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Chivalry is a code of behaviour that knights were expected to follow, including courtesy, honour, and valour. While the concept of chivalry is often associated with the treatment of women, it also encompasses broader notions of honour and virtue. Interestingly, one unique wedding tradition that involves elements of chivalry is the shivaree. Shivaree, also known as charivari, was a custom that originated in the 19th and early 20th centuries, particularly in Appalachian regions. It involved a community gathering outside the newlyweds' home, making noise with pots, pans, and even guns to wake the couple and celebrate their marriage. While it may seem like a chaotic interruption, shivaree was a way for the community to induct the couple into married life with a memorable and mischievous twist.
| Characteristics | Values |
|---|---|
| Time | Days, weeks, or months following the wedding |
| Participants | Family, friends, and the community |
| Purpose | Celebration, hazing, or voicing disapproval |
| Activities | Noisemaking, parading the couple, dunking/soaking them in water, pranks, singing/serenading, sharing food and drinks |
| Origin | 16th-century France, spread to England, Canada, Ireland, and the U.S. (especially Appalachia) |
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What You'll Learn
Chivaree, a wedding tradition
Chivaree, also known as shivaree, is a wedding tradition that was common in the 19th-century Midwest and continued into the first half of the 20th century. It is a noisy mock serenade performed by friends, family, and neighbours to celebrate a newly married couple. The tradition is believed to have originated in rural England and France and was brought to the United States by early settlers.
Chivaree involves a group of people gathering outside the newlyweds' home, often in the middle of the night, and making loud noises with pots, pans, horns, homemade instruments, and other noisemakers. The group may also sing songs, such as "Let Me Call You Sweetheart". In some cases, the groom might be kidnapped and left in a remote location until daybreak while the bride is left behind, wailing and calling for him.
The element of surprise is crucial to the tradition. Participants may try to separate the couple at the end of their wedding reception or during their honeymoon. The bride and groom are expected to invite the group into their home, where they offer treats and gifts. The noisemakers and songs are all part of a merry celebration, ensuring that the entire neighbourhood joins in the excitement.
While the American version of chivaree is lighthearted and fun, its European counterpart, known as "'charivari' in England and Canada, had a more ominous connotation. Charivari was used to enforce social norms and break up relationships that the community disapproved of. However, both traditions share the common element of noisemaking and disrupting the wedding night activities of the newly married couple.
Today, the tradition of chivaree has mostly died out, but it remains a unique and memorable part of wedding celebrations for those who continue to practise it.
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Appalachian customs
The Appalachian people have a rich cultural heritage born of hardship, practicality, and a certain poetic beauty that breeds the fierceness with which they live and love. Here are some unique customs and traditions surrounding weddings and courtship in Appalachia:
Courtship and Finding Love
In the Appalachian Mountains, small communities and difficult mountain travel meant that couples often married young and met close to home. Church played a significant role in courtship, and if a young man was seen walking a girl to or from church, they were considered "courtin'" ". Couples also met at barn dances, taffy-pulling events, or school. Due to the limited options, competition for a young lady's hand was fierce, and young men had to be creative and romantic in their courting rituals. One popular tradition involved playing the dulcimer, a stringed instrument, and singing songs to their beloved in front of family and the community. Courtship could last a few weeks to a few months before the man decided to propose.
Love Spoons and Quilts
Engagement rings were often unaffordable for Appalachian families, so alternative traditions emerged. One such tradition was the "love spoon," where the prospective groom would present his sweetheart with a hand-carved wooden spoon, demonstrating his skill and potential as a good provider. The intricate designs, such as Celtic knots, hearts, or wheels, signified his commitment to love and duty. The "double wedding ring quilt" tradition was another alternative to engagement rings. The ladies of the community would gather for a quilting bee and work together to create the quilt. Once completed, the single ladies would each hold a corner, place a cat in the middle, and shake the quilt. It was believed that the young lady beside whom the cat landed would be the next to marry.
Wedding Traditions
Appalachian weddings often included traditions from ancient cultures, such as the exchange of wedding rings on the left hand, believed to lead to the heart, and the wedding cake to encourage fertility. The tradition of carrying the bride over the threshold also has roots in ancient Roman beliefs about evil spirits. Additionally, the custom of the honeymoon dates back to the European tradition of newlyweds drinking honey for a full month.
The Chivaree
One of the most unique Appalachian wedding traditions is the chivaree, a custom from the 19th and early 20th centuries. After the wedding day festivities, the couple's friends and family would gather outside their house, singing, shouting, setting off firecrackers, and making a ruckus. The groom would be placed on a wooden rail and ridden around the yard, while the bride might be plunged into a tub of cold water and carried behind him. This good-natured mischief was a way for the community to celebrate the newlyweds with laughter and joy.
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The role of the community
The community plays a central role in the tradition of chivalry, or "shivaree", after a wedding. Shivaree is a raucous and fun-loving way to celebrate a newly married couple, usually taking place shortly after the wedding but sometimes even months later. The element of surprise is key, with family and friends gathering after midnight, often with shotguns, pots, pans, and other noise-making devices. The community begins making a lot of noise, sometimes with rifle fire, to wake up the newlyweds and scare them. The bride and groom are then subjected to various mischievous activities, such as being paraded through town, dunked in water, or having their house broken into.
The community's involvement doesn't end there. They also participate in serenading the couple with songs and joining them for snacks and desserts, often provided by the newlyweds. In some cases, the crowd could be convinced to disperse if the couple bribed them. While shivaree may seem like a disruptive tradition, it was viewed as an important first test for the couple to tackle together, marking their initiation into the community of married couples.
The roots of shivaree can be traced back to the 19th and early 20th centuries in the Appalachian region, with similar practices in England, Canada, and Europe. It was originally known as "charivari" in England and Canada, and it was used to voice the community's disapproval of certain relationships. If a community disapproved of a large age gap between spouses or if a widow remarried too soon, they would engage in noisemaking and shaming activities to disrupt the couple.
While the specific activities of shivaree varied based on the community, it always involved the active participation and presence of the community. They would gather in large numbers, sometimes entire families, to create a loud and frightening celebration for the newlyweds. The community's role was to surprise, scare, and celebrate with the couple, often in a mischievous and playful manner.
Today, the tradition of shivaree is no longer commonly practiced. However, it serves as a reminder of the role communities played in the past, especially in the Appalachian region, in welcoming newlyweds and initiating them into the community of married couples through a unique and memorable experience.
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Charivari in England and Canada
Charivari, alternatively spelled shivaree or chivaree, and also called a skimmington, is a European and North American folk custom designed to shame a member of the community. It involves a mock parade staged through the settlement accompanied by a discordant mock serenade, with the crowd aiming to make as much noise as possible by beating on pots and pans or anything that comes to hand. These parades are referred to as "rough music".
In England, the practice of charivari was used to shame women who beat their husbands and to attack local brothels during Lent. Male rivals were also victims of charivari, as in the case of a young man who was confronted by all the male youths in the German community of Burglen in 1590. The youths used loud music and insults against the man, as he was seen as a threat to their marriage prospects. Another form of charivari in England was "stang riding", where a long pole was carried on the shoulders of two men, with an object or a person mounted between them. In the South, the term skimmington, or skimmington ride, was used to refer to a type of large wooden ladle with which a wife might beat her husband.
In Canada, charivari has occurred in Ontario, Quebec, and the Atlantic provinces, brought by early French colonists to their settlements in Quebec and spreading to English-speaking areas of Lower Canada. The term "chivaree" became common in Ontario. Charivari was not always used as an expression of disapproval in Canada; instead, it was also used as a form of social coercion, for instance, to force an unmarried couple to wed.
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Chivalry in the modern day
Chivalry is a word that evokes ideas of knights, honour, and courtly love. In the modern day, chivalry may have evolved, but the core principles of respect, kindness, and consideration remain the same.
In the context of a relationship, chivalry can manifest in various ways. Firstly, it involves treating your partner with love, care, support, and appreciation regularly. This includes small gestures like sending a quick text during the day to show you care, or helping with day-to-day tasks like starting the laundry or making a cup of tea. It's also about being present and emotionally available for your partner, asking how their day was, and being excited for their successes and supportive during challenging times.
Another aspect of modern chivalry is respecting your partner's privacy and boundaries. This means keeping the details of your relationship private and working through disagreements together, rather than airing your grievances publicly or online. It's about putting your partner first and considering their wants and needs, like letting them choose the next movie or show to watch, or allowing them to nap after a busy week.
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Frequently asked questions
A chivalry, also known as a shivaree, is a community party forced upon a newly married couple a short time after their wedding. It involves family and friends gathering after midnight with shotguns, pots, pans, and other noise-making devices to wake up the couple and scare them.
The name was probably derived from the French word "charivarie", which means "a mock serenade for newlyweds".
The tradition of shivaree started in the 19th century and early 20th century in Appalachian and Midwest communities.
Some activities include shooting guns, banging on pots and pans, blindfolding and kidnapping the groom, parading the couple around town, and dunking them in water.
