Catholic Wedding Prep: Counseling Topics

Catholic wedding counselling, also known as Pre-Cana, is a course or consultation for couples preparing to marry in the Catholic Church. The name is derived from the wedding feast at Cana in Galilee, as described in the Bible, where Jesus performed the miracle of turning water into wine. Approaches to Pre-Cana vary among Catholic dioceses and parishes, but often involve six-month sessions led by a priest or deacon with support from a married Catholic couple. The goal of these sessions is to help couples discuss issues that may not have come up while they were dating, such as finances, family backgrounds, conflict resolution, and gender roles.

Understanding the challenges of married life

A major challenge for many couples is simply finding the time to connect and foster their relationship amidst the busyness of everyday life. Work, children, and other responsibilities can easily take over, leaving spouses feeling disconnected and longing for the spark of their early days. It is important to prioritise date nights, meaningful conversations, and shared experiences to keep the relationship alive and exciting.

Another common challenge is effective communication. Couples may struggle with resolving conflicts, expressing their needs, or simply communicating their day-to-day thoughts and feelings. Learning active listening, understanding each other's love languages, and developing conflict resolution skills are vital for a healthy marriage.

Financial planning and managing finances as a couple is also a significant aspect of married life that can be a source of stress. Discussing financial goals, creating budgets, and making joint financial decisions are important skills to develop.

For interfaith couples, navigating different faith traditions can be a unique challenge. Exploring each other's faith backgrounds and finding common ground or a mutual understanding is essential for a harmonious relationship.

Lastly, understanding and accepting each other's family backgrounds and dynamics is crucial. In-laws, parenting styles, and extended family relationships can all impact a marriage. Learning to set healthy boundaries and creating a supportive family system together can help couples overcome these challenges.

By addressing these challenges and seeking guidance through Catholic wedding counselling, couples can build a strong foundation for a lifelong, loving, and fulfilling marriage.

The role of the Church in marriage

The Catholic Church plays a significant role in marriage, viewing it as a holy union between a man and a woman, established by God and ordered towards the good of the spouses and the procreation and education of offspring. This union is elevated to the level of a sacrament, reflecting its sacred nature. The Church's involvement in marriage begins with the requirement for couples intending to marry to undergo Pre-Cana, a course or consultation facilitated by a priest or deacon, often with support from a married Catholic couple. This preparation is designed to strengthen the couple's understanding of marriage and their roles within it.

The Church also outlines specific requirements for a valid Catholic marriage. These include the freedom of both parties to marry, the mutual exchange of consent, the intention to be faithful and open to children, and the presence of witnesses and a properly authorized church minister. The Church requires that Catholic weddings be held in a Catholic church, unless permission is granted to marry elsewhere. This underscores the importance of the Church's blessing and recognition of the union.

During the wedding ceremony itself, the Church's role is evident through the liturgical rituals and traditions that impart a sense of sacredness to the occasion. The exchange of consent, or wedding vows, is considered the focal point, as it signifies the couple's unbreakable pact with each other and with God. The presence of a priest or deacon adds a spiritual dimension, connecting the couple's love to God's grace and bestowing a blessing upon the union.

Beyond the wedding day, the Church continues to support married couples through various means. It encourages couples to seek God's grace to strengthen their commitment and navigate the challenges of married life. The Church also provides resources and guidance to help couples grow in their faith and overcome obstacles, recognizing that a strong spiritual foundation contributes to the success and satisfaction of the marriage.

Additionally, the Church emphasizes the role of married couples as ambassadors of God's love. Through their union and their love for each other, they reflect God's deep love for humanity and collaborate in His plan for the continuation of human life. This elevated purpose underscores the Church's view of marriage as a sacred covenant, worthy of honor and respect.

The importance of seeking help early

Marriage is a sacred union, but it is not immune to the challenges and trials of life. Recognising when to seek help is crucial for any couple, and doing so early can make all the difference. Catholic marriage counselling, or Pre-Cana, is a valuable resource for couples preparing to embark on their married life together. By seeking guidance early, couples can establish a strong foundation for their future.

Dr Greg Popcak, a Catholic and certified psychotherapist, emphasises that if a couple is questioning whether they need counselling, they would likely benefit from speaking to a Catholic counsellor. Popcak draws a parallel with physical health: if something feels off, one would consult a doctor to prevent a minor issue from becoming a more serious concern. Similarly, addressing mental health and relationship challenges early on can prevent them from escalating.

The COVID-19 pandemic has had a significant impact on mental health, with rates of anxiety and depression soaring. This has inevitably affected couples, and in such cases, Popcak advises seeking counselling together. He highlights that problems in a relationship are not solely an individual's issue but rather exist between people. Therefore, both partners should actively participate in finding solutions and fostering healthy habits.

Seeking help early allows couples to address issues before they become deeply entrenched. It provides an opportunity to identify unhealthy patterns, improve communication, and develop essential skills for a strong and fulfilling marriage. By integrating Catholic values with psychological insights, Catholic marriage counselling offers a unique approach to help couples navigate the complexities of married life.

Taking that first step and reaching out for help is a sign of strength and a commitment to building a solid foundation for the future. By prioritising their well-being and addressing challenges early, couples can increase their chances of a happy and enduring marriage.

The four progressive stages of relationship collapse

Stage 1: Unaddressed Issues

The first stage of relationship collapse is marked by the accumulation of unaddressed issues and conflicts. This could include ongoing arguments, poor communication, or a lack of resolution around topics such as finances, family planning, and household chores. Couples may find themselves stuck in a cycle of negative interactions, with hurtful words or actions causing pain and resentment. It is common for individuals to feel misunderstood, neglected, or unappreciated during this stage.

Stage 2: Emotional Distance

As issues remain unresolved, couples may enter the second stage, characterized by emotional distance and disengagement. This often involves a decrease in emotional intimacy, affection, and meaningful conversations. Couples may find themselves drifting apart, feeling lonely or isolated within the relationship. They may also start to question their compatibility and the long-term viability of the relationship.

Stage 3: Crisis Point

The third stage is a crisis point, where the strain on the relationship reaches a breaking point. This could be triggered by a significant disagreement, a breach of trust, or an accumulation of smaller issues that have not been addressed. Couples may experience intense arguments, feelings of anger, betrayal, or despair. It is common for individuals to consider separation or divorce during this stage, as the relationship feels irreparable.

Stage 4: Repair or Dissolution

The fourth and final stage involves either repairing the relationship or accepting its dissolution. Some couples may decide to actively work on their issues, seeking professional help or couples' counseling to improve their communication and resolve conflicts. This stage requires a commitment from both partners to honestly address their problems and make changes for the betterment of the relationship. Other couples may recognize that the relationship is beyond repair and choose to separate, accepting that their time together has come to an end.

Catholic Wedding Counseling

The Catholic Church offers pre-marital counseling and resources to help couples strengthen their relationship and avoid the progressive stages of relationship collapse. This includes programs such as Pre-Cana, which provide couples with tools for conflict resolution, improving communication, and addressing issues related to family, finances, and faith. By encouraging couples to address these topics early on, the Church aims to prevent relationships from reaching the later stages of collapse and promote healthy, lifelong marriages.

The practicalities of a Catholic wedding ceremony

Planning a Catholic wedding involves more than just the wedding day itself. The Church encourages couples to spend their engagement preparing for a strong, lifelong marriage and the responsibilities and challenges that come with it. This includes marriage preparation programs, inventories, and courses, as well as meetings with a priest, deacon, or lay minister. Here are the steps to follow when planning a Catholic wedding:

Initial Contact with Priest or Deacon

Six to twelve months before the proposed wedding date, meet with your parish priest or deacon, even if they will not be the ones officiating your wedding. All paperwork will be done through your home parish, and then your file will be sent to your wedding parish if it is different.

Assessment Process

During this time, an assessment will be made of your readiness for sacramental marriage, and necessary documents will be gathered. This includes a pre-marital inventory, such as the Foccus Inventory or the Prepare and Enrich Program, as well as a copy of your baptismal certificate dated within six months of the wedding date. If either party has been married before, evidence of the death of the previous spouse or a Declaration of Nullity is required.

Marriage Preparation Requirements

Marriage preparation requirements may include a combination of inventories, programs, and courses. Marriage preparation programs, such as Pre-Cana, typically involve a day-long or weekend retreat or a series of short sessions led by a priest or deacon, married Catholic couples, or a religious brother or sister. These programs aim to help couples discuss issues that may not have come up while dating, such as finances, raising children, conflict resolution, and gender roles.

Natural Family Planning (NFP)

Many dioceses and parishes require couples to complete a course in natural family planning (NFP) as part of their marriage preparation. NFP is an umbrella term for methods used to achieve or avoid pregnancies based on the observation of naturally occurring signs and symptoms of a woman's menstrual cycle.

Setting the Wedding Date

Once all the requirements have been met and the necessary preparations have been made, you can begin the liturgical wedding plans. The priest or deacon will inform you of any parish guidelines, costs, or offerings involved. If they believe the couple is not ready to move forward, they will provide reasons for delaying the marriage and may refer them to another priest or deacon. The couple has the option to appeal this decision to the Bishop through the Episcopal Vicar.

Frequently asked questions