Gay Wedding Rituals Explained

A gay wedding is a wedding like any other. It is a celebration of love and commitment between two people. With the legalization of same-sex marriage in the United States in 2015, weddings among the LGBTQ+ community have been on the rise, with nearly 3% of all weddings in the country being for same-sex couples.

When attending a gay wedding, it is important to be mindful of your language and behaviour. Avoid using terms like gay wedding or implying that one person in the couple is the man or the woman. Respect the couple's relationship and their journey, and remember that your presence at their wedding signifies your support and commitment to their union.

Public displays of affection

Same-sex couples often face challenges when expressing affection in public due to the risk of negative reactions, including verbal harassment and physical violence. This constant vigilance can impact their comfort and ability to fully enjoy their wedding celebration. Many gay couples may choose to avoid public displays of affection to protect themselves from potential harm, especially in areas that are less accepting of the LGBTQ+ community.

However, some couples may feel empowered to express their love openly, especially if they are in a supportive and progressive environment. They may feel a sense of freedom and joy in being able to celebrate their wedding surrounded by loved ones who accept them.

The decision to engage in public displays of affection at a gay wedding is deeply personal and depends on various factors, including the couple's comfort level, the location of the wedding, and the level of acceptance in their community. It is important to respect the couple's wishes and create a safe and supportive environment for them to express their love as they see fit.

For guests attending a gay wedding, it is essential to examine your own beliefs and attitudes. Separate love and approval; you can love and support the couple without necessarily approving of their relationship if that is how you feel. Be mindful of your actions and words, ensuring that you do not inadvertently endorse or encourage something that conflicts with your values.

Ultimately, public displays of affection at a gay wedding are a reflection of the couple's comfort, the surrounding social climate, and the level of acceptance within their community. It is a personal choice that should be respected, and guests should strive to create a safe and non-judgmental environment for the couple to celebrate their love.

Wedding attire

Deciding what to wear to a wedding can be a challenge, and this is no different for gay weddings. There are endless options for couples to choose from, and they can be styled in a way that reflects their personalities.

For grooms, there are two typical approaches: matching ensembles or entirely unique styles. Matching outfits can be a safe choice, with traditional tuxedos or fitted black suits being a classic option that works well for most body types. If you want to add a twist to the traditional look, you can consider adding accessories like bow ties, shoes, or even sunglasses to make it your own. On the other hand, unique styles can highlight the personalities of each groom. For instance, grooms can opt for different colours of the same suit or jacket, or one might prefer a contemporary blue suit while the other goes for a black-tie look.

Brides also have a wide range of options. They can choose to wear wedding dresses, with endless shapes, styles, and types of gowns available to contrast or clash their looks. They can also opt for a bridal jumpsuit or a pant suit, showing that there is no one-size-fits-all approach to wedding attire. Brides can embrace their everyday style, whether that's an ultra-feminine princess look or something more rustic and bohemian.

Couples can also coordinate their outfits by incorporating a colour in common, such as wearing different colours from the same family, or choosing similar shapes with different colours. Accessories can also be a great way to tie two different looks together, whether it's through matching accessories or simply mixing and matching different ones.

Ultimately, the most important thing is to feel comfortable and confident in your wedding attire. Whether you decide to match your partner or go for completely different looks, there are endless ways to style your gay wedding attire to make it your own.

Guest behaviour

As a guest at a gay wedding, it's important to be mindful of your behaviour and language to ensure you're being respectful and supportive of the couple. Here are some guidelines for guest behaviour at a gay wedding:

Language

Avoid using the term "gay wedding" as it can imply that the wedding is different from a heterosexual one. Remember, the couple is getting married, not "gay married". Using inclusive and non-heteronormative language is key. Avoid assumptions or jokes about gender roles, such as expecting one person to be "the man" or "the woman" in the relationship. Recognise that same-sex couples may choose to walk down the aisle together or with their parents, or even have the guests process down the aisle towards them.

Attire

Be mindful that the couple may choose non-traditional attire. For example, both brides may wear dresses or pantsuits, or they may opt for a completely different style altogether.

Gifts and Cards

Be thoughtful when giving gifts or cards. Avoid giving cards with heterosexual imagery and be sensitive to the couple's unique relationship dynamics.

Public Displays of Affection

Be supportive and respectful of the couple's public displays of affection. Avoid visual discomfort, eye rolls, or negative reactions. Recognise that the couple's love and affection are no different from that of a heterosexual couple and should be celebrated equally.

Sensitivity

Approach the topic with sensitivity and avoid asking questions that may be intrusive or offensive. Respect the couple's choices and recognise that their wedding is a celebration of their love, just like any other wedding.

Uncomfortable Guests

If you feel uncomfortable attending a gay wedding, it is better to decline the invitation respectfully. You can still support the couple in other ways, such as sending a gift or spending time with them outside of the wedding.

Love and Support

Remember that your presence at the wedding is a show of love and support for the couple. As a guest, your role is to bear witness to their union and celebrate their commitment. Leave any personal judgments or discomfort at the door and focus on celebrating the couple's happiness.

Family dynamics

The presence of extended family, such as grandparents, at gay weddings can also be a source of tension, especially if they hold differing views or have not been previously informed about the couple's sexual orientation. This dynamic is further complicated by the potential for family exclusion, as gay individuals often face ritualistic exclusion during heterosexual weddings, experiencing feelings of being "devalued or hidden" while heterosexuality is elevated.

However, gay weddings can also strengthen family bonds and lead to improved relationships, particularly between parents and their gay children. In some cases, parents may have better continuing relationships with their gay children and their spouses compared to heterosexual couples. This is because gay sons may spend more time with their parents, and lesbian daughters-in-law may put in more effort to maintain strong relationships.

Ultimately, the family dynamics at gay weddings are influenced by a range of factors, including individual beliefs, societal expectations, and the unique circumstances of each family. Navigating these dynamics can be challenging, and it is important for family members to approach these situations with sensitivity, grace, and love.

Wedding traditions

Gay weddings are a relatively new phenomenon, so there are fewer established traditions for same-sex couples to follow. This means that LGBTQ+ couples have a lot of creative freedom when it comes to their wedding day and can make the day truly their own.

One tradition that LGBTQ+ couples seem to be eschewing is engagement rings, with 81% of gay men opting for substitute engagement gifts instead. Another tradition that is on the way out is the stag night or hen party, with couples instead deciding to share a night out with friends or go on a group vacation.

Same-sex couples also tend to spend the night before their wedding together, often choosing their outfits together so there is no need for a 'big reveal'. They may walk down the aisle together, or be accompanied by their mothers or someone else close to them, rather than their father.

The wedding party is also less gendered, with female friends, sisters, or even ex-wives taking on the role of best man in some male weddings.

Since same-sex marriage was legalised, gay couples have been required to write their own vows, as traditional marriage vows are gender-specific. This has also become an emerging trend in heterosexual marriages.

Other traditions that are being reinvented include what to wear, who pays, and who gives a speech. LGBTQ+ couples are ditching gender standards and wearing whatever they feel comfortable in, whether that's a suit, a dress, or something else entirely. While the bride's parents traditionally paid for the wedding, LGBTQ+ couples tend to pay for their wedding themselves, giving them more control over the day. Anyone can give a speech at an LGBTQ+ wedding, with couples mixing up the format and getting creative.

Frequently asked questions