Gypsy Wedding Traditions Revealed

Gypsy weddings are a unique ceremony that combines Orthodox wedding rituals with Gypsy customs. The weddings can last up to three days, beginning with a church wedding where the bride and groom arrive separately. There is often a mock abduction or negotiation for the bride's price, where the groom's family storms the bride's barricaded home. After the church wedding, the newlyweds travel together to the reception, where they kneel and are blessed with bread and salt by the elders. The bride may also be encircled by a procession, carrying a staff. Dancing, singing, and an abundance of food are also integral parts of the celebration. Gypsy weddings are typically arranged by the parents, with the groom's family initiating the matchmaking. Couples usually marry in their mid-teens, and it is taboo for them to live or sleep together before the wedding.

Virginity tests

In Gypsy culture, there is a ritual that determines whether a bride is a virgin or not, called the "handkerchief test" or "gathering". This test is performed on the day of the wedding. The bride is taken to a separate room where a "gatherer", a female specialist, examines the bride's hymen and proceeds to break it, using a handkerchief. If the handkerchief shows signs of blood, the bride is deemed a virgin and the wedding can go ahead. If not, the groom's family can annul the marriage, and the bride and her family are publicly shamed.

The handkerchief is usually about half a meter long, white with roses, bows, and embroidered strips. If the bride passes the test, the handkerchief is displayed to all the wedding guests.

The French reality TV series, Incredible Gypsy Weddings, has been criticised for its portrayal of the handkerchief ceremony. In one episode, a commentator says:

> "On this bed, a woman with special training tests the resistance of Naomi's hymen with a delicate tissue. The ceremony of the handkerchief is ancestral and inescapable. If Naomi has had sexual relations, the wedding will be cancelled."

The French government has condemned the series, with the Minister for Citizenship, Marlène Schiappa, writing to the country's broadcast watchdog to express her outrage.

It is important to note that the belief that a broken hymen is proof of a lack of virginity is a myth. The World Health Organization states that inspecting the hymen visually or with fingers cannot prove whether a woman or girl has had vaginal intercourse or not. Furthermore, not all women have a hymen, and not all women with a hymen will bleed the first time they have sex.

Some women choose to have hymen reconstruction surgery, also known as "hymenoplasty", to convince their future husbands that they are virgins. This procedure can be costly, and some women have to ask their friends and family for help with the expense.

Mock bride abduction

A mock bride abduction is a practice that is part of gypsy wedding traditions. It involves the groom's family and friends storming the bride's home to ensure exogamy and avoid paying a bride price. This practice is controversial as it can involve the kidnapping of young girls to marry teenage boys.

In Romania, the mock bride abduction tradition has evolved into a colourful custom where brides are dramatically "stolen" and held "hostage" by friends at a top tourist spot. The groom must then pay a ransom, such as a few bottles of whiskey or a public declaration of love, to get his bride back. While this practice is seen as harmless theatrics, it has its roots in a much older gypsy wedding tradition.

In traditional gypsy culture, the groom's family would go to the bride's home before the wedding to negotiate the bride price, and sometimes the groom would abduct the bride if he could not pay. This practice is still common in Kyrgyzstan, where it is known as "Ala Kachuu", which translates to "catch her and run". While this practice has been illegal since 1994, it is still socially accepted and rarely prosecuted.

In some gypsy communities, the bride abduction is not actually mock and is instead a way to protect young girls from being "bride-napped" by strangers. In these cases, the bride's family arranges a marriage with a teenage boy from a family they know to protect the girl's honour and safety.

Bride price

A unique feature of Gypsy weddings is the mock abduction or negotiation of the bride price. The groom's family will visit the bride's home to ensure exogamy and avoid paying the bride price, which can be controversial as it involves the abduction of young girls to marry teenage boys.

The bride price is a sum of money paid by the groom to the bride's family, and it can range from $3,000 to over $6,000, with more beautiful brides demanding a higher price. The price is based on the merits of the bride, and if the groom cannot pay, he may steal the bride, although this practice is becoming less common.

In some Gypsy communities, such as the Kalaidzhi in Bulgaria, the bride price is a central part of the wedding tradition. The Kalaidzhi are semi-nomadic Roma, and their identity is rooted in the ancient craft of producing and repairing pots and pans. The bride price negotiations take place at the St. Todor's Day "market," where teenage girls and their families gather. The men save up to pay the bride price, which ensures the bride will be treated well by her new family.

While the bride price tradition is still prevalent among the Kalaidzhi, it is facing opposition from younger generations who are more educated and seek to choose their own spouses. Some women are even considering marrying outside of their community, which is taboo.

Groom's ransom

Paying a ransom for the bride is a common tradition in gypsy weddings. The groom's family compensates the bride's family for the loss of their daughter, who was expected to remain a virgin until marriage. The price of the bride is based on her merits, and the money is given to the newly formed family.

In some cases, if the groom cannot afford the bride price, he may steal her away. However, this practice is becoming less common, and if it does occur, the groom's family is expected to cover the wedding expenses.

The groom's family will bring gifts, including a bottle of wine, a wedding cake, and a dowry of pillows, blankets, and jewellery, to the bride's family home to finalise the match. During this meeting, the bride price is negotiated, and the groom's family may offer a dowry to the bride's family.

On the day of the wedding, the groom must pass several tests to prove his love for the bride and earn her hand in marriage. These tests may include answering questions about the bride, such as her eye colour or favourite book, or performing tasks, such as singing or dancing. If the groom fails a test, he must pay a ransom to move on.

The gypsy-style bride redemption scenario is often organised by a witness and can include creative elements such as costumes, ribbons, and heart-shaped props. The witness, dressed in a long skirt with clinking coins and massive jewellery, meets the groom at the entrance, blocking his way to the bride. The witness demands a ransom, and the groom must complete tasks or pay money to pass.

Bread and salt blessing

The bread and salt blessing is a traditional part of gypsy wedding ceremonies. The blessing is performed by the elders of the community, or the parents of the newlyweds, and is done to bring good luck and fortune to the couple.

The bread and salt blessing is a ritual that is also common in Slavic, European, and Middle Eastern cultures. In gypsy weddings, the blessing is performed by the elders of the community, who bless the couple with bread and salt as they kneel and hold icons. The bread is baked by women who have succeeded in family life. The bread is given to the couple to symbolise that they will never go hungry or be in need, and the salt reminds the couple that life may be difficult at times and that they must learn to cope with life's struggles.

In some gypsy communities, the blessing of the icon or bread is reserved for the upper layers of the community, while the lower layers can only bless with bread. In Polish weddings, the bread is lightly sprinkled with salt, and the couple also sips from a goblet of wine. The wine symbolises the wish for the couple to never go thirsty, and to have a life of good health and cheer. The parents then kiss the couple as a sign of welcome, unity, and love.

In some gypsy weddings, the couple will then break a plate and/or glass for good luck, and the song 'Sta Lot' is played. This song is a toast to the couple, wishing them 100 years of good health.

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