Addressing Wedding Invites: Numbering Etiquette

Wedding invitations are the first glimpse your guests will have of your big day, so it's important to get them right. While the etiquette for addressing and assembling invitations has become more relaxed, there are still some requirements and traditions to follow. For example, traditionally, no numerals would be present on an invitation, with dates and times written out in full. However, this has become less common, with numerals now often used in place of words. One tradition that has remained, however, is that addresses should be handwritten, with printed labels considered inappropriate. To avoid the stress of managing RSVPs, a useful tip is to put a little number on the back of your RSVP cards that corresponds to your own numbered guest list. This way, if a guest forgets to write their name, you can still identify who the RSVP is from.

Numbering RSVP cards

Numbering your RSVP cards is a great way to save yourself some stress when managing your wedding invitations. It is a good way to ensure you know who the card belongs to in case your guests forget to write their names on them.

To do this, you can number your guest list and place a corresponding small number on the back of each RSVP card. This way, if a guest fails to write their name on the RSVP card, you can still figure out whose card it is without having to hunt anyone down. For example, if you know that two people are coming and they both want the chicken, but you don't know their names, the number on the RSVP card will help you identify them.

There are a few ways to number your RSVP cards discreetly. One way is to use a pencil to write small numbers in a corner that guests are unlikely to notice. Alternatively, you can use invisible ink pens and UV light to write the numbers or your guests' names directly on the cards. This way, only you will know where to look for the invisible label. Another option is to use blacklight ink, which comes with a built-in light, to write initials or numbers on the cards.

It is also helpful to group the invitations when numbering them. For example, you can number RSVPs 1-20 for the groom's family, 21-40 for the bride's family, and so on. This way, you can quickly identify which group the returned card belongs to and manage your responses more efficiently.

How to count households

Counting the number of households when sending out wedding invitations is a crucial step in the planning process. Here are some tips on how to count households and ensure you have an accurate headcount for your big day:

Counting Households

Counting by the number of households is a more accurate approach than counting individual guests. This is because multiple guests from the same household will only need one invitation. For example, if a family of four lives under the same roof, you will only need to send one invitation to that household. This helps to reduce costs and avoid having too many extra invitations.

Guests Over the Age of 18

It is important to note that guests who are over the age of 18 and live in the same household as their parents or guardians should receive their own separate invitation. For instance, if you have invited a family with two parents and their 19-year-old son, you will need to send two invitations to that household.

Unmarried Couples Living Together

Unmarried couples living together will always receive one joint invitation, regardless of their age. This is a slight exception to the rule of sending individual invitations to guests over the age of 18.

Children and Young Adults

When addressing children and young adults under the age of 18 on the invitations, there are specific etiquettes to follow. For formal invitations, a boy under the age of 13 is addressed as "Master," while girls and young women under the age of 18 are addressed as "Miss." For informal invitations, the parents' first names are used, and the children's names are written without titles.

Ordering Extras

It is recommended to order at least 10-20 extra invitations to account for any last-minute additions to the guest list or lost invitations. These extras can also be kept as keepsakes for yourself, your family, and even your photographer to capture as part of your wedding story.

Ordering extra invitations

Ordering extra wedding invitations is a good idea for several reasons. Firstly, it is more expensive to print small quantities of stationery, and reprints are costly. Ordering extra invitations can also help you avoid the stress of running out of invitations if you need to resend an invitation, add guests to the list, or if some get lost in the mail. It is also a good idea to keep a few as keepsakes, and your photographer may want one or two to photograph at your wedding.

The number of extra invitations you should order depends on the size of your guest list. It is recommended that you count the number of households on your guest list, rather than the number of guests, as couples living together will receive one invitation. Once you have this number, it is generally advised to add 10-20 extra invitations to your total order. For example, if you have 100 guests, you may only need 50 invitations. Then, add 10-20 extras, so you would order between 60 and 70 invitations in total.

If you are hiring a calligrapher to address your invitations, it is a good idea to order extra envelopes in case of mistakes. You should ask for 15-20% more envelopes than the number of invitations you have ordered.

Addressing envelopes

Formality

The level of formality of your wedding will influence the style of addressing. For a formal, glamorous black-tie affair, a more traditional and elegant addressing style is usually used. This includes using formal names and titles, such as "Mr.", "Mrs.", "Miss", and "Master" for boys under 13. On the other hand, a casual, laid-back wedding may call for a more relaxed approach, using first names and a less formal tone.

Full Names and Titles

Write your guests' names and titles in full on the outer envelopes. Avoid using nicknames or initials. If you are unsure about including titles, you can opt to use only first and last names. Remember to double-check your attendees' preferred personal titles, especially if they have non-binary titles such as "Mx.".

Married and Unmarried Couples

For married couples, put their names on the same line, with the wife's name first if they have different last names. You can forgo titles and list their names separately. If one person has taken the other's last name, the invitation can reflect that. For unmarried couples living together, include both names on separate lines without using the word "and".

Families with Children

When addressing families with children, the outer envelope should only include the parents' names. List each child's name on the inner envelope, with boys under 13 referred to as "Master" and girls under 18 as "Miss". If you do not include children's names, it may imply that they are not invited.

Guests with Distinguished Titles

If your guest list includes people with distinguished titles, such as doctors, lawyers, judges, or military personnel, it is proper etiquette to address them by their title. For couples with distinguished titles, list the person with the higher-ranking title first.

Plus-ones

When inviting someone with a plus-one, try to find out the name and address of their date and send a separate invitation. If that's not possible, address the outer envelope to the primary guest, and the inner envelope can say "Ms. Jane Doe and Guest".

Return Address

The preferred place for the return address is on the envelope's back flap. Traditionally, this was done with blind embossing (colourless raised lettering), but most couples now print the return address in the same method as their invitations.

Timing

Give yourself enough time to finalize your guest list and address the invitations accurately. It is recommended to send out invitations six to eight weeks before the wedding.

Formatting addresses

The outer envelope should be formal. Write out the recipient's full name, including their personal title. This works for couples of all genders and is a safe option if you're unsure about their preferred titles. If you know your guests' preferred titles, you can use them, but always double-check beforehand. For instance, a non-binary guest may prefer the gender-neutral title "Mx."

For married couples with the same last name, use "Mr." and "Mrs." and spell out the husband's first and last name. For same-sex couples, either name can go first.

Outer envelope: "Mr. and Mrs. Thomas Warren"

Inner envelope: "Mr. and Mrs. Warren" or "Thomas and Michelle"

If the couple may prefer a more modern approach, write out both names.

Outer envelope: "Mr. Thomas Warren and Mrs. Michelle Warren"

Inner envelope: "Mr. Warren and Mrs. Warren" or "Thomas and Michelle"

For married couples with different last names, write their names on the same line with the person you're closest with first, or in alphabetical order if you're equally close to both.

Outer envelope: "Ms. Maria Stevens and Mr. David Estevez"

Inner envelope: "Ms. Stevens and Mr. Estevez" or "Maria and David"

For married couples with one hyphenated last name, write their names on the same line.

Outer envelope: "Mr. Marcus Craft and Mr. Brian Crosby-Craft"

Inner envelope: "Mr. Craft and Mr. Crosby-Craft" or "Marcus and Brian"

For unmarried couples living at the same address, write both names on one line, with the person you're closest with listed first, or alphabetical if you're equally close.

Outer envelope: "Mr. Stanley Kim and Ms. Amanda Rhee"

Inner envelope: "Mr. Kim and Ms. Rhee" or "Stanley and Amanda"

For single female guests, use "Ms." if she is over 18, and "Miss" if she is younger. Abbreviate to "M" or "Miss" only if there is no space.

Outer envelope: "Ms. Stephanie Chen" or "Miss Stephanie Chen" (if under 18)

Inner envelope: "Ms. Chen" or "Miss Chen" or "Stephanie"

If a single female guest has a plus one, you don't need to indicate this on the outer envelope.

Outer envelope: "Ms. Stephanie Chen"

Inner envelope: "Ms. Chen and guest" or "Stephanie and guest"

For single male guests, use "Mr." if he is over 18. Otherwise, no title is necessary.

Outer envelope: "Mr. James Montgomery"

Inner envelope: "Mr. Montgomery" or "James"

If a single male guest has a plus one, don't indicate this on the outer envelope.

Outer envelope: "Mr. James Montgomery"

Inner envelope: "Mr. Montgomery and guest" or "James and guest"

When addressing a married couple where one person is a doctor, spell out "Doctor" on the outer envelope and abbreviate on the inner envelope.

Outer envelope: "Doctor Tami Takata and Ms. Christina Smith"

Inner envelope: "Dr. Takata and Ms. Smith" or "Tami and Christina"

When addressing a married couple where both are doctors, use "The Doctors" on both envelopes.

Outer envelope: "The Doctors Smith" or "Drs. Matthew and Angela Smith"

Inner envelope: "The Doctors Smith" or "Matthew and Angela"

For couples with other distinguished titles (military, judges, lawyers, etc.), the same rules apply as for doctors. If one half of the couple "outranks" the other, they should be listed first, regardless of gender.

Outer envelope: "The Honorable Josephine Wood and Mr. Jonathan Wood" or "Captains Josephine and Jonathan Wood, US Navy"

Inner envelope: "Judge Wood and Mr. Wood" or "The Captains Wood"

When inviting an entire family, list only the family name or the parents' names on the outer envelope, and include the children's names on the inner envelope.

Outer envelope: "The Thompson Family" or "Mr. and Mrs. Alan Thompson" or "Mr. Alan Thompson and Mrs. Emily Thompson"

Inner envelope: "Alan, Emily, Roger, Chance, Miss Jennifer, and Miss Lily"

For a casual wedding, you may use first names only, or first and last names without titles, especially if the event is informal, like a backyard barbecue. However, it's best to use more formal wording for older or more conservative guests.

Frequently asked questions