Our Wedding: Traditions We're Breaking

what I will not do at our wedding

Planning a wedding can be stressful, especially when you don't enjoy the process. Complex family dynamics, financial constraints, and time limitations can all impact the lead-up to your wedding and the big day itself. While it's important to manage your budget and timeline, it's also crucial to remember that there are no rules when planning your wedding—it's your day. This includes not inviting family members if their presence would cause distress and having a small guest list if that's what you and your partner prefer. You might also choose to forego certain traditions, like a bachelorette party or bridal shower, to reduce stress and focus on what matters most to you. Ultimately, your wedding day is about celebrating your love and commitment with your nearest and dearest, so it's essential to prepare and be mindful of your guests' enjoyment, but also to remember that perfection is unattainable and not the goal.

Characteristics Values
Family dynamics Complex family dynamics can cause stress during wedding planning
Traditions Not necessary to follow old traditions, such as having a parent walk you down the aisle
Planning Wedding planning can be stressful and not enjoyable for everyone
Bachelorette party Not necessary to have a bachelorette party or bridal shower
Guest list It's okay to decline an invitation due to budget constraints or not knowing the couple well
Attendance It's okay to not attend if you don't support the marriage, but consider having a conversation with your friend first
Perfection Nothing will be perfect, and the wedding day doesn't have to be the best day of your life
Guest entertainment Provide entertainment for guests, such as photobooths or table games, to prevent boredom
Transportation Don't forget to arrange end-of-night transportation for yourself and your guests

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I won't be pressured by family expectations

It's your wedding day, and you should be able to celebrate it your way. Family dynamics can be complex, and it's important to remember that you don't have to conform to traditional expectations. If you don't have a strong relationship with your parents or have lost a parent, it's okay to feel sad, but don't let that take away from your happiness. Your wedding is about you and your partner, not outdated traditions.

If you don't want to invite your family, that's your choice. It's perfectly valid to want to avoid family drama on your special day. You can choose to have a small, intimate wedding with only a few close friends and family members present. Or, like one couple, you could opt for a destination wedding with no wedding party. This can be a great way to minimise family involvement while still celebrating with your community.

If you have a difficult relationship with your family, it's essential to set boundaries and prioritise your well-being. Therapy can be a helpful tool to process these emotions and ensure you're in a good place before the wedding. Remember, your wedding day is just one day, and it won't define your future. It's more important to focus on your happiness and the people who love and support you.

Don't let family pressures and expectations take away from your joy. This is your day to celebrate with your partner, so make sure you're true to yourself and plan a wedding that reflects your values and desires. It's okay to decline family input or decline their presence if that's what you and your partner want. Ultimately, you and your partner are the most important people at your wedding, and your wishes should come first.

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I won't get bogged down in planning

Planning a wedding can be stressful, and it's okay if you don't enjoy it. Here are some ways to avoid getting bogged down in the planning process:

Focus on What You're Excited About

Write down the aspects of your wedding that you're enthusiastic about, whether it's the music, specialty cocktails, or anything else. Prioritize these items on your to-do list and tackle them first to boost your excitement and motivation.

Delegate Tasks

Recognize that you don't have to do everything yourself. Identify the tasks you find enjoyable and make those your priority, then delegate the remaining tasks to others. You can also consider hiring a wedding planner to handle some or all of the planning if it's within your budget.

Take Breaks

Make time for activities unrelated to wedding planning. Schedule alone time to go for walks, read, or engage in hobbies. Also, set aside time with your partner where you don't discuss wedding plans. This will help you maintain a healthy balance and avoid feeling overwhelmed.

Simplify the Planning

Opt for an "on-site" wedding venue, such as a hotel or restaurant, which will simplify the planning process. These venues typically offer catering, basic amenities like chairs and tables, and may even provide an on-site coordinator to assist you.

Manage Expectations

Your wedding day doesn't have to be the "best day of your life," and it doesn't define your future. Focus on the people who love you and the reason you're getting married. It's okay to feel losses or sadness, but try to focus on the positive aspects of this special occasion.

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I won't invite people to please others

It's your wedding day, and you want to be surrounded by the people who matter to you. This is a day to celebrate with your nearest and dearest, and you shouldn't feel pressured to invite people to please others.

If you have complex family dynamics, it's okay to set boundaries. Perhaps you don't have a good relationship with your parents or extended family, or maybe there are other issues at play. You don't have to invite people just because they are family. It's perfectly valid to want to avoid any potential drama or stress on your big day.

Similarly, you might have friends or acquaintances who expect an invitation, but with whom you are no longer close. It's important to remember that you don't owe anyone an invitation, and you shouldn't feel guilty about not inviting them. If you feel like your invite would only be to "pad out" the guest list, then it's perfectly fine to decline to send one.

You might also have guests who are unable to attend due to various reasons, such as financial constraints or prior commitments. While it's polite to send an invitation, you shouldn't feel obliged to invite people if you know they are unlikely to attend.

At the end of the day, your wedding is about you and your partner. It's a celebration of your love, and you should be surrounded by people who support and care for you. Don't feel pressured to invite people to please others; focus on creating a guest list that feels right for you.

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I won't forget to enjoy the day

It's easy to get caught up in the stress of wedding planning, family dynamics, and the expectations of what a bride should be. But remember, your wedding day is about you and your partner, so don't forget to savour the moment and enjoy your special day.

Take a few moments for yourself throughout the day. The day will fly by, and you'll want to relive those precious moments. Take even just 5 minutes every hour to be alone or with your partner. It will help you collect your thoughts and be more present throughout the day.

Be mindful and stay grounded. It's normal not to remember every detail of your wedding day, and you might find yourself forgetting parts of it. Don't feel guilty if this happens; instead, focus on being in the moment and enjoying it to the fullest. The photos, videos, and stories from your guests will help fill in the blanks later.

Delegate tasks and don't stress over the small things. Accept help from your wedding party, family, or a wedding planner to ensure everything runs smoothly. Remember, the most important thing is that you and your partner are there to get married. Everything else is secondary, and minor details won't matter as much as you think they will.

Remember to eat and take care of yourself. The adrenaline and excitement might make you forget to eat or cause you to overindulge in drinks, which can lead to fuzzy memories. Pack snacks, stay hydrated, and ensure you have a nutritious meal to keep your energy and spirits up throughout the day.

Focus on what matters. If you don't have strong relationships with your family or are dealing with a loss, it's okay to feel sad. However, try to shift your focus to the positive aspects of your wedding day. Celebrate the people who love you and the reason you're getting married. Your wedding day is about the love between you and your partner, so savour every moment of it.

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I won't worry about post-wedding traditions

I also won't be getting carried over the threshold of our new home or honeymoon destination. I can walk myself over that threshold, thank you very much. I won't be doing the Vidai or grihapravesh ceremony, where the bride says an emotional goodbye to her family and then enters her new home by knocking over a pot of rice with her right foot. I won't be pushed in a car by my brothers and cousins to symbolise their help in starting my new life.

I won't be sawing a log in half with my new husband to prove our ability to work together, and I won't be cleaning up piles of smashed porcelain dishes to ward off evil spirits. I won't be going back to my parents' house three days after the wedding with my new husband, where he'll present them with a roast suckling pig to symbolise my virginity.

I won't be doing the Mooh Dikhai ceremony, where the bride's face is unveiled and she's showered with gifts to introduce her to the groom's family. I won't be doing the Pag Phera ceremony, where the bride stays with her in-laws for three days and then the groom comes to collect her and seek blessings from her parents. I won't be doing the Mehendi ceremony, where henna is applied to my hands and feet, although I might do this one just for fun.

I won't be doing any post-wedding traditions that don't feel authentic to me and my partner. I'll be focusing on what matters: our love and commitment to each other, and the people who support us.

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Frequently asked questions

It's your wedding, so it's up to you who you invite. If you have a difficult relationship with certain family members, it's okay to not invite them. Focus on the people who love and support you.

Wedding planning can be stressful, especially if you have complex family dynamics or don't enjoy planning in general. Consider hiring a wedding planner to help you with the process. Remember, your wedding day is about you and your partner, not about old traditions or other people's expectations.

It's okay to decline a wedding invitation, especially if it's a financial burden or you don't know the couple well. Send a polite and heartfelt message expressing your regrets and wishing them well. You can also send a card and a small gift to show your support.

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