Wedding No-Shows: What Happens?

If you don't RSVP to a wedding, you're likely to miss out on the big day. While it may seem like a minor oversight, your absence will affect the couple's plans in several ways. Firstly, they won't be able to finalise the table plan and ensure your seat at the celebration. Secondly, the couple needs an accurate headcount for catering purposes, and your non-response may result in a lack of food or beverages for unexpected guests. It's essential to understand that your RSVP helps the couple with their wedding logistics and budget, especially since they may have already sent multiple reminders via email, text, or phone calls. So, if you don't want to miss out on the fun and cause unnecessary stress for the couple, be sure to respond to that wedding invitation promptly!

It's important to get RSVPs for budgeting and planning purposes

Caterers need to know the final headcount in advance of the wedding, so it's important to set an RSVP deadline that gives you enough time to chase any non-responders and confirm numbers with your vendors. Typically, caterers will need the final headcount anywhere between two days and two weeks before the wedding, so it's a good idea to set your RSVP deadline for about two weeks before this date. This gives you a grace period to get in touch with anyone who hasn't replied and find out whether they're coming.

It's also worth bearing in mind that some guests may need extra time to work out whether they can attend. They may need to organise time off work, arrange childcare, or budget for travel, accommodation, and a new outfit. By giving your guests plenty of time to RSVP, you're more likely to get an accurate idea of numbers.

If your RSVP deadline has passed and you still haven't heard from some guests, it's a good idea to send a polite reminder via email or text. You could also try calling them or even meeting them in person if it's someone very important who you really want to be there. If you still don't get a response, it's probably safe to assume they aren't coming.

It's also worth remembering that it's not always possible to accommodate guests who haven't RSVP'd. If you've already confirmed numbers with your vendors, you may not be able to add extra guests at the last minute. In this case, it's important to be firm and let the non-responders know that, unfortunately, they can no longer be included.

You can politely remind guests to RSVP via email, text, phone call, or in person

It's important to get an accurate headcount for your wedding to streamline the planning process. If your guests haven't responded by your deadline, it's time to send out polite reminders. Here are some tips on how to politely remind your guests to RSVP via email, text, phone call, or in person:

Email Reminders

Send a friendly email to your guests, reminding them that the RSVP deadline is approaching. Make sure to BCC each person to avoid any embarrassment. Here's an example of what you could write:

> "Hi, [guest name]! The wedding is coming up soon, and [partner] and I are so excited! This is just a friendly reminder that the RSVP deadline is [date]. We would love for you to be a part of our special day. If you could let us know by that date whether you're able to make it, that would be fantastic. Don't worry if you can't attend; we just need to confirm numbers with our caterer. If you've misplaced your RSVP card, feel free to respond to this email or give me a call!"

Text Reminders

If your RSVP deadline is approaching and you still haven't received responses from some guests, send them a quick text reminder. Here's an idea of what you could say:

> "Hi [guest name]! Just a quick reminder about our upcoming wedding. We would love for you to be there and would appreciate it if you could RSVP by [date]. We're finalising numbers, so if you could let us know either way, that would be a great help. Thanks!"

Phone Call Reminders

If the RSVP deadline has passed and you're still waiting on some responses, it's time to pick up the phone and call your guests. This personal approach can be more effective than a text or email. Start with a friendly greeting, and then let them know you're calling to confirm their attendance. Here's a suggestion for what to say:

> "Hi [guest name], it's [your name]! I hope you're doing well. I'm just calling to finalise the guest list for the wedding, and I wanted to confirm if you're able to make it. We're finalising numbers with the caterer, so I would really appreciate a response as soon as possible. We would love to have you there, but no worries if you can't make it."

In-Person Reminders

If you're still unable to get a response from some guests, you could try meeting them in person as a last resort. This may be practical for close family members or friends who you know will be at a certain place at a certain time. Be sure to approach this in a calm and polite manner, and let them know that you understand if they can't attend but that you need to finalise numbers. Here's an example of what you could say:

> "Hi [guest name], I know I've been trying to reach you, and I just wanted to ask in person if you're able to make it to the wedding. We're finalising the guest list, and I need to confirm numbers with the caterer. It's completely fine if you can't attend, but I would really appreciate a response by the end of today so I can let the caterer know."

Remember to give your guests enough time to respond and consider sending out RSVP cards with the invitations. You can also add the deadline to your wedding website for added visibility. It's normal to have to chase down some guests for their responses, so stay polite and calm throughout the process, and don't take it personally if you don't receive a response.

If you don't hear back, it's safe to assume they aren't coming

If you've tried everything and you still haven't heard back from your wedding guests, it's probably safe to assume they aren't coming. This is a common issue for couples planning their wedding, and it's important to remember that this is not a reflection of you or your relationship with the guest. There are many reasons why people don't RSVP, and it's often not personal.

So, what can you do when you've sent out invitations, reminders, and even tried to get in touch with guests, but still haven't heard back? Here are some tips to help you handle the situation:

Set a Clear RSVP Deadline

Firstly, make sure you've given your guests plenty of time to RSVP. It's recommended that you send out invitations around six to twelve weeks before the wedding, with an RSVP deadline about two weeks before the actual cut-off date that you need to provide final numbers to your vendors. This gives you a grace period to get in touch with anyone who hasn't replied yet.

Send Reminders

If your RSVP deadline is approaching and you still haven't heard from some guests, it's time to send a gentle reminder. You can do this via email or text, and it's a good idea to send it about a week before the deadline. Here's an example of what you could say:

> Hi [guest name]! The wedding is coming up, and [partner] and I are so excited! This is just a quick reminder that I need your RSVP by [date]. Don't worry if you can't attend—I just need to confirm numbers with the caterer. If you've lost your RSVP card, no problem! Just drop me a quick message or give me a call!

Try Getting in Touch Directly

If the RSVP deadline has passed and you still haven't received responses from some guests, try giving them a call. They may have seen your email or text but haven't had the chance to reply. Calling shows that you're serious about needing their response. If they don't answer, leave a voicemail politely letting them know that if you don't hear from them within a certain timeframe, you'll assume they can't attend.

Meet in Person (as a Last Resort)

If there are still some guests who haven't responded and they are very important to you, consider meeting them in person. This may be necessary for close family members or friends. Let them know that you need to confirm numbers and ask if they plan to attend.

Assume No Response Means They Aren't Coming

If you've tried all of the above and it's been more than a week after the RSVP deadline, it's safe to assume that guests who haven't responded aren't coming. At this point, you can send them a final message letting them know that since you haven't heard from them, you're assuming they can't make it. Here's an example:

> Hi there [name], I hope you’re well. I wanted to let you know that since the RSVP deadline has passed and I haven't heard from you, I'm assuming you can't make it to our wedding. If you are planning to come, please let me know by the end of today. No worries if you can't make it! We hope we can celebrate with you at a later time!

Remember, it's important to finalise numbers for your vendors, especially catering, so you need to have a clear idea of how many guests are attending. There may be a chance that some people who didn't RSVP will turn up, so it's a good idea to have a few extra chairs just in case. However, if your caterer can't accommodate them, that's not your fault!

Planning a wedding can be stressful, but try to stay calm and polite throughout this process. Most importantly, don't let this ruin your big day!

You can add a few extra chairs and meals as a buffer for unexpected guests

It is inevitable that some guests will not RSVP to your wedding. This could be because they forgot, they're unsure if they can attend, or they simply can't be bothered to respond. It's important to find out whether they are coming or not, as this will affect your table plan and the number of meals you need. To avoid this situation, you can try to get in touch with them via email, text, or phone. If you still can't get a response, you may need to meet them in person. If all else fails, it's safe to assume they aren't coming if you haven't heard from them by the RSVP deadline.

To prepare for unexpected guests, it is recommended to add a buffer of 10% to your guest list. This means adding a few extra chairs and meals to accommodate any additional people who may show up. This is a safe precaution to ensure that everyone has a seat and enough food to eat. It's better to have a few extras than to be caught off guard on your big day.

When creating your seating chart, avoid detailed seating arrangements. Instead, opt for general groupings of seats. For example, assign a certain number of seats for your college friends and another section for your relatives. This way, if an unexpected guest arrives, they can sit with their respective group without disrupting the entire seating arrangement.

Inform your wedding coordinator or receptionist about your unconfirmed guests. They can help conceal the situation and ensure these guests don't feel left out. Ask the unexpected guest about their relation to the couple, and then quickly inform the bride, groom, or family members about their presence. You can then decide where the guest should be seated and lead them to their seat.

It's also a good idea to let your caterer know immediately if there are unexpected guests. Professional caterers usually prepare for this and will have some extra food. However, they need a heads-up to portion the food appropriately. Remember, it's important to stay polite and calm, and don't make a big deal out of unexpected guests. Handle the situation with grace and try to roll with any surprises that come your way.

It's not rude to tell guests who didn't RSVP that they can't attend

It is not uncommon for invitees to not respond to wedding invitations. It is therefore important to give your guests plenty of time to RSVP, as they may need to organise their budget, book time off work, or arrange childcare. It is also a good idea to send out a reminder before the RSVP deadline. This can be done via email or text, and it is a good opportunity to gently nudge late responders into action.

If you still haven't heard from some guests by the RSVP deadline, try getting in touch with them by phone. If they still don't respond, you could consider meeting them in person if they are very important to you. However, if you can't get hold of them, it is probably fair to assume they aren't coming. You could send them a final text message along the lines of:

> "Hi there [name], I hope you're well. I'm just letting you know that since the RSVP deadline was last week and I haven't heard from you, I'm assuming you can't make it to our wedding. If you are planning to come, please let me know by the end of today. If not, no worries. Take care!"

If you still haven't heard from them, it is time to be decisive and stand your ground. You are within your rights to turn them away if they try to RSVP at the last minute.

Frequently asked questions