Wedding Invites: Waves Or All At Once?

Wedding planning can be a tricky business, especially when it comes to the guest list. It's not uncommon for couples to have to separate their guest list into an A-list and a B-list, and this is where the question of sending wedding invitations in waves comes in. There are a few schools of thought on the best way to do this, with some people suggesting sending the first wave of invites 10 to 12 weeks before the wedding, and the second wave 8 weeks before. Others suggest sending the first wave 5 months in advance and the second wave 3 months in advance, with different RSVP deadlines for each wave. Ultimately, the decision on how to navigate the guest list and sending invitations in waves is a personal one and will depend on the specific circumstances of the couple.

A-list and B-list

Wedding planning can be stressful, especially when it comes to creating a guest list. It's an art that requires prioritisation, and sometimes, a little creativity. This is where the idea of an A-list and B-list comes in.

The A-list is the non-negotiable list of guests you absolutely want at your wedding. These are the people closest to you, and not having them there would be disappointing. On the other hand, the B-list is for guests who are not as crucial to the day but would be nice to have if possible. This list often includes extended family, colleagues, or friends of your parents.

To avoid any potential faux pas, it's essential to make B-list decisions early. This gives you time to decide who goes on each list and plan the logistics of invitations and RSVPs. It's also a good idea to organise the B-list by priority, so you know who to invite first if spaces open up.

When sending out invitations, timing is crucial. Ideally, send A-list invites 12 weeks in advance with an RSVP deadline of eight weeks before the wedding. Once those RSVPs come in, send B-list invites with an RSVP deadline of four weeks. This strategy helps ensure that B-list guests don't feel like afterthoughts.

To make the process smoother, consider using digital RSVPs via your wedding website. This method is faster and more reliable than postal mail. Additionally, be gracious and honest if a guest finds out they were on the B-list. Explain that you had to stagger invitations due to restrictions, but you're happy they can attend.

Remember, the most important thing is to be considerate and flexible. Wedding planning is a complex task, and sometimes, adjustments are necessary.

RSVP deadlines

When sending out wedding invitations in waves, it is important to consider the RSVP deadlines for each wave. Here are some tips and suggestions to help you plan your wedding invitation waves effectively:

• Timing of the first wave: The first wave of invitations is typically sent out around 12 weeks before the wedding. This gives guests ample time to check their calendars and make travel arrangements if needed.
• RSVP deadline for the first wave: It is recommended to set the RSVP deadline for the first wave at around eight weeks before the wedding. This allows you to have a better idea of attendance numbers and gives you time to send out the second wave of invitations.
• Timing of the second wave: The second wave of invitations can be sent out immediately after the RSVP deadline for the first wave passes. This ensures that you can quickly fill any vacant spots with guests from your B-list.
• RSVP deadline for the second wave: The RSVP deadline for the second wave should be set at around three to four weeks before the wedding. This aligns with traditional etiquette and still gives you plenty of time to provide a final headcount to your venue and vendors.
• Managing multiple waves: If you have more than two waves, continue to set different RSVP deadlines for each wave. This will help you keep track of responses and send out subsequent waves in a timely manner.
• Following up with guests: Be prepared to follow up with guests, especially those from the first wave, as many people tend to wait until the last minute or need reminders to respond.
• Consistency in RSVP deadlines: Ensure that the RSVP deadline matches the timeline of the invitation wave. For example, if you send out the first wave 12 weeks before the wedding, set the RSVP deadline at eight weeks, giving guests a month to respond.
• Honesty with B-list guests: If guests inquire about their invitation status, it is advisable to be honest and let them know that their invitation depends on the space available. Most guests will understand the constraints of wedding planning and guest list management.
• Flexibility: Remember that your guests may have varying abilities to commit to your wedding, especially if they have work or family commitments. Be prepared to accommodate their needs as best as possible.
• Clear communication: Clearly communicate the RSVP deadlines on your invitation waves and provide multiple ways for guests to respond, such as online RSVP options or contact information for quick follow-ups.

By following these suggestions, you can effectively manage your RSVP deadlines when sending out wedding invitation waves. Remember to stay organized and adaptable throughout the process.

Invitation timing

The timing of sending out your wedding invitations is an important consideration when planning your big day. While there is no one-size-fits-all approach, there are some general guidelines and strategies that can help ensure a smooth process.

Firstly, it is recommended to send out invitations around 6 to 12 weeks before the wedding. This gives guests enough time to plan and RSVP, especially if they need to request time off work or make travel arrangements. Sending invitations too early may lead to guests forgetting about the event, while sending them too late may result in scheduling conflicts.

If you have a large number of guests, you may consider sending invitations in waves. This strategy can be useful if you are concerned about venue capacity or have a long guest list. By sending the first wave of invitations to close family and friends (often referred to as the "A-list"), you can gauge the attendance rate before sending the second wave (the "B-list") to additional guests. This approach allows for a more flexible and organised planning process.

When sending invitations in waves, it is crucial to set different RSVP deadlines for each wave. This ensures that you receive responses from the first wave in time to send out the second wave. Typically, the RSVP deadline for the first wave should be set for around 8 weeks before the wedding, with the second wave's deadline at about 3 to 4 weeks prior. This staggered approach helps to manage guest responses and provides an accurate final headcount for vendors.

It is important to note that sending invitations in waves requires careful planning and discretion. To avoid any potential awkwardness, ensure that your B-list guests do not feel like an afterthought. Try to be thoughtful and considerate when creating your guest list, and send out the second wave of invitations promptly after receiving declines from the first wave.

Additionally, it is recommended to have two sets of RSVP cards with different deadlines to match the waves of invitations. This ensures that guests from both waves have a clear understanding of when to respond and helps you keep track of responses more effectively.

By following these timing strategies and being mindful of your guests' needs, you can effectively manage your wedding invitations and create a well-organised celebration.

Guest list faux pas

• Making big announcements at someone else's wedding, such as wedding proposals, engagements, or pregnancies.
• Trying to outshine the bride by wearing white or a wedding-like dress.
• Making inappropriate jokes or speeches, especially those that include negative stories or past flings about the newlyweds.
• Not paying attention to your alcohol intake and becoming too intoxicated.
• Bringing a plus one without permission, or inviting controversial individuals such as ex-partners or estranged relatives.
• Dressing too casually or inappropriately for the occasion, venue, and season.
• Posting "live" videos or photos of the couple without their permission.
• Wearing message t-shirts or passing out flyers in support of a cause or political party.
• Not sending a gift for the new couple or getting a highly personal gift.
• Requesting a plus one after receiving an invite.
• RSVP'ing "Yes" and then not attending without letting the couple know.
• Buying a gift that isn't included on the couple's wish list.
• Bringing children to a no-kids wedding.
• Being late to the wedding ceremony or reception.
• Forgetting to silence your phone during the ceremony.
• Getting in the photographer's way during key moments by taking your own photos or videos.
• Giving unsolicited wedding advice.
• Getting too drunk at the reception.
• Being rude to the couple's vendors.
• Taking decor without explicit permission.
• Ignoring the dress code.
• Waiting until the last minute to share dietary restrictions.

Invitation waves and the venue

Sending out wedding invitations in waves is a great way to manage your guest list, especially if you have a large number of invitees or are dealing with venue capacity restrictions. Here are some tips for creating invitation waves and ensuring a smooth process for your big day:

• Plan and organise: Start by deciding if you need an A-list and a B-list for your guests. It is important to make this decision early on, so you have enough time to organise your lists and plan the invitation process. Create a clear hierarchy within your B-list, with the most important invitees at the top.
• Timing is key: According to etiquette, the RSVP deadline is typically around three weeks before the wedding, and invitations are usually sent out six to eight weeks in advance. However, if you are sending invitations in waves, you will need to adjust these timelines. Send your A-list invitations around 12 weeks in advance, giving you ample time to assess how many guests from the A-list will be attending before sending out the B-list invites.
• RSVP deadlines: It is recommended to have two different RSVP deadlines. The first wave of invites should have an earlier deadline, allowing you to chase up any non-responders and giving you a clearer idea of your numbers. The second wave of invites should have an RSVP deadline of around three weeks before the wedding, in line with traditional etiquette.
• Be mindful of the venue: When creating your guest list and planning the waves, always keep your venue's capacity in mind. You don't want to end up in a situation where you have invited more people than your venue can accommodate. It is generally recommended to invite well above your venue's minimum to account for potential declines.
• Consider sending "Save the Dates": If you are worried about your venue's capacity or want to give your guests a heads-up, consider sending Save the Dates to your B-list guests. This way, they are aware of the wedding date without receiving a formal invitation right away.
• Be cautious with B-list invites: When sending out the second wave of invitations, be mindful of the timing. Avoid sending invitations too close to the wedding date, as this may tip off your guests about the multiple guest lists. It is generally recommended to mail all B-list invites on the same day and choose a deadline for adding guests to this list.
• Follow up with guests: It is common for guests to miss RSVP deadlines or need reminders. Be prepared to follow up with your guests, especially those from the first wave, to ensure you receive their responses in time.
• Manage expectations: When dealing with multiple waves of invitations, it is essential to manage your expectations. Understand that you might encounter challenges with RSVPs, and some guests may change their minds or respond close to the deadline.

By following these tips, you can effectively manage your invitation waves and ensure a well-organised wedding venue that accommodates all your guests comfortably.

Frequently asked questions