used in all cultures. However, many couples choose to include them in their ceremonies for religious or sentimental reasons.
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How to write your own wedding vows
Writing your own wedding vows can be an exciting yet challenging task. Here is a comprehensive guide to help you create meaningful and personalised vows:
Brainstorming and Planning:
Start by gathering your thoughts and feelings about your partner and your relationship. You can make notes about specific moments, such as when you first met, or when you realised you were in love. Consider the unique qualities you admire about your partner and the shared values you hold dear. Think about your future together and the dreams and goals you intend to pursue as a couple.
Structure and Format:
You can structure your vows in three sections: an introduction, the vows or promises themselves, and a conclusion. The introduction can be a simple statement about who will speak first, usually the bride. The conclusion is an opportunity to express your deep affection and the significance of your partner in your life. When it comes to the vows, be sure to discuss your expectations with your partner, including the length, tone, and level of personal detail you both intend to include. Agreeing on these aspects will ensure your vows complement each other and create a cohesive ceremony.
Elements to Include:
Your vows should reflect your unique bond, so feel free to add personal touches, inside jokes, and stories that are meaningful to both of you. Injecting humour can make your vows uplifting, but be mindful to avoid anything that might be embarrassing or sensitive. Your promises can be both grand and simple, such as vowing to always support your partner or never stealing the covers! Don't forget to include traditional elements like pledging your commitment "for better or for worse, in sickness and in health." Finally, don't be afraid to say "I love you." It may seem obvious, but many couples leave these three words out of their vows.
Writing and Refining:
Writing your vows may take time, so don't expect to do it all in one sitting. Take breaks and revisit your drafts with fresh eyes. You can start with a brain dump and then highlight your favourite parts to include in your final copy. Remember, your vows don't have to be perfect; they should be authentic and true to who you are as a couple.
Additional Tips:
- If you're unsure where to begin, consider using a wedding vow template or drawing inspiration from books, movies, or other couples' vows.
- You can keep a running note on your phone to jot down ideas or phrases you want to include.
- Give your vows to someone you trust to get feedback and ensure they complement each other.
- Traditional wedding vows are usually very structured, but you can make them more interesting by including personal anecdotes and quirks.
- If you're writing non-traditional or personalised vows, you can book wedding vow services for guidance or learn to write them yourself for a more original approach.
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The declaration of intent
In some religious traditions, such as Eastern Orthodox, no vows are spoken during the ceremony. Instead, symbolic rituals are used in place of spoken vows. In other traditions, like Unitarian weddings, the vows may be more flexible and left to the minister to determine the exact wording.
Whether the couple chooses traditional or personalized vows, the declaration of intent is a significant moment in the wedding ceremony where they affirm their commitment to each other and express their love publicly.
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The structure of wedding vows
Wedding vows are a declaration of lifelong commitment to your partner, witnessed by your loved ones. They are an important reminder to your spouse that you will always be there for them. Wedding vows can be structured or unstructured, and written in any form desired by the couple.
If you are having a religious ceremony, you may not be able to personalise your vows. In most Eastern Orthodox traditions, no vows are spoken during the ceremony, and symbolic rituals are used instead. Unitarian wedding vows can be fairly flexible and left up to the minister to determine the exact wording.
If you want to write your own vows, you can consult an ordained minister, book wedding vow services, or learn to write them yourself. You can also look to examples, both real and fictional, for inspiration. You could consult friends, scour the internet, or watch marriage scenes from your favourite movies and TV shows.
When writing your own vows, it is recommended to write them in three sections: an introduction, the vows themselves, and a conclusion. The introduction should state who will be speaking first, the vows are the promises you plan to make, and the conclusion is a good way of letting your partner know how much they mean to you. You can also include a declaration of intent, where you take each other's hands and exchange the "I do's" or "I will's".
Your vows can be as long or as short as you like, and can be romantic, emotional, or humorous. They can include an affirmation and acknowledgment of your past, memories, a special quote or reference, and an acknowledgment of your friends and family.
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Examples of wedding vows
Wedding vows are promises exchanged between two people when they get married. They can be structured or unstructured, and written in any form desired by the couple. Here are some examples of wedding vows:
Traditional Vows
Traditional wedding vows are usually very structured and follow a common template:
> "I take thee, [name], as my lawful wedded spouse, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, in sickness and health, to love and cherish until death do us part."
Personalised Vows
Personalised vows can be more creative and infused with humour, literary references, or anecdotes. Here are some examples:
"I, Daniela, take you, Megan, to be my wife, my best friend, and partner. I will work to create a bond of honesty, respect, acceptance, and gratitude; one that withstands the tides of time and changes and grows along with us." — Daniela
"I call you 'My Megan' because you are my everything. You are my light, and you've shown me more love than I've ever known." — Ronnie
"I promise to never take you for granted and to love and cherish every single day that I have with you. [...] Together we will walk into the future side by side as partners, lovers, best friends, and as husband and wife."
"I promise to never go in for those terrible cliché jokes about 'the ol' ball and chain', because I will always see you as the one who frees me, and never as a prison. [...] I promise all of these things, from now until forever, because you should have nothing less than my best."
"You, with your cheeky grin, that cute crinkle at your eye when you smile, your dad joke sense of humour, and your serious attitude when it comes to doing something [...] I love all of your qualities and accept every part of you – just as you are."
"I, [name], take you, [name], to be my lawfully wedded [husband/wife], to have and to hold, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part."
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Frequently asked questions
Wedding vows are the promises two people make to each other during a wedding ceremony.
Your wedding vows should be about your partner and your relationship. You can include promises for the future, memories from the past, a special quote or reference that's meaningful to you both, and an acknowledgment of your friends and family.
First, consult your partner about your expectations and the structure of your vows. Then, start by jotting down all your thoughts about your partner and relationship. Pick out your favourite parts and use them in your final copy.
Your wedding vows should be concise and memorable. If they're longer than two minutes when practicing out loud, it's time to edit them down.
Yes, you can write your own wedding vows. However, if you're having a religious ceremony with a strict script, you may not be able to personalise your vows. In this case, you could do a separate, more intimate ceremony where you declare your own vows.
