Pre-Wedding Date Confirmation: What To Expect

Planning a wedding can be a stressful and overwhelming experience, but breaking down the tasks into a structured checklist and timeline can make the process more manageable and enjoyable. One of the critical steps before confirming the wedding date is creating a comprehensive plan that covers various aspects of the wedding, from budgeting and selecting a venue to hiring vendors and finalizing the guest list. Here's a look at some of the key events and considerations that precede the confirmation of the wedding date:

- Budgeting and Financial Planning: Determining the budget is crucial before making any significant decisions. Couples need to figure out who is paying for what and establish a clear understanding of their financial resources. This involves crunching numbers, allocating funds accordingly, and creating a detailed spreadsheet to track expenses.

- Venue Selection: The wedding venue is one of the most important decisions, as it affects guest count, style, and budget. Couples should explore their options, visit potential venues, and trust their instincts when making this choice.

- Vendor Selection: Couples should research and hire essential vendors, including caterers, photographers, bands or DJs, videographers, and wedding planners, if desired. These professionals are in high demand and book up quickly, so early selection is essential.

- Guest List and Invitations: Finalizing the guest list is crucial, considering factors such as budget constraints and venue capacity. Creating a balanced list that accommodates the couple's wishes and the input of their families is essential. Save-the-date notices and invitations should be sent out with ample time for guests to respond.

- Theme and Aesthetics: Couples should decide on the formality and overall theme of their wedding, including the color palette and design elements. This guides many other decisions, from attire to decorations.

- Wedding Party Attire: Selecting and purchasing wedding attire, including the wedding dress, groom's tuxedo or suit, and bridal party outfits, is a significant step. It ensures that everyone in the wedding party has their attire sorted well before the big day.

- Pre-Wedding Events: There are often multiple pre-wedding events, such as engagement parties, bridal showers, bachelor and bachelorette parties, and rehearsal dinners. Planning and coordinating these events with the relevant parties is essential to ensure a smooth lead-up to the wedding.

- Marriage License and Officiant: Obtaining a marriage license and securing an officiant who can lawfully perform the ceremony are crucial steps. Couples should research the requirements for their specific location and allow enough time to fulfill any necessary paperwork.

Finalise the guest list and send out invites

Finalising the guest list and sending out invites is a crucial step in wedding planning. Here is a detailed guide to help you navigate this process:

Creating the Guest List:

• Start with a realistic budget: The number of guests will significantly impact your wedding budget. Consider how many people you can afford to host and how this will affect other aspects of your wedding, such as the venue and catering.
• Prioritize close loved ones: Begin by identifying your VIPs, including immediate family and close friends who you couldn't imagine celebrating without.
• Consider travel requirements: Keep in mind the accessibility of your wedding location for your guests. Think about travel requirements such as visa rules and convenient flight options for a destination wedding.
• Set a policy for plus-ones: Decide early on your approach to plus-ones. You may choose to allow plus-ones for your wedding party, engaged or cohabiting couples, or not permit any plus-ones at all.
• Be mindful of family dynamics: To avoid friction, loop in both sets of parents early on and consider reserving a portion of the guest list for them to allocate. This can help manage expectations and ensure everyone's needs are considered.
• Be fair with family: Treat members of different families equally to avoid hurt feelings. For example, if you invite some cousins, consider extending the invitation to all cousins to avoid any misunderstandings.
• Don't feel obligated: Remember, this is your day. You don't have to invite someone just because you were invited to their wedding or out of a sense of obligation. Focus on your current relationship with the person and whether they are truly important to you.

Finalising the Guest List:

• Wait for RSVPs: Give your guests an RSVP deadline, usually about six weeks before the wedding, and be sure to chase any stragglers. This will help you finalise the number of attendees and those requiring meals, as well as gather information on dietary requirements and access needs.
• Stagger your invites: It's common to receive some regrets, so consider sending out a second round of invites to those on your 'B-list' who you would have loved to include initially. Just be sure to send these invitations as soon as possible to avoid making them feel like an afterthought.

Sending Out Invites:

• Timing is key: Send your invitations at least eight weeks in advance, or ten weeks if your wedding is out of town. This gives your guests enough time to make travel arrangements and ensures you receive RSVPs in time for finalising numbers with your venue and caterers.
• Include all necessary information: Provide clear deadlines for RSVPs and any other relevant details, such as dress code or accommodation options. You may also want to include a self-addressed, pre-stamped envelope for RSVP cards to make it easier for your guests to respond.
• Keep track of responses: Use a guest list manager or spreadsheet to stay organised. Tools like The Knot Guest List Manager can help you manage RSVPs, collect addresses and phone numbers, and even create your seating chart later on.

Confirm the wedding party's schedule

Confirming the wedding party's schedule is an important part of the wedding planning process. Here are some steps to help you finalise the schedule with your wedding party:

Touch Base with Your Wedding Party:

Provide your wedding party with a detailed schedule of events, including timings and locations. Compile all the crucial information, such as the time and place for the rehearsal, getting ready, wedding party photos, etc., into a single slide. Ask them to save this slide on their phones for easy access. This will ensure that everyone is on the same page and knows where to be and when.

Finalise the Schedule:

Work with your wedding planner or coordinator to finalise the schedule for the wedding party. This includes confirming arrival times, transportation arrangements, and any specific duties or responsibilities they may have. Make sure to allow for plenty of time to get ready, including hair, makeup, and dressing.

Communicate Any Changes:

It is essential to communicate any changes or updates to the schedule to your wedding party as soon as possible. This will help ensure that everyone is on the same page and can adjust their plans accordingly.

Provide a Copy of the Schedule to Vendors:

Share the finalised schedule with all relevant vendors, such as photographers, caterers, transportation providers, etc. This will help them plan their own logistics and ensure a smooth flow on the wedding day.

Confirm Attendance:

In the lead up to the wedding, confirm the attendance of your wedding party. This will allow you to make any necessary adjustments to the schedule if someone is unable to attend. It is also a good idea to have a backup plan in case of last-minute changes.

Final Details:

In the week before the wedding, confirm all the final details with your wedding party. This includes reminding them of their roles and responsibilities, providing any last-minute instructions, and answering any questions they may have. It is also a good time to distribute any items they may need for the wedding, such as favours, decorations, or props.

Get your marriage license

Getting your marriage license is an important step in the wedding planning process. Here are some detailed instructions to help you navigate the process:

Step 1: Choose Your Marriage Location

Marriage licenses are issued based on the location of your wedding ceremony, so it's essential to decide on the venue first. The requirements and procedures for obtaining a marriage license vary by region and state, so be sure to research the specific rules for your chosen location.

Step 2: Set Your Wedding Date

In addition to choosing the location, you need to set your wedding date. There is usually a specific time window around your wedding date within which you must apply for, receive, sign, and submit your marriage license. It is recommended to file for the license early, ideally between 90 days and at least one week before your wedding. Marriage licenses can expire, so getting the timing right is crucial.

Step 3: Decide on Name Change

The marriage license application may ask if you plan to change your surname after marriage. It is recommended to discuss and decide on this beforehand, as the application process is not the place to weigh your options. If you're unsure, you can work with a name change service after the wedding to make the process smoother.

Step 4: Apply for the Marriage License

Both you and your future spouse will typically need to be present when applying for the marriage license, either in person or virtually. Some states may also require a witness. Be sure to bring the necessary documentation, including proof of identity, age, and marital status. The requirements vary by state, but generally include a photo ID, birth certificate, and proof of divorce or widowhood if applicable. There is usually a fee for applying for a marriage license, ranging from $35 to $150.

Step 5: Sign and Submit the Marriage License

Once you receive your marriage license, don't forget to bring it to your wedding ceremony. After the ceremony, the couple, witnesses, and officiant will need to sign the license. The officiant is typically a legal official, such as a justice of the peace, county or court clerk, judge, magistrate, or notary public. The signed license must then be submitted to the appropriate local officials for certification within a specified time frame.

Step 6: Obtain a Marriage Certificate

The marriage certificate is a certified copy of the marriage registration that you can obtain after the wedding ceremony. It serves as proof of your marriage and is useful for various purposes, such as taxes, insurance, banking, and name changes. Some states automatically send the marriage certificate, while others require you to order and purchase copies.

Break in your wedding shoes

Breaking in your wedding shoes is an important step in the lead-up to your big day. You'll be on your feet for most of your wedding, so it's crucial to ensure your footwear is up to the challenge. Here are some tips to help you break in your wedding shoes:

• Ensure your shoes fit well and are the correct size. There should be enough room at the front of the shoe for your toes to wiggle, without your heel slipping and sliding at the back.
• Scrape the bottoms of the soles to ensure they are not slippery, or spray them with a clear hairspray if they are white. This will increase your grip and reduce the risk of slipping.
• Wear your shoes inside for a few hours at a time. Walk around on a carpeted floor to help them mould to the shape of your feet. Gradually increase the length of time you wear them each day, but don't overdo it. Take them off if your feet are in pain or start to blister.
• For shoes that are a bit too tight, try stretching them by putting on thick socks, slipping on the shoes, and blasting them with a hairdryer for a few minutes. Keep the shoes on until they've cooled down, then repeat this process a few times if needed.
• Wear your shoes with ski socks. This will give them a little stretch and ensure no edges will dig or scrape on the day.
• Blast your shoes with heat. Put on thick socks, then slip on your shoes and warm them up with a hairdryer for a few seconds. This will help to stretch the fabric and expand your feet.
• Buy shoe stretcher spray to pre-soften the leather and make your shoes feel less stiff.
• If your shoes are still uncomfortable, consider having them professionally stretched by a cobbler. Be sure to do your research first, as a bad stretch job can ruin your shoes.
• Bring a backup pair of shoes to your wedding, just in case.

Prioritise self-care

Planning a wedding can be stressful, so it's important to take time to focus on yourself. Here are some ways to prioritise self-care in the lead-up to your wedding:

Months Before the Wedding

• Set boundaries: Establish a rule that designates specific time slots for wedding planning, and specific time slots for work and other tasks. This will help you feel more focused and relieve some of the pressure.
• Get active: Regular exercise is great for your physical and mental health. If you struggle to motivate yourself, consider getting a dog so you have to take it for walks. Alternatively, you could try yoga or gentle walks with your partner.
• Maintain a healthy diet: Avoid the temptation to crash diet, and instead focus on hitting your nutritional goals. Consult a nutritionist if you need help.
• Look after your skin: Resist the urge to try lots of new skincare products in the lead-up to your wedding. Stick to a simple routine that you know works for you, and be consistent with it.
• Therapy and self-care rituals: Continue any therapy sessions, and consider adding in some new self-care rituals such as taking a bath, meditating, or watching your favourite TV show.
• Alone time: Take some time to be by yourself and relax. This could be a walk, a bath, or even a scream into a pillow!

Weeks Before the Wedding

• Hair and makeup: If you're doing your own hair and makeup, give yourself plenty of time to practice. This can be a fun, creative outlet, and a chance to get to know yourself better.
• Nourish your relationships: Spend time with your partner, family, and friends, doing things that are not related to wedding planning. This will help you feel more connected and supported.
• Stick to your routine: Continue your healthy habits and self-care rituals. Consistency is key!

Days Before the Wedding

• Gifts: Show your appreciation to your loved ones by giving them small gifts.
• Alone time: Take some time to be by yourself and relax. This could be a walk, a bath, or even a scream into a pillow!
• Rest and relaxation: Make sure you're getting enough sleep, and take time to rest and recover from any wedding planning stress.
• Self-care rituals: Continue any self-care rituals that help you feel grounded and relaxed.

Remember, it's important to make time for yourself, even when things get busy and stressful. Self-care will help you feel more grounded and present, so you can fully enjoy your wedding day.

Frequently asked questions