Deborah Chan
While the Bible does not contain any official wedding vows, it does offer principles and verses that can be incorporated into vows. Many people choose to include Bible verses that are meaningful to them in their wedding vows, such as 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, which says, Love is patient and is kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. Biblical wedding vows should be founded on Agape love, which will remain even when Phileo love (affection) and Eros love (sexual attraction) wane. When writing biblical wedding vows, it is important to acknowledge the possibility of sin and avoid absolute terms like always and never. Instead, use words like try or endeavor to submit yourselves to the Lord daily.
| Characteristics | Values |
|---|---|
| Wedding vows in the Bible | No specific vows, but principles to formulate vows |
| Bible verses for vows | 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, Song of Solomon 8:6, Hebrews 13:4, Jeremiah 17:9 |
| Type of love in Christian marriage | Agape, Phileo, Eros |
| Verbose vows | "I take you as my husband/wife", "until death do us part" |
| Sin and vows | Avoid "always" and "never", use "try" or "endeavor" |
| Biblical roles | Gender-specific, wife submits to husband's leadership |
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What You'll Learn
Bible Verses for Wedding Vows
Although the Bible does not contain any specific wedding vows, it does offer principles that can help formulate marriage vows. Many people choose meaningful verses and chapters from the Bible to incorporate into their wedding vows. Here are some examples:
1 Corinthians 13:4-7
> Love is patient and is kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures every circumstance.
Song of Solomon 8:6
> Place me like a seal over your heart, over your arm. For love is as strong as death, its jealousy unyielding as the grave. It burns like blazing fire, like a mighty flame.
Hebrews 13:4
> Let marriage be held in honour among all [...] as the Bible commands us to be loving, faithful and honest in marriage as the sacred union blessed by God.
Jeremiah 17:9
> The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?
Ruth 1:16-17
> Don't urge me to leave you or to turn back from you. Where you go, I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God my God. Where you die I will die, and there I will be buried. May the Lord deal with me, be it ever so severely, if anything but death separates you and me.
When incorporating Bible verses into wedding vows, it is important to remember that the foundation of Christian marriage is Agape love. This type of love is enduring and will remain even when other forms of love may wane. Additionally, care should be taken to ensure that the vows align with the distinct purposes, responsibilities, and rights of the husband and wife as defined by the Bible.
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Biblical Principles for Marriage Vows
Although the Bible does not contain any specific wedding vows, it does offer principles and guidelines that can help shape marriage vows. Here are some Biblical principles to consider when writing your own vows:
Love, Honour, and Respect
The Bible emphasises the importance of love, honour, and respect in a marriage. 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 describes love as being "patient, kind, not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged." Similarly, Hebrews 13:4 instructs believers to "let marriage be held in honour" and to be loving, faithful, and honest in their union.
Submission and Headship
Some Biblical passages emphasise the concept of submission and headship in marriage. For example, a wife may vow to "submit herself to her husband's headship as to the Lord, just as the church submits to Christ." This idea of mutual submission is also found in Ephesians 5:21, which encourages believers to "submit to one another out of reverence for Christ."
Faithfulness and Commitment
Marriage vows often reflect the commitment and faithfulness that a couple promises to uphold. This is reflected in verses such as Ruth's declaration to her mother-in-law: "Where you go, I will go, [...] Your people will be my people and your God my God. Where you die, I will die, and there I will be buried" (Ruth 1:16-17). Additionally, Hebrews 13:4 instructs Christians to honour marriage and remain faithful to their spouses.
Agape Love
Biblical wedding vows should be founded on Agape love—a selfless, unconditional love. While Phileo love (affection) and Eros love (sexual attraction) are important aspects of a Christian marriage, they may wane over time. Therefore, vows should reflect the enduring nature of Agape love, which "will weather the storms of life" (1 Corinthians 13:13).
Acknowledging Sin and Imperfection
When crafting marriage vows, it is important to acknowledge the potential for sin and imperfection in oneself and one's spouse. Jeremiah 17:9 reminds Christians that "the heart is deceitful above all things." Therefore, instead of using absolute terms like "always" and "never", vows can incorporate phrases like "I will try" or "I endeavour" to reflect a realistic view of human fallibility.
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The Foundation of Christian Marriage
While the Bible does not contain any specific wedding vows, it does offer principles and guidelines for a Christian marriage, which can be incorporated into wedding vows. The foundation of Christian marriage is built on the concept of Agape love, which is considered the highest form of love, even above Phileo and Eros love. This type of love is selfless, unconditional, and enduring, reflecting God's love for humanity.
One popular verse used in wedding vows is 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, which describes the nature of love:
> "Love is patient and is kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice, but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures every circumstance."
Another important aspect of Christian marriage is the recognition that both spouses will inevitably fall short of their duties and responsibilities toward each other. As such, vows should avoid absolute terms like "always" and "never" and instead use words like "try" or "endeavor," acknowledging the need for daily submission to God.
The Bible also provides guidance on the distinct purposes, responsibilities, and rights of the husband and wife within the marriage covenant. For example, the wife might vow:
> "I, ______, take you, _____, to be my wedded husband. With the deepest joy, I come into my new life with you. As you have pledged to me your life and your love, I too give you my life, and in confidence submit myself to your headship as to the Lord. As is the church in her relationship to Christ, so I will be to you. ____, I will live first unto our God and then unto you, loving, obeying, caring, and ever seeking to please you. God has prepared me for you, so I will ever strengthen, help, comfort, and encourage you. Therefore, no matter what may be ahead of us, I pledge to you my life as an obedient and faithful wife."
Additionally, the Bible encourages couples to honour their marriage and treat each other with love, faithfulness, and honesty, as stated in Hebrews 13:4: "Let marriage be held in honour among all." Furthermore, husbands are instructed to be considerate and respectful toward their wives, as stated in the same chapter.
In conclusion, while there are no set wedding vows in the Bible, it provides a wealth of guidance and principles for Christian marriages. Couples can draw on these teachings to create meaningful vows that reflect their commitment to God and each other.
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Example Biblical Wedding Vows
Although the Bible does not contain any wedding vows, it does offer a lot of advice on marriage. Many people choose to incorporate verses and chapters from the Bible that are meaningful to them. Here are some examples of Biblical wedding vows:
Example 1
Bride: "I, [name], take you, [name], to be my wedded husband. With deepest joy, I come into my new life with you. As you have pledged to me your life and your love, I too give you my life, and in confidence submit myself to your headship as to the Lord. As is the church in her relationship to Christ, so I will be to you. [Name], I will live first unto our God and then unto you, loving, obeying, caring, and ever seeking to please you. God has prepared me for you, so I will ever strengthen, help, comfort, and encourage you. Therefore, no matter what may be ahead of us, I pledge to you my life as an obedient and faithful wife."
Groom: "I, [name], take you, [name], to be my wedded wife. With deepest joy I receive you into my life that together we may be one. As is Christ to His body, the church, so I will be to you a loving and faithful husband. Always will I perform my headship over you even as Christ does over me, knowing that His Lordship is one of the holiest desires for my life. I promise you my deepest love, my fullest devotion, my tenderest care. I promise I will live first unto God rather than others or even you. I promise that I will lead our lives into a life of faith and hope in Christ Jesus. Ever honouring God's guidance by His spirit through the Word, and so throughout life, no matter what may lie ahead of us, I pledge to you my life as a loving and faithful husband."
Example 2
Bride/Groom: "I, [name], take you, [name], to be my wedded [wife/husband], to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love, cherish, and obey, till death us do part, according to God’s holy law. In the presence of God I make this vow."
Example 3
Bride/Groom: "I, [name], take you, [name], to be my wedded [wife/husband]. With the deepest joy, I come into my new life with you. As you have pledged to me your life and your love, so I pledge to you my life and my love. I will be a strong spiritual leader for us, for better, for worse, in sickness and in health, in joys and in sorrows, until death do we part. I give you all that I have and all my love. In the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, with this ring, I seal my vow of love to you."
Example 4
Bride/Groom: "I, [name], take you to be my wedded [wife/husband]. I will be faithful and honest with you. I will respect, trust, help, and care for you. I will share my life with you and forgive you as we have been forgiven. I will try with you to better understand ourselves, the world, and God. Through the best and worst of what is to come, as long as we both shall live, I will love, honour, and cherish you."
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Medieval Church and Wedding Vows
In the medieval period, marriage was the only acceptable place for sex, so Christians were allowed to marry from puberty, which was generally considered to be 12 for women and 14 for men. Marriage vows are promises each partner in a couple makes to the other during a wedding ceremony based on Western Christian norms. They are not universal to marriage and are not necessary in most legal jurisdictions. They are also not universal within Christian marriage, as Eastern Christians do not have marriage vows in their traditional wedding ceremonies.
The oldest traditional wedding vows can be traced back to the manuals of the medieval church. In England, there were manuals of the dioceses of Salisbury (Sarum) and York. The Sarum Rite of the Catholic Church included the following vow from the wife:
> N. Vis habere hunc uirum in sponsum et illi obedire et servire et eum diligere et honorare ac custodire sanum et infirmum sicut sponsa debet sponsum, etc... Ich .N. take the .N. to my weddyd housbonde to hau and to holden fro this day forward, for bettere, for wers, for richere for porere, in seknesse and in helthe to be boneyre and buxsum in bedde and at borde, tyl deth us departe, zif holi cherc.
This translates to:
> I, [name], take you, [name], to be my husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part, according to God’s holy law. In the presence of God I make this vow.
There was no standardised form of wedding vows in the medieval period, and the only requirements were that a man and a woman agree to take one another as husband and wife in the present tense, in front of witnesses. In southern Europe, especially Italy, well into the 1300s, the actual consent by the couple was often made in the office of a notary or in the bride's home. Only after that, sometimes as much as a year later, did the couple obtain a blessing of the ceremony in church. It was probably not until the 14th century that the ceremony, held at the door of the church, in which the couples recited vows to one another in the vernacular language, became a part of the liturgy.
The first Book of Common Prayer, published in 1549, based its marriage service mainly on the Sarum manual. The marriage vows practised in most English-speaking countries derive ultimately from the Sarum rite of medieval England. The Book of Common Prayer was first introduced in 1549, but the sentiments were from long before. Much of the modern wedding ceremony as written by Cranmer actually came from various Catholic medieval sources.
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Frequently asked questions
No, there are no wedding vows in the Bible. However, the Bible does offer principles that can help formulate marriage vows.
Some Bible verses that can be used in wedding vows include:
- "Place me like a seal over your heart, over your arm. For love is as strong as death, it’s jealousy as enduring as the grave. Love flashes like fire, the brightest kind of flame" (Song of Solomon 8:6, NLT).
- "Love is patient and is kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice, but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures every circumstance" (1 Corinthians 13:4-7).
- "Let marriage be held in honor among all" (Hebrews 13:4).
When writing biblical wedding vows, it is important to remember that the foundation of Christian marriage is Agape love. Additionally, any vow that adds or takes away from what God has established regarding marriage may be considered sinful and null and void in God's view.
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