The Wedding Whiplash: Navigating The Complexities Of Post-Nuptial Regret

Planning a wedding can be stressful, and it's only natural to wonder if you'll have any regrets about your big day. Many couples have shared their wedding regrets, and while some wish they'd had a bigger celebration, others wish they'd opted for something more low-key. So, will you regret a big wedding? The answer depends on your personal preferences, priorities, and circumstances.

On the one hand, a big wedding can be a memorable occasion filled with loved ones, beautiful photographs, and special moments like a father walking his daughter down the aisle or a mother making an extravagant dress for her daughter. It can be a chance to bring together extended family and friends who don't often get to celebrate together.

However, a large wedding also comes with a host of potential stressors and expenses. From managing guest lists and family expectations to coordinating logistics and dealing with the pressure of being the centre of attention, a big wedding can be a lot to handle. It may also lead to regrets about spending too much money on certain aspects or not enjoying the day as much as you'd hoped due to the chaos and nerves.

Ultimately, the decision to have a big wedding or not depends on your individual circumstances and what you and your partner value most. If an intimate celebration aligns with your vision and budget, there's no need to feel pressured to go big. On the other hand, if a grand affair is what you truly desire and can feasibly manage, then go for it!

Remember, it's your wedding, and you can choose to make it as extravagant or low-key as you wish. There is no one-size-fits-all approach, and the most important thing is that you and your partner feel happy and comfortable with your decision.

Not spending enough time with their partner

It is not uncommon for couples to regret not spending enough time with each other on their wedding day. The day can be so busy and overwhelming that it is easy to get caught up in the celebrations and lose track of time. Here are some ways to ensure you make the most of your time together on your special day.

Plan Quality Time Together

It is important to schedule some quality time with your partner on your wedding day. This means setting aside dedicated time where you can be fully present with each other and create meaningful memories. Whether it's a private dinner, a romantic walk, or simply sitting and enjoying each other's company, make sure to prioritise this time in your schedule.

Be Present in Your Hellos and Goodbyes

The way you greet and part with your partner can set the tone for your day. A warm hello and a mindful kiss can be a simple yet powerful way to show your partner that you care. According to psychologist John Gottman, a six-second kiss can reduce stress levels, boost intimacy, and strengthen your connection.

Choose Activities You Both Enjoy

If you find yourselves struggling to decide on activities to do together, create a list of "neutral" activities that you both enjoy. Pick a weekend where you can meet each other halfway by doing something your partner loves and something you're fond of. This way, you can both show interest in each other's hobbies while also spending quality time together.

Re-evaluate Your Priorities

If you find yourself constantly cancelling plans or prioritising other commitments over your partner, it may be time to re-evaluate your priorities. Your relationship should be among your top priorities, even if it's not the very first. Ask yourself why you're behaving this way, and make a conscious effort to track your cancellations and the reasons behind them. This will help you gain insight into where your true priorities lie.

Bring Back Date Night

If it's been a while since you and your partner had a proper date night, it's time to bring it back! Make a pact to reinstate official date nights where you explore new neighbourhoods, try different cuisines, or engage in fun activities together. Varying your date night activities can add excitement and help you create lasting memories.

Not having a photographer

The Importance of Photography

Many people consider wedding photography an essential part of their big day. Photos capture the emotions, joy, and love that are shared between the couple, family, and friends. They are a way to preserve memories and cherish them for years to come. As one person puts it, "The photos are the only thing that exists beyond the wedding day."

Budget Constraints

Wedding photography can be expensive, and it's understandable if you're hesitant to spend a large sum of money on it. If you're already facing high costs for catering, venue, and other expenses, it can be challenging to fit photography into your budget. In that case, you might consider hiring a photographer for a shorter duration or finding a student or amateur photographer who charges less.

Alternatives to Professional Photography

If you're not fond of photos or don't want to spend a lot of money on them, there are alternatives to hiring a professional photographer. You could ask friends and family to take pictures with their phones or cameras. This option might not yield high-quality, professional-looking photos, but it can still capture some special moments.

Regrets and Reflections

Some people who chose not to have a photographer at their wedding shared their experiences and regrets. One person said, "I only got one photo with my grandpa, and it's unfixably blurry." Another person wrote, "I know several people who asked friends and family to take photos at their pandemic micro weddings, and they all regret it." These reflections highlight how not having a photographer might lead to missed opportunities for meaningful photos.

On the other hand, someone who chose not to have a photographer and doesn't regret it explained, "I also do not like pictures in my day-to-day life. There are no family pictures on my walls, I don't look through photo albums or anything, so there isn't much for me to miss about not having those pictures." This perspective shows that the importance of wedding photography can vary depending on individual preferences.

Tips for Hiring a Photographer

If you decide to hire a photographer, it's essential to choose one who suits your style and needs. Communicate your expectations and priorities clearly. Ask for references, portfolios, and reviews to get a sense of their work and professionalism. Consider having an engagement photoshoot before the wedding to build trust and comfort with your photographer.

Final Thoughts

The decision to hire a photographer is a personal one, and there is no one-size-fits-all answer. Reflect on what matters most to you and your partner and make a choice that aligns with your values and budget.

Remember, while photos are important, they are not the only way to preserve memories. The love, laughter, and joy you share with your loved ones during your wedding will leave their own indelible marks on your hearts and minds.

Not eloping

If you're on the fence about whether to elope or not, it's important to consider all your options. While eloping may be a great choice for some, it's not for everyone. Here are some reasons why you might choose not to elope and have a more traditional wedding instead:

• You want a big celebration: If you're someone who loves to celebrate life's big moments with your loved ones, a traditional wedding might be the way to go. A wedding is a rare opportunity to bring together all your friends and family in one place, and many people cherish the memories made at these gatherings. As one person commented, "I've felt much the same way. Planning out the logistics and expenses very clearly so that the burden doesn't fall unduly on any one person will really, really help those feelings."
• You want to include more people: Elopements are typically very intimate affairs with only a handful of guests, if any. If you have a large circle of friends and family you want to include in your special day, a traditional wedding might be a better fit. As one person shared, "I wish I had invited more family. We wanted to keep it small (100) and we did, but it was 75% friends because inviting more family would make it too big."
• You want to follow traditions: Elopements are often non-traditional and allow you to create your own rules. However, if you have your heart set on certain wedding traditions like a father-daughter dance, a first dance as a married couple, or a big white dress, a traditional wedding might be a better choice. As one person commented, "I was planning on having my dad walk me down the aisle, a first dance. My mum was looking forward to making me a big, extravagant dress. I am the only daughter and weddings aren't common in my family."
• You want to avoid the stress of planning: While elopements can be less stressful than planning a large wedding, they still require some level of planning and coordination. If the idea of planning any kind of event gives you anxiety, a traditional wedding with the help of a wedding planner might be a better option. This way, you can still have the big celebration you want without the stress of organising every little detail yourself.
• You're worried about offending family: Eloping might be your dream, but you're concerned about how your family will react. If keeping family relationships harmonious is a priority, you might choose to have a more traditional wedding to avoid any potential conflict. As one person shared, "I know I would have regretted it if I didn't have the big wedding. I didn't want to feel like animals in a zoo to please everyone. Even with severely limiting the guest list, there were still like 60 to 70 people I didn't know that I didn't care to have there."
• You want to be a princess for a day: Let's face it, not everyone gets to be the centre of attention every day. A traditional wedding is one of those rare occasions when you can be the star of the show, with all your loved ones gathered to celebrate you and your partner. If this appeals to you, go for the big wedding! As one person commented, "I see a lot of threads where people say they regret having a big wedding and wish they had just gone to the courthouse or eloped. Does anyone ever feel the opposite? Did anyone decide to save money or cut the planning stress and then wish they'd gone for the full package?"

Not delegating tasks

Planning a wedding can be a stressful and time-consuming process. It is important to remember that your loved ones are probably just as excited as you are about the big day and would be more than happy to lend a helping hand. Here are some tasks that you can delegate to make the process more manageable:

Researching Wedding Suppliers

Asking for trusted recommendations from friends or family members can save you time when it comes to researching and selecting suppliers. If you have any loved ones with a special interest in a certain area, such as hair and makeup, flowers, photography, or food and drink, approach them for guidance. Provide them with your taste, style, and budget, and ask them to suggest a few options.

Deliveries, Pickups, and Errands

As your wedding day approaches, you will likely have a lot of errands to run, such as collecting your dress or suit, delivering goods to the venue, and picking up guests from the airport. Delegate these tasks to reliable friends or family members, providing them with a time, address, and contact number for each job.

Crafting and Assembling

If you are planning any DIY elements for your wedding, such as favours, welcome bags, or stamped envelopes, get a group of friends together to help. Make it a fun experience by blasting some music, popping open a bottle of champagne, or watching your favourite TV series.

Confirming Supplier Details

In the week leading up to your wedding, hand over your wedding timeline to a trusted friend or family member. They can give each supplier a quick call to confirm that everything is on track, giving you peace of mind and allowing you to relax before the big day.

Relocating Items on the Day

If you are planning to repurpose certain items, such as flowers, decor, or signage, between your ceremony and reception, be sure to outline this in your wedding timeline. Delegate this task to someone who won't be in your bridal party or family photos immediately after the ceremony, so they can ensure that everything is in the right place.

Making Final Payments

Prepare any cash payments in individual envelopes with the supplier name and amount, and ask a trusted friend or family member to handle the payments on the day.

Creating Your Playlist

Ask your guests for song suggestions via RSVPs or your wedding website, and get a friend to curate them into a playlist. This can be a fun task for someone who enjoys music and wants to be involved in your special day.

Rounding Up Guests for Family Photos

After the ceremony, your photographer will want to capture family photos. Ask a friend or family member who is familiar with your relatives to round them up and ensure that everyone is present for the photos. This will make the process smoother and ensure that no one is left out.

Remember, your friends and family are likely eager to help and be a part of your special day. Don't be afraid to ask for assistance and delegate tasks to make your wedding planning journey more enjoyable and stress-free.

Not wearing comfortable clothing

One of the most important aspects of your wedding day is that you feel comfortable and confident. It is a long day, and you want to be able to relax and enjoy it without being distracted by an outfit that is too tight, too hot, or too heavy.

Many brides regret not prioritising comfort when choosing their wedding outfit. For example, one bride said: My seamstress told me since [my dress] was strapless, I should have it tight so it would stay up. It was so uncomfortable. I could only eat a couple of bites of dinner and have a couple of sips of champagne before I had to stop due to it getting unbearably tight. Couldn't drink at all for the rest of the night, and felt like I couldn't 100% enjoy the dancing [because] all I was thinking about was getting back to the hotel and ripping the damn dress off."

Another bride said: My dress was beautiful but very fitted. I ended up so uncomfortable that I didn't dance much or eat/drink much, for that matter!"

It is also important to consider the weather and the location of your wedding when choosing your outfit. If you are getting married on a beach, you will want to wear something that can withstand an ocean breeze and will be comfortable in hot weather. If you are getting married in a natural setting, you might want to opt for a pair of cute flats instead of stilettos.

You should also consider wearing comfortable underwear and shoes. One bride said: If you know you’re a dancing fool and will be on the dance floor for hours, comfortable shoes are a must-have. Flats or wedges are always good options. If you want to wear heels, consider a shorter heel or a chunky style. If you think your heels will get uncomfortable, you can always pack a pair of flats or sandals for later on in the night."

Remember, you want to look back on your wedding day with fond memories, not regrets about your outfit.

Frequently asked questions