Plus Ones At Weddings: To Invite Or Not?

Planning a wedding is stressful, and one of the most challenging aspects is deciding on the guest list. Couples often struggle with the question of whether to allow plus-ones, as it can impact their budget and venue capacity. While some couples choose to offer every guest a plus-one, others may decide to be more selective, considering factors such as the guest's relationship status, whether they will know other people at the wedding, and the available space and budget constraints. Ultimately, the decision is a personal one and should be made based on the couple's preferences and what they feel is best for their wedding.

Budgeting for extra guests

Be Mindful of the Costs

Every additional guest means extra expenses, from catering to rental chairs and decor. These costs can add up quickly, so it's essential to consider your budget when deciding on plus-ones. Evaluate your financial limitations and decide how many extra guests you can realistically accommodate.

Prioritize Certain Guest Categories

To narrow down your plus-one list, consider prioritizing certain categories of guests. For example:

• Married or Engaged Guests: It is generally considered polite to invite both parties in a married couple, even if you don't know one of them well. Engaged couples should also be treated as a package deal.
• Guests in Serious Relationships: If a guest is in a long-term or committed relationship, consider extending a plus-one. This could include couples who live together or have been together for a significant amount of time (e.g., over a year).
• Wedding Party Members: It is customary to offer plus-ones to members of the wedding party, such as bridesmaids and groomsmen, as a token of appreciation for their time and effort.
• Guests Who Won't Know Anyone: If you have guests who won't know anyone else at the wedding, such as a former coworker or a distant relative, it's courteous to offer them a plus-one to make them feel more comfortable.

Be Consistent

To avoid offending anyone, try to maintain consistency in your approach to plus-ones. For example, if you offer a plus-one to one friend's partner of six months, it might be a good idea to do the same for another friend in a similar situation. This helps to avoid the appearance of favouritism and reduces the risk of causing tension among your guests.

Communicate Clearly

When sending out invitations, be clear about who is invited. If a guest is offered a plus-one, include "and guest" or leave space for their partner's name on the envelope. If a plus-one is not offered, simply address the invitation to the invited guest only. This will help your guests understand your expectations and avoid any confusion or assumptions.

Be Flexible

Remember that plans can change, and be prepared for adjustments. Couples may break up, guests may have last-minute conflicts, or you might find some wiggle room in your budget. Be open to making changes to your guest list, including plus-ones, as needed.

Make Tough Decisions

If you're faced with a difficult decision, remember that it's your wedding, and you need to do what's right for you and your budget. If you can't accommodate all the plus-ones you'd like to, be honest and direct. Explain that it's due to budget or venue restrictions, and kindly express that their presence at your wedding is important to you.

In conclusion, budgeting for extra guests requires careful consideration of your finances, guest list, and priorities. By being mindful of costs, prioritizing certain guests, maintaining consistency, communicating clearly, and being flexible, you can navigate the complexities of inviting plus-ones to your wedding.

Who 'needs' a plus one?

Deciding who gets a plus-one at your wedding can be a tricky task. Here are some tips to help you figure out who needs one.

Married, Engaged, and Serious Couples

It is generally considered good etiquette to invite both parties in a married or engaged couple. It is also polite to extend the invitation to couples who are in a serious or long-term relationship, especially if they live together. If the couple has been together for a significant amount of time (over a year, for example), you may want to consider inviting them both, even if they are not living together.

Wedding Party Members

It is courteous to allow members of your wedding party, such as the maid of honour, best man, groomsmen, bridesmaids, and ushers, to bring a plus-one, even if they are single. This is a way to show your appreciation for their time, support, and effort in making your wedding day special.

Guests Who Won't Know Anyone

If you are inviting someone who won't know other guests at the wedding, such as a former coworker or a friend from long ago, it is considerate to offer them a plus-one. This will make the event less awkward and more enjoyable for them, especially if they are travelling a long distance to attend.

Guests Who Need Assistance

If you have guests who may need assistance or support during the wedding, such as an older guest or someone with a caregiver, it is thoughtful to allow them to bring a plus-one. This can ensure that they have a comfortable and pleasant experience during the event.

Close Family Members

The decision to offer plus-ones to close family members can be more flexible. Since they are likely to have other family members at the wedding, they may not need a built-in buddy. However, if a family member specifically requests a plus-one or if you feel it would enhance their experience, you may consider offering one.

Remember, there are no one-size-fits-all rules, and the decision ultimately depends on your budget, venue capacity, and personal preferences. Be consistent in your decisions, and communicate any restrictions clearly and politely to avoid misunderstandings or hurt feelings.

Etiquette for addressing invitations

Etiquette for Addressing Wedding Invitations

Deciding on your wedding guest list can be a tricky process, especially when it comes to plus-ones. Here are some tips and etiquette guidelines to help you navigate this delicate topic:

• Put your plus-one policy on your wedding website: It is a good idea to communicate your plus-one policy clearly on your wedding website. This way, guests can easily find the information and know what to expect. You can include a FAQ section on your website and address questions like "Can I bring a plus-one to the wedding?" or "Do I need to bring a date?"
• Address invitations properly: When addressing wedding invitations, it is important to be clear and specific. If a guest is invited with a plus-one, write both their names on the envelope, for example, "Mr. James R. Smith and guest." This lets the guest know that they are welcome to bring a date. If you don't know the name of their partner or they don't have one, you can simply write "Miss J. Smith and guest."
• Be consistent with your rules: Create a set of guidelines for who gets a plus-one and stick to them. This will help avoid any appearance of favouritism and reduce the risk of offending guests. For example, you may decide that only married or engaged couples get a plus-one, or that all members of the wedding party receive one.
• Consider the guest's relationship status: Generally, married, engaged, or long-term couples should be invited together. If a guest is in a serious relationship, even if they are not living together, consider extending a plus-one. Be consistent with this rule to avoid any drama.
• Think about who they know: If you have guests who won't know anyone else at the wedding, it is courteous to offer them a plus-one. This will make them feel more comfortable and ensure they have a pleasant experience.
• Be mindful of budget and space constraints: Budget and venue space are crucial factors when deciding on plus-ones. If you have a limited budget or a small venue, you may not be able to accommodate all guests with a plus-one. In this case, be selective and prioritize certain guests, such as close family and the wedding party.
• Handle requests gracefully: If a guest asks for a plus-one and you cannot accommodate their request, be polite and consistent in your response. You can say something like, "We wish we could allow everyone to bring a plus-one, but due to limitations, we are only able to offer this to wedding party members."
• Avoid the "no ring, no bring" mandate: While it may be tempting to use this rule as a guideline, it is not considered proper etiquette. Instead, focus on the seriousness of the relationship and the comfort of your guests.
• Get the names of plus-ones: Make an effort to find out the names of your guests' plus-ones and ensure they are correctly written on the save-the-date, invitation, and escort card. This shows attention to detail and is the polite thing to do.
• Be direct and honest: If any drama arises regarding plus-ones, it is best to be direct and honest. Explain your reasoning calmly, whether it is due to budget, venue restrictions, or personal preference.

Dealing with guest queries

As a couple, deciding who to invite to your wedding is a tricky task, and it's natural to want to please everyone. However, it's your special day, and you should not feel pressured to invite people you don't know.

If you are inviting guests who won't know anyone else at the wedding, it is courteous to offer them a plus-one. This includes people who are travelling a long distance to be there. It's also a nice gesture to offer a plus-one to your wedding party members, who have likely spent a lot of time and money to be there for you.

Married, engaged, and seriously committed couples should always be considered a package deal. It's polite to invite both parties, even if you don't know one of them well.

If you're inviting single people who will know other guests, they are probably okay to attend solo, especially if they are friends with others who will be there.

If you are working with a tight budget, be honest and direct. Explain that you would be honoured by their presence but that a plus-one won't be possible due to budget or venue restrictions.

To avoid confusion, be clear on the invitation if someone is invited with a plus-one. Write "and guest" or the name of their partner if you know it. If you don't know their partner's name, be sure to find out before ordering place cards.

If a guest assumes they have a plus-one or tries to add another name to their RSVP, you have a few options: you can call them to explain that you can't accommodate the additional guest, ask a family member to deliver the message, or simply allow the plus-one to attend.

Remember, it's important to be consistent with your decisions to avoid causing offence.

Seating arrangements

Know Your Guests

Firstly, it's important to know your guest list and their relationships with each other. This will help you seat guests together who know each other well or who are likely to get along. For example, seat friends or family members together, or put guests who have similar interests at the same table. This will help create a comfortable and enjoyable atmosphere for your guests.

Consider the Dynamics

When it comes to plus-ones, consider the social dynamics of your wedding. Try to seat plus-ones with their invited guest, especially if they won't know anyone else at the wedding. This will ensure they feel included and have someone familiar to talk to. If the plus-one is a date of a single guest, seating them together can provide an opportunity for them to get to know each other better.

Mix and Match

While it's important to seat guests with their plus-ones, you can also mix and match seating arrangements. For example, if you have a large table, you can seat couples and their plus-ones together, creating a more inclusive environment. This can be a great way to encourage conversation and interaction between guests who may not know each other.

Avoid the Singles Table

Avoid creating a singles table, as this can make single guests feel isolated or uncomfortable. Instead, seat single guests with other friends or guests they know, or give them the option to bring a plus-one so they have a familiar face at their table. This will help ensure all your guests feel welcomed and valued.

Be Flexible

Remember that seating arrangements don't have to be set in stone. Be prepared to make adjustments on the day of the wedding if needed. For example, if a guest arrives without their plus-one or if a plus-one doesn't show up, you may need to rearrange seating to fill any gaps. It's a good idea to have a backup plan or two in case of last-minute changes.

Communicate with Guests

If you're concerned about seating arrangements, don't be afraid to communicate with your guests. Ask them if they have any preferences or if they would like to be seated with certain people. This can help you create a seating plan that works for everyone and ensures your guests are comfortable.

Frequently asked questions