Wedding Guest List Dilemma: Plus Ones And Partners

Deciding whether to invite someone's significant other to a wedding can be a tricky and confusing part of wedding planning. While it's ultimately up to the couple getting married, there are some general guidelines and considerations to keep in mind. Firstly, it is considered good etiquette to invite married, engaged, or long-term partners, even if you haven't met them. This is a way to respect and honour your guests' relationships. However, if a relationship is very new or complicated, you may choose not to invite the significant other, especially if you have budget or space constraints. It's also important to consider whether your guest knows other people at the wedding. If they don't know anyone, it's polite to invite their partner or offer a plus one so they have someone familiar to spend time with. Budget, venue capacity, and personal preferences also play a role in this decision. Ultimately, it's about balancing your wishes with those of your family and guests to create an enjoyable celebration for everyone.

If the couple is married

There are a few reasons why it is a good idea to invite both halves of a married couple to a wedding. Firstly, it is considered rude in many places to invite people to celebrate your relationship while ignoring theirs. Secondly, it is important to respect the couple's commitment to each other, even if they are not married. Thirdly, it is simply more practical to invite both halves of a married couple, as it avoids any potential drama or hard feelings. As one person commented, "You’re asking them to come to your wedding. The event [is] all about being a couple. Invite their SOs so they can be a couple at your wedding as well."

There are, however, a few exceptions to this rule. If the relationship is truly complicated or hard to manage, it may be acceptable to not invite the spouse. For example, if you are aware that the spouse might behave inappropriately, it may be better to not invite them and to communicate this to the other half of the couple. Additionally, if your wedding is very low-key or intimate, and you are primarily inviting close friends and family, it may not be necessary to invite the spouses of more distant relatives or acquaintances. Budget and space constraints may also be a factor in deciding whether to invite all spouses.

If the couple is living together

If a couple is living together, it is generally considered good etiquette to invite both members of the couple to the wedding. This is the case even if the couple is not married or engaged. Living together signifies a level of commitment that warrants inviting both partners. It is seen as disrespectful to the couple's relationship to only invite one half of the couple, as it implies that their relationship is not valid or serious enough.

However, there may be exceptions to this rule depending on certain factors. For example, if the couple has only been living together for a very short time, some people may feel that it is not necessary to invite the partner. Additionally, if there are budget or space constraints, it may not be possible to invite everyone's significant other. In such cases, it is generally recommended to at least invite the partners of those guests who will not know anyone else at the wedding, to make them feel more comfortable.

It is also worth noting that some people may have different opinions on this matter, and it ultimately comes down to the couple's personal preference and what they are comfortable with. If someone feels strongly that their partner should be invited to a wedding, they may choose to decline the invitation if their partner is not included. On the other hand, if someone is close friends with the couple getting married, they may be more understanding of any limitations and attend the wedding without their partner.

If the couple recently reunited

If a couple has recently reunited, it is generally recommended that you ask your friend how they would prefer the invitation to be addressed and whether they would like you to invite them and their partner. It is important to be sensitive to their situation, but also to get a clear answer by a certain deadline to avoid any confusion or last-minute changes. This approach allows you to respect your friend's wishes and make informed decisions about your guest list.

When it comes to inviting significant others, it is essential to consider the nature of the relationship and the level of commitment between the couple. If the recently reunited couple is married, engaged, or living together, it is generally expected that you invite them as a pair. Respecting their marital status or commitment to each other is an important aspect of wedding etiquette.

However, if the relationship is new or uncertain, you may have more flexibility. Some sources suggest that if a couple has been together for a significant amount of time (over a year, for example), they should be invited together. Others recommend considering each case individually, taking into account factors such as the guest's level of comfort and familiarity with other attendees. If your friend is recently reunited with their partner and you are unsure about the stability of their relationship, it might be wise to discuss it openly with your friend and make a decision together.

Remember, wedding planning can be a complex process, and it's normal to encounter challenges along the way. By staying organised, sensitive to others' needs, and true to your own values, you can navigate these situations effectively.

If the couple is divorced

Consider whether either of them has moved on and is in a new relationship. If so, you should think about the length of these new relationships and whether the new partners are engaged or likely to be soon. If one of your divorced friends is newly engaged, it is only right to invite their fiancé(e) to the wedding. Budget constraints may also be a factor here, and it is acceptable to explain that you would love to have them at your wedding but cannot include their partner.

If you are only close with one half of the divorced couple, you should only invite that person. If you are not close to either of them, you may choose not to invite either, especially if their presence will not add to your enjoyment of your wedding day.

If the guest won't know anyone at the wedding

If a guest won't know anyone at the wedding, it is generally considered polite to invite their significant other. This is to ensure that the guest feels comfortable and has someone to talk to during the event.

However, this is not a requirement, and there may be valid reasons for not inviting a significant other, such as budget constraints or a limited venue capacity. If you choose not to invite a significant other in this situation, it is important to communicate this decision to the guest as soon as possible and be understanding if they decide not to attend the wedding as a result.

It is worth noting that there are differing opinions on whether to invite significant others to a wedding, especially if the relationship is new. Some people argue that only serious or long-term relationships should warrant an invitation, while others believe that all committed couples should be invited, regardless of the length of their relationship. Ultimately, the decision is up to the couple getting married, and there is no one-size-fits-all answer.

When deciding whether to invite someone's significant other to a wedding, it is important to consider the guest's feelings and comfort level, as well as the practical constraints of the wedding. Communicating with guests and being transparent about any limitations can help to avoid hurt feelings or misunderstandings.

Frequently asked questions