Jewish Wedding Traditions Explained

A Jewish wedding is a ceremony that follows Jewish laws and traditions. The wedding process has two distinct stages: the first, kiddushin (betrothal), and the second, nissuin (marriage). The ceremony begins with the signing of the ketubah (marriage contract) by the couple and two witnesses. This is followed by the bedeken (veiling) ceremony, where the groom covers the bride's face with a veil. The wedding party then enters the main ceremony area and stands under the chuppah (wedding canopy). The bride circles the groom three or seven times, after which the couple exchanges rings and vows. The ketubah is then read, followed by the seven blessings (Sheva Brachot). The ceremony concludes with the breaking of the glass, after which the couple spends some time in yichud (seclusion) before proceeding to the wedding feast.

Signing of the Ketubah (marriage contract)

The ketubah is an ancient document that outlines the groom's commitments to the bride. It is a symbolic Jewish marriage contract that dictates the conditions the groom will provide in the marriage, the bride's protections and rights, and the framework should the couple choose to divorce. The ketubah is signed before the wedding ceremony by the couple and two witnesses, who must not be blood-related family members to the couple. The witnesses are usually not closely related to the couple, but family and friends are often present for the signing. The ketubah is often a beautiful piece of artwork that can be framed and displayed in the couple's home.

The ketubah details the groom's obligations to the bride, including food, clothing, and marital relations. It also includes a lien to be paid by the husband to the wife in the case of divorce. This document has the standing of a legally binding agreement, though it may be difficult to collect these amounts in a secular court. It is often written as an illuminated manuscript that is read aloud during the wedding ceremony, usually in the Aramaic original, but sometimes in translation. Non-Orthodox Jewish couples may opt for a bilingual ketubah or for a shortened version to be read out.

The signing of the ketubah is one of the oldest Jewish wedding traditions, dating back two thousand years. While only two witnesses are required to sign the ketubah, it is common today for the couple, their officiants, and sometimes additional witnesses to also sign the document. This often takes place in a separate, more intimate ceremony immediately before the wedding ceremony.

The ketubah is generally read between the two parts of the marriage ceremony: the betrothal, known as erusin or kiddushin, and the actual marriage, nissuin.

Bedeken (Veiling)

Bedeken, or veiling, is a ritual that takes place before the wedding ceremony. The groom covers the bride's face with a veil, signifying that he loves her for her inner beauty and that they are distinct individuals even after marriage. The ritual also stems from the biblical story of Jacob, who was tricked by his father-in-law into marrying Leah, the sister of his intended bride, Rachel. Jacob was presented with a veiled bride, and only after the ceremony did he realise it was not Rachel. Today, if a bride chooses to wear a veil, her groom will place it over her face before the ceremony.

Among Sephardic Jews, the bedeken is not part of the wedding day. Instead, a henna party is held the week before the ceremony, where henna is applied to the palms of the couple. These markings protect them from the "evil eye" and make them easily identifiable on their wedding day.

The bedeken is often an emotional ritual, as the bride and groom may not have seen each other for 24 hours or longer (and sometimes as long as seven days) before this moment.

Chuppah (Wedding Canopy)

The chuppah, or wedding canopy, is a crucial element of a Jewish wedding ceremony. It is a structure that symbolises the new home and life that the couple will build together as they become husband and wife. The chuppah is usually made up of four poles or beams supporting a cloth canopy, often a tallit (prayer shawl) that has special meaning to the couple. The structure may be freestanding or held up by four people, usually friends or family members.

The chuppah is open on all four sides, symbolising the couple's hospitality and welcoming of family and friends into their new home. It is traditionally placed outdoors under the open sky, reminiscent of the sukkah, a temporary structure erected during the holiday of Sukkot. This setting also symbolises the couple's protection and support from God alone.

The chuppah ceremony is also known as nissuin, the second stage of a Jewish wedding when the couple starts their life together. The first stage, kiddushin, is the betrothal or sanctification when the woman becomes prohibited to all other men.

The chuppah holds symbolic value in Jewish weddings, representing the new life and home that the couple will share. It is a visual representation of the couple's commitment to each other and their future together.

Betrothal (ring ceremony)

The betrothal, or kiddushin, is the first part of a Jewish wedding ceremony. It is derived from the Hebrew word for "marriage" and "holy". The betrothal traditionally includes two blessings, one over wine and one reserving the couple for each other, the ring ceremony, and the groom's recitation of the formula: "Behold, by this ring you are consecrated to me as my wife according to the laws of Moses and Israel".

The blessings over wine are a traditional part of the ceremony. The first cup of wine accompanies the betrothal blessings, which are recited by the rabbi. After these are recited, the couple drinks from the cup. The blessings express the couple's resolve to create a Jewish home, dedicated to God and the well-being of humanity.

The ring ceremony is a crucial part of the betrothal. In Jewish law, a marriage becomes official when the groom gives an object of value to the bride, which is traditionally a ring. The ring should be plain, without any stones or marks, symbolising the simple beauty of the marriage. The couple exchanges rings and declare their betrothal vows to each other. The groom places the ring on the bride's right index finger, with two witnesses watching. The words, "by this ring you are consecrated to me according to the law of Moses and Israel", are the essence of the marriage service. The circle of the ring symbolises the eternal nature of the marriage covenant.

In some egalitarian weddings, the bride will also present a ring to the groom, with a quote from the Song of Songs: "Ani l'dodi, ve dodi li" (I am my beloved's and my beloved is mine). This ring is sometimes presented outside the chuppah to avoid conflicts with Jewish law.

Breaking of the Glass

The breaking of the glass is one of the best-known features of a Jewish wedding. It is a custom that dates back to the writing of the Talmud. The glass, usually wrapped in a cloth or napkin, is placed on the floor in front of the groom. The Rabbi or Chazan (Cantor) then sings a Hebrew song called Im Eshkakech Yerushalayim ('If I forget you, Jerusalem') to commemorate the destruction of the two Jewish temples in Jerusalem. The groom then smashes the glass with his foot.

There are many interpretations of this ritual. One interpretation is that it is a reminder of the destruction of the Temple in Jerusalem, and that even in the midst of celebration, we must remember the tragedies that the Jewish people have endured. Another interpretation is that the fragile glass reminds us of the delicate nature of marriage, which must always be cared for and cherished. The breaking of the glass can also be seen as a kind of incantation: "As this glass shatters, so may our marriage never break." It is also believed that loud noises are a way to frighten and appease demons that are attracted to happy couples.

The breaking of the glass also has sexual connotations, as it symbolises the release of sexual union, which is permitted and required of married couples. For centuries, the breaking of the glass implicitly symbolised breaking the hymen, which is why it was important for the groom to succeed.

After the glass is broken, guests traditionally clap and shout "Mazel tov!", which means "good luck" or "congratulations".

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