Junior Rasmussen
Wedding vows are promises exchanged between partners during a wedding ceremony. They are based on Western Christian norms and are not universal to marriage or Christian marriage. Couples can choose to write their own vows, but traditional vows are a time-honoured alternative. Religious wedding vows are usually exchanged in a registered religious building, like a church, and are considered deeply meaningful.
| Characteristics | Values |
|---|---|
| Recited promises | Written by the couple or traditional |
| Participants | Bride and groom |
| Location | Registered religious building |
| Additions | Religious readings, poetry, or extracts |
| Variations | "To love and to cherish" vs "to love, cherish, and obey" |
| Declarations | Reference to God and commitment to each other |
| Exchange | Verbal or silent |
| Vows | I, [name], take you, [name], to be my [wife/husband], to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, [till death do us part], according to [God's holy ordinance/law]. |
| Ring exchange | Immediate or not included |
| Examples | Christian, Jewish, Hindu, Buddhist |
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What You'll Learn
Wedding vows are declarations of lifelong commitment
Wedding vows are a declaration of lifelong commitment to one's partner. They are promises made by each partner during a wedding ceremony, based on Western Christian norms. While they are not universal to marriage and are not necessary in most legal jurisdictions, they are considered deeply meaningful and worth any effort involved.
The traditional wedding vows, as printed in the Book of Common Prayer, are:
> I, [name], take thee, [name], to be my wedded [wife/husband], to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, [to love, cherish, and to obey], till death do us part, according to God's holy ordinance; and thereto I [plight thee my troth/give thee my troth].
The phrase "to have and to hold" refers to belonging together rather than a statement of ownership. The word "wedded" implies a voluntary decision, establishing personal responsibility for one's choice.
In the United States, Catholic wedding vows may take the following form:
> I, [name], take you, [name], to be my lawfully wedded [husband/wife], to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part.
The priest will then bless the couple, stating:
> You have declared your consent before the Church. May the Lord in his goodness strengthen your consent and fill you both with his blessings. What God has joined, men must not divide. Amen.
While the specifics of wedding vows vary across religions and cultures, they all symbolise the moment when a couple officially becomes one.
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Religious wedding vows should not be modified
Religious wedding vows are steeped in tradition and history, with some dating back to the manuals of the medieval church. These vows are not universal, even within Christian marriage, as Eastern Christians do not include marriage vows in their traditional wedding ceremonies.
The vows made in church weddings are unique and are considered legally binding. By making these promises in church, couples invite God to help them keep their vows. The official vows cover all the aspects of a good marriage and, therefore, cannot be changed. However, couples may choose to add religious readings, poetry, or extracts to their ceremonies.
The structure of religious wedding vows is also quite distinct. The vows usually begin with "I, [name], take you, [name], to be my [wife/husband]", followed by "to have and to hold", "for better, for worse", "for richer, for poorer", "in sickness and in health", and ending with "till death do us part". The phrase "to have and to hold" refers to belonging together, not ownership. Couples may also choose to include "to love and to cherish", or "to love, cherish, and obey".
While religious wedding vows should not be modified, couples can work with their officiant to identify parts of the traditional vows that resonate with them. The exchange of rings, which often follows the recitation of vows, serves to seal these promises.
In some religions, the declaration of vows is a symbolic moment when a couple officially becomes one. For example, in Hindu weddings, couples recite a set of vows known as saptapadi, or the Seven Steps, as they walk around a ring of fire to honour Agni, the Hindu god of fire. In Jewish ceremonies, vows are recited only when the ring is given or exchanged.
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The exchange of rings immediately follows the recitation of vows
The wedding vows as practised in most English-speaking countries are rooted in the Sarum Rite of medieval England. The oldest vows can be traced back to the manuals of the medieval church in England, specifically the dioceses of Salisbury (Sarum) and York. The first Book of Common Prayer, published in 1549, based its marriage service primarily on the Sarum manual.
In the Church of England, the official vows are legally binding and cannot be changed. Couples may, however, add their own personal touches in the form of religious readings, poetry, or extracts with the guidance of their clergy member. The Church of England's vows are as follows:
> I, [name], take you, [name], to be my wife/husband, to have and to hold from this day forward; for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part, according to God’s holy law. In the presence of God, I make this vow.
The bride may choose to replace "to love and to cherish" with "to love, cherish, and obey".
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The oldest traditional wedding vows can be traced back to medieval church manuals
The oldest traditional wedding vows can be traced back to the manuals of the medieval church. In England, there were manuals of the dioceses of Salisbury (Sarum) and York. The Sarum Rite of the Catholic Church, for instance, included the following vow from the wife:
> N. Vis habere hunc uirum in sponsum et illi obedire et servire et eum diligere et honorare ac custodire sanum et infirmum sicut sponsa debet sponsum...
This translates to:
> Ich .N. take the .N. to my weddyd housbonde to hau and to holden fro this day forward, for bettere, for wers, for richere for porere, in seknesse and in helthe to be boneyre and buxsum in bedde and at borde, tyl deth us departe, zif holi cherc...
Which, in modern English, is:
> I, [name], take you, [name], to be my wedded husband/wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part, according to God's holy law.
The compilers of the first Book of Common Prayer, published in 1549, based its marriage service mainly on the Sarum manual. The vows, as printed in the Book of Common Prayer, are:
> Groom: I, [name], take thee, [name], to be my wedded wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part, according to God's holy ordinance; and thereto I plight thee my troth.
>
> Bride: I, [name], take thee, [name], to be my wedded husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love, cherish, and obey, till death us do part, according to God's holy ordinance; and thereto I give thee my troth.
The wedding vows as practised in most English-speaking countries derive ultimately from the Sarum rite of medieval England. In many religions, the declaration of vows symbolises the moment when a couple officially becomes one, though the wording varies according to the specific religion.
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Wedding vows are not universal to marriage
The wedding vows as practised in most English-speaking countries derive ultimately from the Sarum rite of medieval England. In England, there were manuals of the dioceses of Salisbury (Sarum) and York. The oldest traditional wedding vows can be traced back to the manuals of the medieval church. The compilers of the first Book of Common Prayer, published in 1549, based its marriage service mainly on the Sarum manual.
In the United States, Catholic wedding vows may take the following form:
> I, [name], take you, [name], to be my lawfully wedded [husband/wife], to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part.
The bride and groom may choose to replace the clause "to love and to cherish" with "to love, cherish, and obey" when the bride makes her vows. In the United Kingdom, since the first law regulating marriage (the Marriage Act 1753), the state recognizes marriages conducted by the Society of Friends (Quakers), Jews, and the Church of England. The Quaker marriage vows are:
> Man: Friends, in the fear of the Lord, and before this assembly, I take my friend AB to be my wife, promising, through divine assistance, to be unto her a loving and faithful husband, until it shall please the Lord by death to separate us.
At Hindu weddings, couples recite a set of vows known as saptapadi, or the Seven Steps. This list of promises is recited as the couple walks around a ring of fire to honor Agni, the Hindu god of fire. Buddhist wedding vows will express a couple's desire to work together toward achieving enlightenment.
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Frequently asked questions
Wedding vows are promises each partner in a couple makes to the other during a wedding ceremony. They are not universal to marriage and are not necessary in most legal jurisdictions.
The traditional wedding vows in a church are:
> I, (name), take you, (name), to be my (wife/husband), to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part according to God's holy law/ordinance.
The bride and groom may choose to replace the clause "to love and to cherish" with "to love, cherish, and obey".
Yes, couples may add to the traditional vows or write their own. However, religious wedding vows should not be modified, though couples may include religious readings, poetry or extracts.
Some examples of religious wedding vows from different religions include:
- Episcopal wedding vows: "Wilt thou have this woman/man to be thy wedded wife/husband to live together after God's ordinance in the Holy Estate of matrimony?"
- Methodist wedding vows: "Will you have this woman/man to be your wife/husband, to live together in holy marriage?"
- Hindu wedding vows: couples recite a set of vows known as saptapadi, or the Seven Steps as they walk around a ring of fire to honour the Hindu god of fire.
- Buddhist wedding vows: "Today we dedicate ourselves completely to each other, in body, speech, and mind. [...] We commit to working together in our relationship toward the purpose of attaining enlightenment by striving to always perfect our kindness and compassion toward all sentient beings."
