Best Man's Speech: Paper In Hand Or Off-The-Cuff?

When it comes to giving a best man's speech, it is perfectly acceptable to read from paper or index cards. Having your speech written down can take the pressure off and act as a safety net if your nerves get the better of you. However, reading from a script can make you sound less engaged and it is harder to maintain eye contact with your audience. A good middle ground is to memorise key phrases and deliver them with confidence, referring to notes or prompt cards when needed.

Reading vs delivering

When it comes to giving a best man's speech, there are two schools of thought: reading from a written speech or delivering it from memory. While some people believe that reading a speech can make you appear less rehearsed and more spontaneous, others argue that it is perfectly acceptable to use paper or index cards to keep you on track. Ultimately, the goal is to deliver a speech that sounds like a polished conversation with the audience, not talking "at them" or reading in a monotone.

Reading from a written speech can be helpful if you have anxiety or nervousness about speaking in front of large groups. It can also ensure that you don't forget anything important that you want to say. However, it is important to be careful not to sound like you are reading straight from a piece of paper, as this can disengage the audience. Highlighting every other line or using bullet points can help with this, as well as making it easier to refer to your speech while still engaging with the audience.

On the other hand, delivering a speech from memory can make you appear more authentic and engaged. However, this approach requires a significant amount of preparation and practice, as mental blocks and forgetting parts of your speech are common issues. Additionally, trying to memorise a speech can make you sound stilted and cause you to lose inflection and tone.

Practising your delivery in advance is key to a successful speech, regardless of whether you choose to read or deliver from memory. This includes paying attention to your facial expressions, eye contact, posture, and hand gestures. It is also a good idea to practise in front of trusted friends or family members to get feedback on your performance.

Ultimately, the decision of whether to read or deliver your best man's speech comes down to personal preference and comfort level. Both approaches can be effective if executed well. However, it is important to remember that the audience wants to connect with what you are saying and engage with you as a speaker, so ensuring that your delivery is polished and confident is crucial.

Highlighting lines

If you're the best man at a wedding and you're nervous about giving a speech, it's perfectly acceptable to have your speech written down. It's a good idea to practice your delivery in advance, but if you're nervous, having your speech on paper in front of you can act as a security blanket.

If you're reading from paper, there are a few things you can do to make the process easier. Firstly, make sure your paper is easy to read with a legible font and line spacing of at least 1.5. You could also try highlighting every other line, which makes it harder to lose track of where you are on the page. If you're printing your speech, it's a good idea to do a test print to make sure the highlighting is legible. Light blue is a good choice of colour, as it stands out without overwhelming the text.

However, it's important to remember that reading a speech is different from delivering one. Guests want to connect with what you're saying, so make sure you're engaging with the audience and not just reading off the page. Try to memorise your opening and closing lines, and refer to notes or prompt cards for the rest of the speech. Look up from the page as much as possible and use hand gestures and facial expressions to deliver your speech with confidence and polish.

Memorising vs using notes

It is perfectly acceptable for a best man to read his speech from notes or cue cards. In fact, it is often advisable to have a physical copy of your speech as a backup, even if you plan to memorise most of it. Here are some considerations to help you decide between memorising your speech and using notes:

Memorising Your Speech:

• Confidence and Eye Contact: Delivering a speech from memory can make you appear more confident and comfortable. You will be able to maintain eye contact with the wedding party and guests, creating a more engaging and intimate atmosphere. This can be especially beneficial if you want to include humorous anecdotes or witty remarks, as good timing and delivery are essential for comedy.
• Flexibility and Adaptability: When you memorise your speech, you can more easily adapt to the flow of the wedding. If there are unexpected delays or changes in schedule, you won't be tied to your notes and can adjust your delivery accordingly.
• Practice and Preparation: Memorising a speech takes time and dedication. In the process, you will become very familiar with your material, which can help reduce pre-speech jitters and increase your overall confidence. However, it's important to be mindful of over-rehearsal, which may make your delivery seem stiff or unnatural.

Using Notes or Cue Cards:

• Prompts and Peace of Mind: Having your speech written down provides a safety net and can reduce the pressure of memorisation. With notes, you can relax, knowing that you have all your key points and stories at hand. This can be especially helpful if you are not a confident public speaker or if you are prone to nervousness.
• Details and Specifics: As a best man, you may want to include specific dates, quotes, or inside jokes in your speech. Notes ensure that you don't miss any important details and allow you to include more intricate information without the risk of forgetting.
• Engagement and Interaction: Reading from notes doesn't mean you can't be engaging. You can still make eye contact and connect with your audience by occasionally looking up from your notes and addressing individuals directly. Additionally, you can use your hands and body language to emphasise certain points, just as you would if you were reciting from memory.

Ultimately, the decision between memorising and using notes depends on your personal preference and comfort level. Both methods can result in a well-delivered, engaging speech. If in doubt, you can always prepare by memorising your key points and having cue cards as a backup. That way, you get the best of both worlds and can feel confident and prepared for your best man duties.

Practising beforehand

Start by standing in front of a mirror with your speech in hand. Pay attention to how often you look up from the paper and whether you feel comfortable with your facial expressions. As your confidence increases, practise in front of one or two trusted friends or family members. Ask them for feedback on how frequently you're looking at the paper, how often you're making eye contact, and whether your posture and hand gestures are appropriate.

If you're worried about losing your place on the page, try highlighting every other line or using a "remember-to" symbol, such as a yellow-highlighted asterisk, at evenly distributed points in your speech. This will remind you to stop, look up, and engage with your audience.

Remember, the goal is to deliver a speech that sounds like a polished conversation with the audience, not a monologue that's being read "at them." Practising beforehand will help you achieve this and ensure that your speech is well-received.

Eye contact

It's perfectly acceptable to read your best man's speech from paper or index cards. However, reading from a paper can make it challenging to make eye contact with your audience. Here are some tips on how to maintain eye contact while delivering your best man's speech:

Connect with your audience

Before you start speaking, scan the room and acknowledge your audience with a smile or a nod. Look at each person or section for about three to five seconds, and then move on. Making eye contact with your audience is a powerful way to establish rapport, build credibility, and create interest. It shows that you are attentive, respectful, and confident. It also helps you gauge your audience's reaction and feedback and adjust your delivery accordingly.

Be deliberate and inclusive

Making eye contact with a single person while making a point can change a passive listener into an engaged one. Pick one person, maintain eye contact for three to five seconds, and then find someone else in the audience. This helps you avoid making someone uncomfortable by feeling like they are being singled out.

Practice

Practicing your delivery in advance is essential. Stand in front of a mirror with the piece of paper in front of you and pay attention to how frequently you are looking up from the paper. As your confidence increases, practice in front of one or two trusted friends or family members and ask them for feedback.

Be natural

Making effective eye contact is about being natural, deliberate, and inclusive. When emphasising key points, transitions, and questions, use eye contact to draw attention. Don't spend too much time looking at your notes, slides, or the floor. If you need to glance at them, do it quickly and return to your audience.

Know when to break the rules

In some cultures, eye contact can be seen as offensive. For example, in Asian cultures, maintaining eye contact with a superior or elder can be seen as a sign of disrespect. If you sense that someone is uncomfortable, respectfully move on to another person in the audience who is open to connecting with you.

Frequently asked questions