Junior Rasmussen
The idea of someone turning someone down at a wedding is a dramatic trope often seen in films and TV shows. In reality, it is uncommon for someone to object to a wedding, and even more so for that objection to be valid. The tradition of allowing someone to object to a wedding dates back to the 12th century when the Catholic Church introduced it as a way of ensuring the legality of a union. At this time, it was difficult to check the marital status of people from other towns, their age, or their relation to each other. Today, most of the legalities of a marriage are established when applying for a marriage license, so there is rarely a valid reason for someone to object.
| Characteristics | Values |
|---|---|
| How common is it for someone to turn up someone in a wedding? | It is uncommon for wedding guests to object during a ceremony. |
| What happens if someone turns up someone in a wedding? | The officiant pauses the ceremony and decides how to handle the rest of the ceremony. |
| Who decides what to do after someone turns up someone in a wedding? | The officiant decides what to do after someone objects during a wedding. |
| What happens to the person who turns up someone in a wedding? | The person who objects could be asked to leave or be escorted out of the ceremony. |
| Can the wedding continue if someone turns up someone? | The wedding can continue after an objection, assuming the couple wishes to finish the ceremony. |
| What happens if the objection is about the legalities of the wedding? | If the objection is about the legalities of the wedding, the ceremony may be paused or postponed. |
| Can you object after the wedding? | People can object after the wedding, but it is unlikely to serve any purpose as the only way to undo the marriage is through divorce. |
| Should you object to a wedding? | It is generally advised not to object to a wedding unless there is a genuine concern for the bride or groom's welfare. |
| How to prevent people from objecting? | It is difficult to control other people's behaviour, but precautions can be taken such as speaking to everyone invited to the wedding or limiting alcohol consumption before the ceremony. |
What You'll Learn
The officiant pauses the ceremony
If someone objects during a wedding, the officiant may pause the ceremony. This is a rare occurrence, but it can happen. The officiant has two options: they can either continue with the ceremony as if nothing happened, or they can address the objection. If they choose to address it, they can take the objector aside to discuss the issue privately and then decide whether to proceed with the ceremony or not. This decision is usually made by the couple, who may want to postpone the wedding if the objection has upset them.
If the officiant chooses to ignore the objection, the wedding guests will usually deal with the objector and encourage them to leave. However, this can be difficult to do without causing a scene, and the flow of the ceremony may be affected. In this case, it is up to the couple to decide whether to continue with the ceremony or to postpone it.
It is important to note that objections during a wedding ceremony are typically not taken seriously unless there is a valid legal reason behind them. Legal reasons for objecting to a marriage include one of the parties being underage, already married, closely related to the other party, or being forced into the marriage. Personal objections, such as a guest's disapproval of the match, are not considered valid reasons to stop a wedding.
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The couple talk to the objector in private
If someone objects to a marriage at a wedding, the first thing the officiant will do is pause the ceremony. The couple can then decide whether to take the objector to another room to privately discuss their concerns or ask them to leave.
If the couple chooses to talk to the objector in private, they should emphasise their appreciation for the objector's concerns, while also reinforcing their relationship with their partner. A response along the lines of, "We appreciate you sharing your concerns; however, we feel differently," should suffice. The couple is not obligated to justify their decision to get married but should calmly thank the objector for their concern and then return to the ceremony.
Once the couple has returned to the altar, the officiant can make a brief apology for the interruption and thank everyone for their continued support. If anyone brings up the objection at the reception, the couple can simply state that it was an unfortunate and poorly timed interruption, but that they feel more confident in their decision to marry than ever before.
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The officiant may halt proceedings
The officiant may halt the wedding ceremony to investigate the objection, particularly if it is suspected that the marriage would be illegal. In the 12th century, when the tradition of objecting to a marriage began, it was much harder to check the marital status or age of people from other towns. Objections were also made if the couple were too closely related or if one party was being forced into the marriage. Today, most of the legalities of the marriage are established when applying for a marriage license, so objections are rare. However, if an officiant suspects that an objection may be valid, they may pause the ceremony to investigate the situation further.
If the officiant suspects that the objection is not legally valid, they may choose to acknowledge the objection, realise that it carries no legal substance, and proceed with the wedding. They may also make a joke to lighten the mood and continue with the ceremony. If the couple has concerns about a potential objection, they can inform the officiant ahead of time so that they are not blindsided during the ceremony. The officiant can then use humour to address the objection and keep the ceremony going.
If the objection is not legally valid, the couple may choose to take a moment to gather themselves before deciding whether to continue with the ceremony. The officiant can apologise for the interruption and proceed with the wedding. The couple can also ask the officiant to halt the ceremony to deal with the objection in private, but this depends on what the couple is comfortable with. Ultimately, the decision to continue or halt the ceremony lies with the couple.
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The objector may be asked to leave
If someone objects at a wedding, the officiant will pause the ceremony and the couple can take a moment to gather themselves. The couple may then choose to have a private conversation with the objector to discuss their concerns. If the objector is not willing to move on, the couple may ask them to leave.
Wedding objections are meant for legal issues, not emotional ones. In the case of a legal issue, the officiant would suspend the wedding to further investigate the objection. However, in most cases, objections are not based on legal issues and therefore do not have the power to stop a wedding.
While it is uncommon for guests to object during a wedding ceremony, it is best to be prepared for this situation. Couples can inform the officiant beforehand so they are not blindsided and can handle the situation with humour and grace. Couples can also choose to omit the "speak now or forever hold your peace" line from the ceremony script, especially if they are not having a religious ceremony.
If there is a concern about a potential objection, it is best to have a private conversation with the person beforehand to ask them to keep their concerns to themselves or discuss them in private before the wedding.
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The officiant may ignore the objection
While this is an option for the officiant, it is not recommended. Wedding expert Fr. Jason Lody advises couples to "be mindful of who you are inviting. Don't invite anyone who you might know to be a potential disruptor."
If you sense someone may have some qualms with your impending union, it's best to have a private discussion with them beforehand. If you are unable to resolve the issue, it is better to rescind their invitation than to risk a scene during the ceremony.
In the rare case that an unexpected objection occurs, the officiant can choose to briefly pause the ceremony and then continue as if nothing happened. Fr. Lody suggests that the officiant "make sure the couple is okay and try not to draw any more attention to what just took place. I would assume there would be some intervention or support from others in attendance to remove the cause for disruption."
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Frequently asked questions
It is uncommon for someone to object at a wedding, but if they do, it is up to the officiant to decide how to deal with it. The officiant may pause the ceremony and take the objector to another room to privately discuss their reason for objecting, or they may ignore the objection and continue with the ceremony.
Any objection must have a legal reason behind it. This could include the bride or groom being already married to someone else, the couple being too closely related, or one party being forced into the marriage.
Wedding objections date back to the 12th century when the Catholic Church allowed people to object to a marriage before or during the ceremony as a way to identify any legal issues with the bride or groom.
It is best to talk to the couple in private about your concerns before the wedding instead of objecting during the ceremony, as this will likely cause unnecessary drama.
