Wedding Invitation Etiquette: Addressing The Envelope

Wedding invitations can be a tricky task, especially when it comes to addressing them. The traditional way is to use an inner and outer envelope system, where the outer envelope is formal and addressed to the post office, and the inner envelope is more informal and addressed to the guests. The outer envelope should include the guests' full names and titles, such as Mr., Mrs., Ms., or Dr., and their home address. The inner envelope should include the names of the specific people invited, allowing the host to be clear about who is and isn't invited.

Addressing a married couple with the same last name

When addressing a wedding invitation to a married couple with the same last name, the outer envelope should include their titles and full names. For a heterosexual couple, the format is typically "Mr. and Mrs. [husband's first name] [shared last name]". For a same-sex couple, either name can go first. For example, "Mr. and Mrs. Thomas Warren" or "Mr. and Mrs. Samantha Warren".

If the couple may prefer a more modern approach, you can forgo titles and list their names separately. In this case, the person you are closest with can be listed first, or you can go in alphabetical order. For example, "Mr. Thomas Warren and Mrs. Michelle Warren".

The inner envelope is more informal. You can use titles with last names, first names only, or a combination of both. For example, "Mr. and Mrs. Warren", "Thomas and Michelle", or "Mr. Warren and Mrs. Warren".

Addressing a married couple with different last names

When addressing a wedding invitation to a married couple with different last names, there are a few options to consider. Here are some guidelines to help you navigate this etiquette:

Outer Envelope:

• The outer envelope is the more formal of the two envelopes and should include the recipient's full name and title.
• For a heterosexual couple, write their names on the same line with the woman's name first. If the combined names are too long to fit on one line, list them separately. The general format would be: "Ms. Maria Stevens and Mr. David Estevez".
• If you are unsure about the woman's preference regarding her name, it is best to ask beforehand to avoid any misunderstandings.
• In the case of same-sex couples, you can list the names in alphabetical order or choose to put the person you are closest with first.

Inner Envelope:

• The inner envelope is more informal, and you have the option to be more casual.
• You can address the couple as "Ms. [Last Name] and Mr. [Last Name]" or use their first names, e.g., "Maria and David".
• If you prefer to maintain formality, you can use the same format as the outer envelope but exclude the titles, e.g., "Ms. Stevens and Mr. Estevez".
• Avoid using only one person's name on the same line as the other person's, as it may appear that the other person is an afterthought.
• Always provide titles (Mr., Ms., Mrs.) when addressing adults.
• If the couple has children, and they are also invited to the wedding, include their names on the inner envelope without titles or last names, e.g., "Mr. and Mrs. David Estevez (outer envelope); Maria, David, Emma, and James (inner envelope)".

Remember, these are general guidelines, and you can adjust them based on your relationship and comfort level with the couple.

Addressing an unmarried couple

When addressing wedding invitations to unmarried couples, the wording can be tricky. Here are some guidelines to help you navigate this situation:

Unmarried Couple Living Together:

If the unmarried couple lives together, their names should be included on the same line of the outer envelope, with the person you are closest to listed first. If you are equally close to both, go in alphabetical order by last name. Here is an example:

"Ms. Rachel Green and Mr. Ross Geller"

Alternatively, you can list their names separately on two lines, with the woman's name first, as is appropriate for social correspondence. In this case, do not use a conjoining "and" as it signifies marriage. For example:

"Ms. Valerie Warrington

Mr. Brian Freeman"

Unmarried Couple Living Separately:

When an unmarried couple lives separately, it is ideal to send a separate invitation to each person. However, if you prefer to send only one invitation, address the outer envelope to the primary invited guest and include the significant other's name on the inner envelope.

Plus-One for an Unmarried Couple:

If you are offering a plus-one option for unmarried couples, it is important to learn the name of the significant other before sending out the invitations. You can do this by checking social media, asking mutual friends, or simply asking the guest directly. Avoid using "and guest" unless you are unable to obtain the name of the significant other.

Formality:

The level of formality in the addressing depends on the style of your wedding. For a casual wedding, such as a backyard barbecue or brunch in the park, you can be less formal and may choose to leave out titles or use only first names. For a more formal wedding, it is best to use titles and full names.

Addressing a single person

When addressing a wedding invitation to a single person, the proper prefix should be used.

For male guests, use "Mr." followed by their full name.

For female guests, use "Ms." followed by their full name.

For non-binary guests, use the abbreviation "Mx." followed by their full name.

If you are inviting a widowed woman, it is common to address the envelope with her married name, but it is best to ask for her preference. A divorced woman may use either "Mrs." or "Ms." depending on whether she uses her maiden or married name.

If your guest is a judge, use the term "The Honourable" before their full name. If they are a priest, use the term "Father" before their full name.

If you are inviting a single person with a professional title, such as "Doctor", "Reverend", "Judge", or "Colonel", traditional etiquette suggests that you spell out the title. For example, "Reverend James Porter". However, if you would like a more modern look or need to save space, you can use abbreviations, e.g. "Mr. James Porter, Jr.".

If you are inviting a single person with a plus-one, it is best to know the name of the guest they will bring. If not, simply include "and guest" or list just the invitee's name followed by "and guest". For example, "Mr. Tyler Morris & Guest" or "Mr. Zachary Morris and guest".

Addressing a family

When addressing a wedding invitation to a family, there are a few things to consider. Firstly, decide whether you want to be specific about which family members are invited. If you don't want to call out individual family members, you can simply address the envelope to the entire family, for example, "The Carter Family".

If you do want to specify which family members are invited, write the names of each family member in list form, beginning with the parents' names. For the outer envelope, you can use titles such as "Mr." and "Mrs." followed by the parents' full names, for example, "Mr. and Mrs. Homer Simpson". On the inner envelope, you can then list the first names of all invited family members, for example, "Homer, Marge, Bart, Miss Lisa, and Miss Maggie".

If you are inviting children under the age of 18, they should be included on the inner envelope only. Girls under the age of 18 can be addressed as "Miss", while boys under the age of 13 can be addressed as "Master". Boys aged 13 and above do not need a title.

If you are not inviting children to your wedding, you do not need to name them on the invitation. However, it is a good idea to mention on your wedding website that children are not invited to avoid any confusion.

When addressing the envelopes, use full names and avoid abbreviations to maintain formality. For married couples, you can list them together using "Mr." and "Mrs." followed by the husband's full name, for example, "Mr. and Mrs. Jackson Clarke". Alternatively, you can include both first names individually, for example, "Mr. Jackson Clarke and Mrs. Mary Clarke". For same-sex couples, use the appropriate prefixes, for example, "Mrs. Shyan Walton and Mrs. Kiara Walton".

For unmarried couples living together, list the full names of each guest on one or two lines, with the appropriate titles. Begin with the person you are closest to. For example, "Ms. Alysson Schulz and Mr. Ricardo Gonzales". If the couple does not live together, they should receive separate invitations.

Frequently asked questions