Catholic Wedding Prep: Counseling Insights

Catholic wedding counselling, also known as Pre-Cana, is a course or consultation for couples preparing for a Catholic marriage. The name is derived from the wedding feast at Cana in Galilee, where Jesus performed the miracle of turning water into wine. Approaches to Pre-Cana vary, but often involve six-month sessions led by a priest or deacon with support from a married Catholic couple. The course covers topics such as conflict resolution, intimacy, marriage as a sacrament, and Christian views on marriage. The goal is to help couples discuss issues that may not have come up while they were dating, such as finances, family backgrounds, and gender roles, and to provide strategies for navigating tough times.

Conflict resolution skills

Conflict resolution is a crucial aspect of any healthy relationship, and it's no different for couples seeking Catholic wedding counselling. Here are some detailed instructions on conflict resolution skills, specifically tailored for those preparing for a Catholic marriage:

Express Yourself Directly:

Be open and honest about your feelings and thoughts. When something bothers you, initiate a discussion by expressing care for your partner and your relationship. For example, say, "I care about our relationship and know you don't mean to upset me." Then, clearly describe the behaviour that's upsetting you and how it makes you feel. End by asking for a specific change and an agreement: "I'd like you to speak to me in a quieter tone. Are you willing to agree to that?"

Avoid the Blame Game:

Instead of blaming your partner, use "I feel" statements to express your emotions without putting them down. For instance, say, "I feel angry when I'm alone and you're out with your friends." This keeps the focus on the issue and honours your partner's feelings. It encourages better communication and results by preventing your partner from feeling attacked and forced to defend themselves.

One Argument at a Time:

Stick to one topic at a time to effectively resolve conflicts. Jumping between issues will only lead to confusion and a lack of resolution. Show patience and understanding, giving each issue the attention it deserves before moving on. This approach increases the chances of finding a solution that works for both of you.

Healthy Communication:

Active listening, eye contact, and giving your partner your undivided attention are key. Use "I" statements to express your feelings without blaming. Be willing to admit when you're wrong, and maintain respectful body language. This creates a safe and open environment for both parties to express themselves, fostering harmony in your relationship.

Open-Mindedness:

During disagreements, try to set your ego aside and remain objective. Consider your partner's perspective without bias to promote understanding and acceptance. This approach opens the door for reasonable discussions and strengthens your ability to handle life's challenges together.

Don't Sweat the Small Stuff:

Not everything is worth arguing about. Learn to let go of minor annoyances and accept imperfections in your relationship. Develop compassion for your partner, and practice patience. This will help you maintain perspective and prevent small issues from escalating into bigger problems.

Assume Good Intentions:

Before jumping to negative conclusions about your partner's behaviour, take a step back and ask yourself if there might be another explanation. For example, they might be tired or simply didn't notice something that upset you. Communicate openly and give them the benefit of the doubt to promote a positive and trusting relationship.

Remember, these skills are tools to enhance your relationship and create a safe space for both individuals to express themselves. They are not a one-size-fits-all solution, and you may need to adapt them to fit your unique dynamic as a couple.

Additionally, seeking professional help from a Catholic counsellor or therapist can provide valuable guidance in navigating the challenges of married life and strengthening your conflict resolution skills.

Theology of the Body

Through this theological lens, couples come to understand their distinct missions as men and women, embracing the beauty and complementarity of their differences. They also delve into the significance of their sexuality and the fruitfulness of their love. This journey of discovery leads them towards a deeper appreciation of the Sacrament of Matrimony, which St. John Paul II referred to as the "primordial" sacrament.

The Sacramentality of Marriage is a key theme within the broader Theology of the Body. This theology sheds light on the meaning of Christ's words and actions, particularly in relation to the Book of Genesis and the Sermon on the Mount. It explores concepts such as original solitude, original unity, original nakedness, and the dimension of gift. Additionally, it provides insights into the "Language of the Body" and its connection to liturgy.

Christian views on marriage

Christians believe that marriage is a symbol of God's love for his bride, the church. Marriage is a public demonstration of love and lifelong commitment between two people. In the Christian faith, marriage is a divinely blessed, lifelong, monogamous union between a man and a woman.

The Christian marriage ceremony is rich in symbolism. The bride and groom make promises to God and each other, exchange rings, and commit to staying together through good and bad times. It is a commitment for life.

The Bible describes marriage as a "solemn and public covenant between a man and a woman in the presence of God," intended for their mutual joy, comfort, and procreation. Marriage is also seen as a sacred institution or "holy ordinance" of God.

However, views on marriage have varied over time and among Christian denominations. For example, while some Christians support same-sex marriage, others believe that marriage can only be between a man and a woman.

Marriage is not for everyone. The Bible describes singleness as a 'gift', and Jesus himself did not marry.

In preparation for a Catholic wedding, couples often undergo Pre-Cana, a course or consultation led by a priest or deacon with support from a married Catholic couple. Topics covered include conflict resolution, intimacy, marriage as a sacrament, and Christian views on marriage.

Marriage preparation programs

One example of a marriage preparation program is Pre-Cana, which is a course or consultation for couples preparing to marry in the Catholic Church. Pre-Cana sessions are often led by a priest or deacon with support from a married Catholic couple and can last up to six months. The United States Conference of Catholic Bishops considers topics such as conflict resolution skills and intimacy/cohabitation as "must-have conversations" for couples before marriage. Other topics covered in Pre-Cana may include marriage as a sacrament, the Theology of the Body, and Christian views on marriage.

There are also many other marriage preparation programs offered by different organizations and dioceses. For instance, the Agape Catholic Marriage Prep Program is an online, interactive, and mentor-led Pre-Cana program based on Pope John Paul II's Theology of the Body. The Catholic Engaged Encounter offers a weekend retreat for engaged couples to dialogue intensively about their prospective lives together and hear from married couples. The For Better and For Ever program takes a "sponsor couple" approach, where trained married couples meet with the engaged couple in their homes or via Zoom for a series of 4-6 meetings before and after the wedding.

The Catholic Church encourages couples to invest time and energy into marriage preparation programs to lay the foundation for a strong and lasting marriage. These programs provide engaged couples with the knowledge, skills, and formation they need to have a happy, holy, and lifelong union.

Natural Family Planning (NFP)

There are several methods of NFP, including the cervical fluid-only or ovulation methods, which are probably the most widely used. These methods work well for women who prefer to focus on one sign. Another method is the sympto-thermal method, which charts multiple signs, typically mucus, basal body temperature, and the position of the cervix. This method is suitable for women who like the confirmation of more than one sign.

NFP is entirely moral and aligns with Catholic Church teachings. It respects God's design for married love, human sexuality, and the dignity of the human person within the context of marriage and family life. NFP values children as the natural end of both sexuality and marriage, even when couples have serious reasons for avoiding pregnancy.

There are numerous benefits to using NFP. It fosters mutual respect, acceptance, and responsibility between spouses, promoting couple communication and intimacy. NFP is also economical, effective, and safe for both the woman and her unborn or nursing child. Additionally, it can be used to evaluate a woman's health and identify issues such as infertility, PCOS, or cancer.

NFP differs from artificial contraceptives as it does not actively change the sexual act to render it unfruitful. Instead, it identifies times when intimacy should be avoided for serious reasons. NFP works with a couple's fertility rather than against it, promoting openness to life and respecting the love-giving and life-giving natures of marriage.

Frequently asked questions