The Ultimate Guide To Being The Best Man

Being the best man at a wedding is a huge honour and a big responsibility. The best man is the groom's right-hand man, confidant, and personal valet, supporting him throughout the planning process and on the big day itself.

The best man is usually a close friend or relative of the groom and is often tasked with planning the bachelor party, helping to choose the groomsmen's attire, delivering a speech at the reception, and keeping the wedding rings safe. He may also be asked to act as a witness when the couple signs the marriage license, decorate the getaway car, and help with the setup and logistics on the day.

The best man is also expected to be a model wedding guest, RSVPing on time, booking travel and accommodation in advance, and generally being on hand to help the groom with any problems or queries he may have.

Planning the bachelor party

Talk to the Groom:

The first step is to have a conversation with the groom and understand his preferences. Discuss the dos and don'ts, and any off-limits activities. While you can plan a surprise bash, it is advisable to at least inform the groom about the basic details like timing, location, and type of activities. Ask about his interests and preferences, and plan accordingly.

Finalize the Guest List:

Work with the groom to create a guest list, ensuring it includes his closest friends and family members. Traditionally, the best man and groomsmen are invited, but be open to the groom's suggestions, regardless of gender. It is also a good idea to get everyone's contact details and create a group chat to keep everyone informed and involved in the planning process.

Discuss the Budget:

With the guest list decided, discuss what each person can realistically contribute to the bachelor party expenses. Consider travel, accommodations, food, and activity costs. The groom's expenses are usually covered by the group, so factor that into the budget as well.

Pick a Theme or Party Style:

Figure out the overall vibe of the party. Will it be a relaxed weekend getaway, or a night of bar-hopping? Knowing the theme will help with venue selection and other details.

Choose a Date and Location:

Select a date and location that works for the groom and the majority of the guest list. The bachelor party is typically held one to three months before the wedding. Popular bachelor party destinations include Miami, Las Vegas, Austin, and Chicago.

Book Travel and Accommodations:

With the guest list and party style finalized, proceed to book travel and accommodations like flights and rental homes. Ensure you have everyone's confirmation before booking to avoid any last-minute changes.

Finalize Activities:

Book any remaining reservations, such as restaurants or events. Plan two to three group outings like chartering a boat, attending a sporting event, or going bowling. Remember to include some downtime in the itinerary as well.

Confirm Attendees and Share the Itinerary:

A few weeks before the party, confirm the guest list and share a detailed itinerary with the group. Include important details such as hotel information, arrival times, and contact info for everyone.

Pack and Travel:

Start packing and planning any decorations or party supplies you may need. As the host, plan to arrive earlier than the guests to handle any last-minute setup or preparations.

Celebrate and Regroup:

After the party, send a quick thank-you note to the group, expressing your appreciation for their presence and any travel involved. You can also follow up on any outstanding expenses.

Remember, the bachelor party is about celebrating the groom and his upcoming marriage, so ensure that he is involved and enjoys the activities planned.

Supporting the groom

Being the best man at a wedding is a huge honour, but it also comes with a lot of responsibility. The best man is the groom's right-hand man and is there to support the groom throughout the entire wedding planning process and on the big day itself. Here are some ways in which the best man can support the groom:

Planning and Preparation

The best man is often the leader of the pack and is in charge of coordinating the groomsmen and ensuring everyone is well-informed. This includes organising the bachelor party, which can be a fun but daunting task. The best man should consult with the groom about his wants and wishes, and then plan an event that aligns with those wishes. This could be a night out, a weekend away, or even just a games night. The best man should also be prepared to pay for their share of the bachelor party.

The best man should also help the groom and groomsmen choose their wedding attire. This may involve gathering measurements, giving the group an order-by deadline, or even placing the order. The best man may also be in charge of returning suits or getting them dry-cleaned after the wedding.

Emotional Support

The best man is there to provide emotional support to the groom and be a sounding board for any nerves or anxiety. They should also be prepared to help calm any pre-wedding jitters on the day.

On the Day

On the day of the wedding, the best man should help the groom get ready and be as hands-on as possible with any last-minute tasks. They should also ensure the groom arrives at the venue on time and greets the guests.

The best man is often responsible for keeping the wedding rings safe until they are needed during the ceremony. This is a huge responsibility and the best man should ensure they have a safe place to store the rings.

The Reception

The best man is often expected to give a speech during the reception. This should be a well-crafted speech that focuses on the couple and their love story, and can also include some light-hearted anecdotes about the groom. The best man may also be expected to be the first one on the dance floor after the couple's first dance, to encourage everyone to join in.

The best man should also be prepared to step in as the master of ceremonies if there isn't a designated person for this role. This may involve announcing key elements such as the couple's arrival, the speeches, and the cutting of the cake.

Post-Wedding

After the wedding, the best man may be asked to help with various tasks such as returning hired items, taking care of wedding gifts, and ensuring vendors are tipped and paid. They should also check in with the newlyweds after their honeymoon to offer congratulations.

Organising formalwear

Choosing the Formalwear

The first step is to help the groom choose the formalwear. You will need to assist him in rounding up the ushers and other important members of the wedding party to go and try on wedding suits. It's a good idea to discuss ideas with the couple about the style, and also decide whether the formalwear is to be bought or hired. Traditionally, the couple pays for the wedding suits or the cost of hiring them, but if financial contributions are required, make sure this is discussed openly and upfront.

Final Fittings

As the wedding gets closer, things can get hectic for the couple, so the best man can step in and keep an eye out for any last-minute suit fittings the groom or groomsmen might need.

Returning and Cleaning Suits

After the wedding, the best man could be asked to help out by rounding up and returning any hired items, such as suits and decorative details used at the venue. If the suits weren't hired, the best man may be tasked with taking them to be dry-cleaned—the sooner the better.

Accessories

Don't forget to organise accessories for the wedding party, such as cufflinks, pocket squares, ties, and shoes.

Giving a speech

Being the best man at a wedding is a tough honour, but it's also a role that comes with a number of important responsibilities. One of the most important tasks is giving an incredible wedding speech. The best man's speech traditionally follows the groom's speech and may or may not follow the maid of honour's toast. Here is a guide to help you deliver a memorable and engaging best man's speech.

Preparation

The key to a successful best man's speech is preparation. Start by jotting down ideas, anecdotes, and stories about the groom. Think about every story, no matter how insignificant it may seem, and write down everything that comes to mind. When did you first meet? What was their nickname at school? What have they gotten into trouble for? Any ridiculous hobbies or fashion trends they followed? Also, make sure to note down their redeeming qualities. Are they someone who'll help a stranger? Are they unflappably optimistic?

Once you have a list of ideas, it's time to structure your speech. A typical best man's speech should include the following:

• A brief introduction: Introduce yourself and set the tone with a light-hearted icebreaker or a well-chosen joke. This will warm up the guests and calm your nerves.
• Messages from afar: Read out messages from friends and family who couldn't attend the wedding. This adds a meaningful touch, and you can even throw in some funny, made-up messages to lighten the mood.
• Storytime: Share amusing anecdotes and stories about the groom. This is the key section of your speech, so feel free to exaggerate and be creative. You can also include childhood stories, memories from school or university, and any silly reasons they always ended up in detention.
• Words of wisdom: Offer some light-hearted yet sincere advice for the newlyweds. If you're not married, you can ask married friends or family members for tips on love, compromise, and everyday living.
• Praises for the partner: Take a moment to compliment the groom's partner. You can share a memory of when you knew they were destined to be together or reflect on their positive impact on the groom.
• Acknowledge the bridal party: Thank the bridesmaids for their role and their contribution to the wedding.
• The final toast: Conclude your speech by raising a glass to the couple and wishing them a happy future.

Delivery

Now that you have prepared your speech, it's time to focus on the delivery. Here are some tips to help you deliver your speech with confidence and engage your audience:

• Practice: Rehearse your speech aloud at least three times. Record yourself and watch the playback to improve your delivery. Send the recording to a friend for honest feedback.
• Gestures and body language: Use hand gestures while you speak to engage your audience visually. Practice open body language, and avoid putting your hands in your pockets or crossing your arms.
• Eye contact: Share eye contact evenly with the audience, so everyone feels included. Look left, right, and centre while reciting your speech.
• Pace and projection: Speak slowly and clearly, and project your voice so that everyone can hear you. Avoid using too many filler words, and vary your tone to make your speech more engaging.
• Confidence: Enthusiasm beats confidence. Remember that you are there to celebrate your friend's special day, so focus on sharing your happiness and enthusiasm with the audience.

Things to Avoid

There are a few things you should avoid when giving your best man's speech:

• Overly long speeches: Keep your speech concise and engaging. Aim for around seven minutes, which is long enough to include all the essential elements without losing the attention of your audience.
• Inside jokes: Avoid inside jokes or references that only a small part of the audience will understand. You want to include everyone in the room, so stick to stories and jokes that are universally relatable.
• Inappropriate humour: Raunchy jokes and innuendos are expected, but be mindful of children or older guests who may be present. Avoid offensive humour or jokes that might embarrass the groom or the couple.
• Drinking: While a drink may calm your nerves, avoid having too much. You don't want to slur your words or lose track of your speech.

Sample Outline

Below is a sample outline to help you structure your best man's speech:

• Introduction: "Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. For those who don't know me, I'm [your name], and it's an honour to stand here today as the best man. I've known [groom] for [number of years], and I can honestly say he's the best friend I've ever had."
• Messages from afar: "Unfortunately, [name] and [name] couldn't be here today, but they send their love and congratulations to the happy couple. They also wanted me to share a funny memory of [groom], which I'm sure many of you will remember…"
• Storytime: "I first met [groom] in [place you met]. He was [describe his personality and any funny stories from that time]. Over the years, we've shared countless adventures, and one of my favourite memories is [share a funny or heartwarming story]."
• Words of wisdom: "One thing I've learned from [groom] is to always [share a piece of advice you've learned from him]. It's a lesson that has stuck with me, and I'm sure it will serve him well in married life, too."
• Praises for the partner: "I want to take a moment to say a few words about [partner]. [Partner], you look absolutely stunning today, and I can see how happy you make [groom]. The way [groom] talks about you shows how much he loves and appreciates you. I wish you both all the best for the future."
• Acknowledge the bridal party: "I also want to thank the bridesmaids for all their hard work and dedication. You all look amazing, and I know [groom] and [partner] truly appreciate your support."
• The final toast: "So, let's raise a glass to the happy couple. [Groom] and [partner], may your love continue to grow and flourish. Cheers to a lifetime of love, laughter, and happiness!"

Witnessing the marriage

The best man has a crucial role to play in witnessing the marriage. In most cases, the best man and the maid of honour are the witnesses who sign the marriage license after the couple has exchanged their vows. This is a legal requirement, and the best man should be readily available for this task immediately after the ceremony. The best man should also be prepared and carry a backup pen in case of any last-minute mishaps.

In addition to signing the marriage license, the best man may also be responsible for delivering the officiant's payment after the ceremony. This task is usually assigned to the best man as the newlyweds tend to be busy celebrating with their guests.

Furthermore, the best man is often entrusted with keeping the wedding rings safe until the ring exchange during the ceremony. This duty symbolises the trust and responsibility bestowed upon the best man by the couple.

Finally, the best man's presence and support during the wedding ceremony are invaluable. The best man traditionally stands next to the groom during the ceremony, offering silent reassurance and a clear display of friendship and solidarity.

Frequently asked questions