Post-Wedding Jewish Rituals: What's Next?

After a Jewish wedding ceremony, the bride and groom retreat to a yihud or seclusion room to be alone together for the first time as a married couple. This period of seclusion symbolises their new status as husband and wife and is witnessed by guests who remain outside the room. The couple then rejoin their guests for a festive meal, followed by seven days of feasting, known as Shiv'at Y'mei Mishteh, during which they eat, drink, and celebrate with their community.

The wedding feast

It is customary to set a table aside at the wedding feast for the poor and indigent of the community, so they can participate fully in the wedding. It is also customary for the poor to be allowed to collect alms from the wedding guests or for the parents of the newly married couple to give them a substantial sum.

The wedding meal is followed by Birkat Hamazon (Grace after meals), which is recited by the assembled guests. This concludes with the recitation of the Sheva Berakhot, the Seven Blessings. Two cups of wine are required for this ritual, one of which is held while the grace is recited, and the other for the Seven Blessings. The person reciting the grace then pours wine from the two cups into a third cup and drinks from the original cup, while the other two cups are given to the bride and groom to sip from.

The seven days of feasting

Each day, the couple is hosted by close relatives or friends for a festive meal, which is punctuated by singing and rejoicing. It is customary for the groom, if he is learned, to deliver a d’var Torah, a learned discourse. However, it is also customary for the groom to be interrupted with singing as he begins, so he will not be shamed if he is not capable of delivering it.

At the conclusion of each meal, the Sheva Berakhot, or Seven Blessings, are recited. A minyan, or quorum, of at least ten adult males, or ten adults of either gender in liberal communities, is required for each meal, with at least one person present who was not at the wedding or previous Sheva Berakhot.

The seven-day celebration is an opportunity for the couple to begin their married life together within the community, surrounded by family and friends. It is a time for the community to come together and rejoice, and for the couple to be showered with love and support as they embark on their new life together.

The signing of the marriage contract

The ketubah, or marriage contract, is an integral part of a traditional Jewish wedding. It outlines the groom's responsibilities to his bride, including the conditions he will provide in the marriage, the bride's protections and rights, and the framework should the couple divorce.

The ketubah is signed before the wedding ceremony, usually on the same day, in a small gathering of the bridal couple, rabbi or cantor, witnesses, and a few close family and friends. The ketubah is signed by two witnesses, and often by the couple themselves, too. The witnesses must be halakhically valid, so they cannot be blood relatives of the couple, and in Orthodox Judaism, they must be male.

The ketubah is written in Aramaic, the lingua franca of Jews when ketubahs became standardised, to ensure the couple understood the contract. It is often an illuminated manuscript that is framed and displayed in the couple's home.

The ketubah outlines the groom's obligations to the bride, including food, clothing, and marital relations. It also states that the groom will pay the bride a fixed sum of money, usually accruing from his property, in the event of divorce or his death. This sum is known as the mohar, or bride price.

The ketubah is read aloud during the wedding ceremony, usually in the original Aramaic, and then handed from the groom to the bride.

The breaking of the glass

There are several reasons for the breaking of the glass. One is that it is done to remember the destruction of the Jewish temples in Jerusalem, and to remember the suffering of the Jewish people. This interpretation dates back to the 14th century. Another reason is that the fragility of glass suggests the frailty of human relationships, and that even the strongest love can be subject to disintegration. The breaking of the glass is therefore a kind of incantation: 'As this glass shatters, so may our marriage never break'.

Loud noises are also thought to frighten and appease demons that are attracted to happy and fortunate people, such as the newly married couple. Marriage is a covenant, which in Judaism is made by breaking or cutting something. Finally, the breaking of the glass has sexual connotations, as it symbolises the release of sexual union, which is permitted and required of married couples.

After the glass has been broken, guests shout 'Mazel tov!' and the celebration begins. Many couples choose to have something made from the shards of the glass, such as a mosaic or another decorative piece to display in their home.

The seclusion room

The couple is traditionally escorted to the room by their parents, who then leave them alone. The witnesses to the signing of the ketubah (the marriage contract) must ensure that there is no one else in the room and that the door is shut and locked. They then wait outside, ensuring that no one enters the room until the couple has been alone for a reasonable period of time.

The time spent in the seclusion room is a period of respite for the couple, a tranquil interval amidst the festivities of the wedding. It is customary for the couple to share their first meal as husband and wife in the seclusion room. The meal is their first food of the day, as they have been fasting. It is also a time when the couple may exchange gifts, with the groom often presenting the bride with a diamond ring.

The time spent in the seclusion room can be as little as five minutes if the wedding is running late, but it is usually between eight and twenty minutes.

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