Wedding Invitation Etiquette: Man's Name First?

The order of names on a wedding invitation is a topic that sparks much debate. Traditionally, the bride's name is followed by the groom's full name. This is because the bride's parents are typically the hosts and financiers of the wedding. However, modern couples have more freedom to follow their preferences, especially if they are financing the wedding themselves or have divorced, remarried, or step-parents contributing to the expenses. In these cases, it is not uncommon to see the groom's name first, indicating that he is the head of the family or the main financier. For same-sex couples, there are no set rules, and they can choose to list names in alphabetical order, by age, or simply by how the couple is usually known. Ultimately, the most important thing is to ensure the invitation reflects the couple's style and relationship.

Same-sex couples: alphabetical order or personal preference

For same-sex couples, the traditional way of putting the bride's name first is not needed and often not wanted. As a result, same-sex couples have a few options for how to order their names on a wedding invitation.

One option is to place names in alphabetical order. This provides structure to the invitation and makes it easily readable. It's also a neutral way to write the invitation, avoiding any potential arguments about whose name goes first.

Another option is to choose the order based on personal preference. For example, you may usually refer to yourselves as a couple in a certain order, or one name may simply sound better before the other.

If the couple is married and has different last names, both names can go on the same line and be separated by "and". For example: "Mr. Charles Adams and Mr. John Green". If the couple has the same last name, the French plural form can be used, e.g. "Messrs. Charles and John Green". Alternatively, you could write "Mr. Charles Green and Mr. John Green".

If the couple isn't married, traditional etiquette suggests addressing each person individually on separate lines, just as you would for an unmarried opposite-sex couple.

Traditional wedding etiquette: bride's name first

Traditionally, wedding invitations are sent by the bride's parents, who also finance the wedding. This is why, in keeping with tradition, the bride's name typically comes first on the invitation. The first line, or host line, will usually read:

> Mr. and Mrs. [Father's Name] request the honour of your presence...

This is then followed by the bride's first and middle names and the groom's full name, including his last name. The bride's surname is not included as it is inferred from her parents' names. The invitation would read something like:

> Mr. and Mrs. John Smith cordially invite you to the marriage of their daughter, [Bride's first and middle names], to [Groom's full name]...

This approach is considered formal and traditional, and some may view it as old-fashioned. However, it is still commonly used, especially when the bride's parents are hosting and financing the wedding.

If the couple is hosting the wedding together with both sets of parents, a more modern and collaborative approach can be taken. The invitation can begin with a statement like:

> Together with their families, [Bride's name] and [Groom's name] request the pleasure of your company...

Even in this modern variation, the bride's name often comes first, influenced by traditional conventions and the idea of letting the lady go first.

While there is no definite rule, it is essential to consider everyone's preferences and ensure that all parties feel valued and included. Discussing ideas with the couple and their families can help avoid misunderstandings and create a cohesive invitation that reflects the style and dynamics of the couple and their families.

Modern wedding etiquette: groom's name first

When it comes to wedding invitation wording, the order of the names can hold a deeper meaning, so it's important to get it right. While traditional etiquette dictates that the bride's name appears first, followed by the groom's full name, modern couples have more freedom to follow their own preferences. This is especially true if the couple is hosting the wedding themselves, without the bride's parents' names mentioned on the invitation. In this case, it's not uncommon to see the groom's name listed first, indicating that he is the main host or financier of the wedding.

If you're considering putting the groom's name first, it's essential to communicate with everyone involved to avoid any misunderstandings or hurt feelings. This is a big day not just for the couple but also their families, so ensuring everyone feels valued and included is key.

For same-sex couples, the beauty is that there are no traditions to be bound by, and you can make your own rules. You can opt for alphabetical order or choose the order based on what sounds best. Alphabetical order provides a neutral approach and makes the invitation easily readable. On the other hand, you may be known as a couple in a certain order, and it may feel more natural to stick with that arrangement.

When deciding on the name order, consider the layout of the text on the invitation. The names may fit better in a particular order, and this can be a deciding factor if you're not tied to tradition. Remember, the key is not to overthink it. Go with what sounds right and looks good on the invitation. It's your big day, so do it your way!

• "Together with their families, [Groom's Name] and [Bride's Name] request the pleasure of your company..."
• "[Groom's Name] and [Bride's Name] invite you to celebrate their love."
• "Please join us for the wedding of [Groom's Name] and [Bride's Name]."

Collaborative wording: bride and groom's names with both sets of parents

Traditionally, the bride's parents are the hosts of the wedding and are named at the top of the invitation. However, it has become more common to include both sets of parents as hosts, which is a gracious option that acknowledges the contribution of all parents. This is especially relevant when both sides contribute financially to the wedding.

If the wedding is a collaborative event hosted and paid for by the couple and both sets of parents, you can use wording such as:

> "Together with their parents, [Bride's name] and [Groom's name] request the pleasure of your company..."

If you wish to include the names of parents, a more formal approach is to list the bride's parents' names first, followed by the groom's parents' names. For example:

> Mr. and Mrs. [Bride's Father's First Name] and [Bride's Mother's First Name] [Bride's Parents' Last Name]

>

> and

>

> Mr. and Mrs. [Groom's Father's First Name] and [Groom's Mother's First Name] [Groom's Parents' Last Name]

However, this can be adjusted based on preference and what looks best with the invitation design.

If the couple and both sets of parents are contributing, you can also use a line such as:

> "Together with their families"

Or:

> "Together with our families"

Or:

> "Together with their parents"

As the host line.

For same-sex couples, the traditional rule of the woman's name first does not apply. The order of names is based on preference, and you can choose alphabetical order or what sounds better.

> Mr. and Mrs. [Bride's Father's First Name] and [Bride's Mother's First Name] [Bride's Parents' Last Name]

>

> and

>

> Mr. and Mrs. [Groom's Father's First Name] and [Groom's Mother's First Name] [Groom's Parents' Last Name]

>

> invite you to celebrate the wedding of

>

> [Bride's First and Middle Names] and [Groom's Full Name]

>

> [Date and time]

>

> [Venue name and address]

>

> [Reception details]

>

> [Dress code]

Invitation design: what looks and fits best

When it comes to the design of your wedding invitations, you'll want to consider not only the aesthetic appeal but also the practicality of the layout. Here are some tips to help you create elegant and informative invitations:

Text Layout and Readability

Consider the overall layout of the text on the invitation. If you have a decorative border or other design elements, test out different name orders to see which arrangement fits best within the design. You want to ensure that the text is easy to read and that the names don't feel cramped or awkwardly spaced.

Consistency Across Stationery

Whatever name order you choose, try to maintain consistency throughout your wedding stationery. This includes not only the invitations but also other items such as the order of the day, table plan, and any other printed materials. This creates a cohesive look and feel for your wedding.

Personal Preference and Comfort

Ultimately, the decision of whose name comes first is a personal choice. Consider what feels comfortable for you and your partner. Sometimes, names simply sound better in a particular order. You may also want to think about how you are usually referred to as a couple by friends and family, and stick with that order.

Alphabetical Order for Same-Sex Couples

For same-sex couples, one simple solution is to arrange the names in alphabetical order. This provides a neutral and structured approach that avoids any potential arguments about whose name should come first. It also helps to define the order, especially if both names begin with the same letter (e.g., Jeff & John).

Traditional Etiquette

If you're adhering to traditional wedding etiquette, the bride's name typically comes first, followed by the groom's full name. This tradition stems from the custom of the bride's parents hosting and financing the wedding. However, modern couples often have more flexibility, especially if they are hosting the wedding themselves or sharing expenses with both sets of parents.

Collaborative Wording

When the wedding is a collaborative effort involving both sets of parents and the couple, you can use wording such as "Together with their families, [Bride's Name] and [Groom's Name] request the pleasure of your company..." Even in this modern variation, the bride's name often comes first, but it is not a strict rule.

Consider the Visual Impact

Remember, the invitation's design should reflect your personal style and the tone of your wedding. Consider the font styles, paper or cardstock quality, and any embellishments like ribbons or foil accents. Ensure that the design complements your wedding theme and colours.

Frequently asked questions