George Boyle
Planning a wedding can be stressful, and a Jewish wedding can feel even more daunting as it requires several special ritual items. For example, at most Jewish weddings, Kippot (yarmulkes) are provided for guests, and couples may want to imprint them with their names and wedding date. A Kiddush cup is also needed for the ceremony, and a glass to be broken at the end. The couple will also need to decide on the type of chuppah (wedding canopy) they want and the text for their ketubah (marriage contract). They will also need to choose their wedding bands, bearing in mind that Jewish law requires simple bands without piercings or precious stones.
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What You'll Learn
The chuppah, or wedding canopy
Traditionally, when a boy was born, a cedar tree was planted, and when a girl was born, an acacia tree was planted. When the children grew up and were to be married, the poles supporting their chuppah were made from those trees. This custom is still preserved in Israel, where cedar and acacia trees are plentiful.
You can also construct your chuppah using a separate, large tallit (a prayer shawl). If you choose to do this, be sure to buy a Size 60 or larger. Some couples also opt for a more elaborate design, such as a gold silk chuppah.
During the ceremony, the couple stands under the chuppah as the blessing over wine is recited twice. This means you will need a Kiddush cup for the ceremony. The Kiddush cup does not need to be different from the cup used on Shabbat or holidays. You can use the same Kiddush cup for years to come, making it a long-term investment.
The chuppah is also where the ring exchange takes place. In Jewish law, a marriage becomes official when the groom gives an object of value to the bride, which is traditionally done with a ring. The couple exchanges rings and declares their betrothal vows to each other.
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The ketubah, or marriage contract
The ketubah is often a beautiful piece of artwork, with many couples commissioning a ketubah artist to create a custom design. It is then displayed in a place of honour in the couple's home as a reminder of their lifelong commitment to each other.
When choosing a rabbi to lead the wedding, it is important to ask about their preferred ketubah text, as some rabbis may have specific requirements for the content and format. Couples can also choose to write their own text or select from a variety of pre-existing options, ranging from Orthodox to Reform traditions.
In addition to the ketubah, there are several other ritual items that are important for a Jewish wedding. These include the chuppah, or wedding canopy, the kiddush cup for the blessing over wine, and the glass for breaking at the end of the ceremony.
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The Kiddush cup
The material of the Kiddush cup is not prescribed, but it should be noted that Jewish wedding rings are often made of pure 14K gold or silver, with a smooth finish on the inside, so these could be considered appropriate materials for a Kiddush cup. The cup could also be handcrafted or painted, or decorated with satin or felt to match the wedding decor.
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The officiant
When choosing an officiant, it is important to consider their philosophy about leading weddings and their willingness to adapt rituals. It is also crucial to discuss the different elements of the Jewish wedding and decide what to include. For example, the officiant may have preferences for the type of ketubah (marriage contract) text used or the dress requirements for the bride and groom.
Additionally, the officiant will lead the blessings of betrothal (Kiddushin), where two cups of wine are used. The first cup accompanies the betrothal blessings, recited by the rabbi, after which the couple drinks from the cup. The betrothal blessings express the couple's resolve to create a Jewish home dedicated to God and the well-being of humanity.
Finally, the officiant will oversee the giving of the ring, which, according to Jewish law, makes the marriage official. In a traditional ceremony, only the groom gives the bride a ring, although many contemporary couples choose to exchange rings to align with their values.
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The rings
The exchange of rings is one of the most important parts of a Jewish wedding. According to Jewish law, a marriage becomes official when the groom gives an object of value to the bride, and this is traditionally done with a ring. The ring should be totally plain, without stones or marks, symbolising the hope that the marriage will be one of simple beauty. The couple then exchanges rings and declares their betrothal vows to each other. The words, "by this ring you are consecrated to me according to the law of Moses and Israel" are the essence of the marriage service. In a traditional ceremony, only the groom gives the bride a ring, but many contemporary egalitarian couples find this ritual at odds with their values and choose to do a double-ring ceremony. Some Orthodox rabbis will allow a modified form of this.
Over the centuries, both the ring style and the finger upon which the ring is placed have varied. In many contemporary Jewish circles, the ring is placed directly onto the ring finger. Some couples who wish to use family heirloom rings during the ceremony place them on the index finger and wear other rings following the ceremony. Today, both partners can choose to give each other a token, and the choice of tokens has broadened considerably. Some rabbis will require that couples use a ring of one solid piece of metal, while others will accept any style of ring or any other object as the official token. The only limits are those set by the couple's imaginations, tastes, and the customs of their communities, so be sure to consult with your rabbi.
Jewish law requires simple bands without piercings or precious stones. According to some, the ring must have a smooth finish on the inside and be made of something of value, like pure 14K gold or silver. Other popular Jewish wedding rings feature the romantic quote from Song of Songs, "I am my beloved's and my beloved is mine". The groom places the ring on the bride's index finger and says in Aramaic, "Behold, you are consecrated to me with this ring, according to the laws of Moses and Israel."
Couples also need a kiddush cup for under the chuppah, and some couples are creating a new tradition by using one heirloom cup from each family.
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Frequently asked questions
Jewish law requires a simple band without piercings or precious stones. The ring should be totally plain and made of something valuable, like pure 14K gold or silver. The ring is typically placed on the ring finger, but some couples use a family heirloom ring and place it on the index finger.
The Ketubah is a Jewish marriage contract that states the groom's commitments to the bride and is traditionally signed by the groom and two witnesses. More modern, egalitarian variations are also available. The Ketubah is often a beautiful piece of artwork that can be framed and displayed in the couple's home.
The Chuppah is a wedding canopy. It can be constructed using a separate, large tallit (a white tallit or white with simple stripes).
A Kiddush cup is used during the wedding ceremony for the blessing over wine. The couple will need two cups for the ceremony.
