Wedding Woes: Handling Rejection

The idea of someone objecting to a wedding is a common trope in romantic comedies, but what happens if it occurs in real life?

The good news is that it's very uncommon for wedding guests to break this huge etiquette rule. However, if someone does object, it's up to the officiant to decide how to handle it. The officiant may pause the ceremony and ask the objector to speak privately with the couple, or they may simply continue with the ceremony, ignoring the interruption.

Objections during weddings originated in the 12th century when the Catholic Church introduced them as a way to ensure the legality of a union before finalising the marriage. At the time, it was challenging to verify people's marital status or whether they were related, so the community played a crucial role in ensuring each marriage was permissible.

Today, most legal issues are addressed when a couple applies for a marriage license, making objections during the ceremony largely unnecessary. Emotional objections, such as those depicted in films, hold no legal substance and cannot prevent a wedding from proceeding.

The officiant will pause the ceremony

If there is an objection during the wedding ceremony, the officiant will pause the proceedings. This is a common practice that has been popularised by romantic comedies, but it is based on a real tradition. The officiant will then decide how to proceed. If the objection is minor, the officiant may continue the ceremony without pausing. If the objection is more serious, the officiant may take a brief pause to decide how to handle the rest of the ceremony.

The officiant may then suggest that the couple have a private conversation with the objector to discuss their concerns. If the objector is not willing to move on, the couple may have to ask them to leave. The officiant should then check in with the couple to make sure they are okay and try not to draw any more attention to the disruption.

The officiant plays a crucial role in smoothly navigating each ceremony segment and incorporating any desired elements from the couple. They should also ensure that the legal requirements of the marriage are met.

The objector must have a legal reason

Wedding objections are reserved for legal issues and not emotional pleas. In the past, when documentation was scarce, wedding objections were a way to identify any legal issues with the couple getting married—for example, if one party was already married or had taken a vow of celibacy. Today, most legal issues are brought up before the couple applies for their marriage license, so it is very unlikely that someone could shout out something that would legally stop a wedding.

If someone does object, the officiant will pause the ceremony so the couple can chat with the objector in private. If the objection is minor and doesn't have any legal standing, the officiant may continue with the ceremony without pausing. If the objection is serious and has legal standing, the officiant will need to halt the ceremony so the couple, the officiant, and the objector can clarify the details of the objection. If the objection is found to be legitimate, the ceremony cannot legally proceed.

If the objection is emotional and not legal, it is up to the couple to decide how to proceed. The officiant will acknowledge the objection, realize that it carries no legal substance, and proceed with the wedding if the couple wishes to continue.

The couple can ask the objector to leave

If the objector is unwilling to move on, the couple may have to ask them to leave. The officiant can also ignore the objector and continue with the ceremony, leaving it to the wedding guests to encourage the objector to leave.

If the couple decides to ask the objector to leave, it is best to handle the situation with care and calmness. The couple can pause the ceremony and gently take the objector aside for a private discussion. They can express their appreciation for the objector's concerns but also reinforce their decision to get married. A response along the lines of, "We appreciate you sharing your concerns, but we feel differently," can help convey this. It is important to maintain privacy during this conversation to avoid inflaming the situation further.

Once the private discussion is concluded, the couple can return to the altar, and the officiant can make a brief apology for the interruption without providing additional details. The couple can then thank everyone for their continued support and proceed with the ceremony. If the issue is brought up again at the reception, the couple can simply state that it was an unfortunate and poorly timed interruption, and they feel more secure in their decision to marry despite it.

The officiant may halt the ceremony

The officiant traditionally stands at the altar before the ceremony begins. They are the first person to enter and the last to leave. The officiant may also be responsible for telling the wedding reception to sit once the bride is at the altar.

The officiant's role is to ensure the legality of the union. If there is an objection, the officiant will need to assess whether it has any legal merit. If the objection is based on a legal issue, the officiant may suspend the wedding to further investigate. However, if the objection is emotional and not based on a legal matter, it will not affect the wedding.

The officiant should handle the situation with care and try to move on unless the objection is extreme. They should check in with the couple to ensure they are okay and try to minimise any further disruption.

The couple can continue the ceremony

If someone objects at a wedding, the officiant will pause the ceremony. If the objection is minor and doesn't have any legal standing, the officiant may even just keep going with the ceremony without pausing.

The couple can then have a private conversation with the objector before restarting the ceremony. It's likely that the person who objects will want to speak with the couple in private. The couple can take them to a private area and talk about their concerns. Then, whenever they're ready, they can head back out and continue with the ceremony.

If the person who objects isn't willing to move on, the couple may have to ask them to leave.

It's important to remember that wedding objections are meant for legal issues, not emotional ones. In reality, an objection based on emotional grounds wouldn't matter—unless there's a legal matter stopping the couple from getting married, an objection like that has no bearing on the wedding itself.

Continuing the ceremony

The officiant can then acknowledge the objection, realise that it carries no legal substance, and proceed with the wedding. They can make a brief apology for the interruption (without adding any further details), thank everyone for continuing to support the couple, and proceed with the ceremony.

Frequently asked questions