Wedding Invitation Etiquette: Parents' Inclusion

Wedding invitation wording can be a tricky business. While the rules of wedding invitation etiquette are not that complicated, there are some important considerations to keep in mind. One question that often arises is whether or not to include parents' names on the invitation, and if so, how to do so appropriately. Traditionally, the bride's parents are the hosts of the wedding and are named at the top of the invitation, even for very formal affairs. However, times are changing, and nowadays, it is becoming more common for couples to host their own weddings or to do so together with both sets of parents. So, should parents be included on wedding invitations?

Including both sets of parents

Understanding the Traditional Structure

Traditionally, the bride's parents are mentioned first on the invitation, as they were typically expected to shoulder the wedding expenses. This structure remains popular, even as expectations and obligations surrounding wedding finances have evolved. Here is an example of traditional wording:

> "Mr. and Mrs. Anderson request the honour of your presence at the marriage of their daughter, Miley Rose, to Eric Liu, son of Mr. and Mrs. Liu."

Knowing the Hosts of Your Wedding

The host of your wedding is typically the person or people financially contributing the most to the event. While the bride's family has historically carried this responsibility, it is becoming increasingly common for both families to contribute equally or for the couple to pay for the wedding themselves. In such cases, you may want to include both sets of parents in the upper portion of the invitation, as follows:

> "Mr. and Mrs. Jerry White, along with Mr. and Mrs. Vincent Callows, request the honour of your presence at the marriage of Andrea Marie and Lucas Edward Callows."

Alternatively, you can use a phrase like:

> "Together with their parents, [Bride's name] and [Groom's name] request the pleasure of your company..."

Reflecting Your Family's Structure

It is important to reflect the unique structure of your family in the invitation wording. If your parents are divorced, separate their names with a line break:

> "Mrs. Riley Larson, along with Mr. Jonathan Larson, request the honour of your presence at the marriage of their daughter, Emily Elizabeth, to Mark Brown, son of Mr. and Mrs. Ronald Brown."

If your parents have remarried, you may want to include your step-parents by naming them individually or referring to them as your biological parents' spouses:

> "Mr. and Mrs. Nolan Andrews-Butler, along with Mr. Bruno Walters and his spouse, request the honour of your presence at the marriage of their daughter, Simone Louise, to Paul Lima, son of Mr. and Mrs. Jose Lima."

Honoring Deceased Parents

If you wish to honour a deceased parent, you can include phrases such as "the late" after their name:

> "Margaret Jane, daughter of Mr. Gianelli and the late Mrs. Gianelli, and Xavier Francis Stephens, son of Mr. and Mrs. Stephens, request the honour of your presence..."

Additional Tips

Before finalising the invitation wording, it is essential to consult with your parents and consider their insights and feelings, especially if you plan to include step-parents. Remember that the conjunction "and" between two names indicates that those individuals are married. When referring to divorced parents, separate their names with a line break instead.

Using full names and omitting titles like "Dr." or "Atty." maintains formality and sophistication. However, it is also common to use "Mr." or "Mrs." before the father's surname to refer to both parents. Always double-check the invitation for typos and errors, and consider having another member of your bridal party proofread it as well.

While wedding invitation etiquette can be complex, remember that your invitations should ultimately reflect your wedding day: a celebration of love and unity. Feel free to put your own twist on traditional etiquette and do what feels right for you and your partner.

Wording for divorced parents

If your parents are divorced, it is customary to list their names separately on the wedding invitation, with the mother's name always coming first. The mother's title can be either "Ms." or "Mrs.", but using "Ms." is recommended to eliminate any confusion. Here is an example:

> Ms. Sarah Smith

> Mr. John Smith

> request the pleasure of your company at the wedding of their daughter

If the mother is not remarried and has kept her married name, you can simply list her name followed by the father's name:

> Ms. Sarah Smith

> Mr. John Smith

> request the pleasure of your company at the wedding of their daughter

If the mother is remarried and has a different last name, it is appropriate to include the bride's last name to prevent confusion:

> Mr. and Mrs. Thomas Jones

> Mr. John Smith

> request the pleasure of your company at the wedding of their daughter

> Michael Alan Timmons

If both parents are divorced and remarried, include both sets of parents' names, keeping each parent on a separate line:

> Mr. and Mrs. Thomas Jones

> Mr. and Mrs. John Smith

> request the pleasure of your company at the wedding of their daughter

> Michael Alan Timmons

Remember to omit the "and" between the names of divorced parents. The "and" signifies marriage and is only used to unite married couples.

If one divorced parent is hosting the wedding with their new spouse, you can list them together, followed by the other parent's name on a separate line:

> Michelle & Timothy Wright

> request the pleasure of your company at the marriage of her daughter

> Elizabeth Ann Monroe

> son/daughter of Mr. John Monroe

If both divorced parents are jointly hosting the wedding, you can list them separately, followed by the wedding details:

> Mrs. Michelle Wright and Mr. John Monroe

> request the honor of your presence at the marriage of their daughter

> Elizabeth Ann Monroe

In all cases, be sure to include the bride's full name if she has a different last name from her parents to prevent any confusion.

Wording for remarried parents

If your parents are divorced and remarried, and you want to include both as hosts, you can include them all, keeping each parent on a separate line. If you're including the name of a stepparent, keep their name on the same line as their partner. It might seem complex, but all it requires is a few more lines. Here are some examples:

Bride with divorced (and remarried) parents:

> Dr. Vance and Elizabeth Gregory and Mr. James Abner and Lydia Abner and Mr. Harold and Jane Hyland invite you to the wedding of their children Amy Abner and Charles Hyland 01.06.18 | 4 p.m. Our Lady Queen of Angels Catholic Church Newport, California Reception immediately after

Divorced parent with a new spouse hosting:

> Michelle & Timothy Wright request the pleasure of your company at the marriage of her daughter Elizabeth Ann Monroe to Kevin Charles Black son of Barbara and Stanley Black

Divorced parents jointly hosting:

> Mrs. Michelle Wright and Mr. John Monroe request the honour of your presence at the marriage of their daughter Elizabeth Ann Monroe to Kevin Charles Black son of Mr. and Mrs. Stanley Black

If you are faced with two to four sets of remarried parents hosting the wedding, either list each couple on their own line or use the fallback "'Together with their families' to keep the invitation uncluttered.

If your parents are divorced and one has remarried, it is generally advised to list your natural parents' names only and on separate lines. If one parent has been remarried for a significant amount of time and the stepparent has played an important role in your life, it is appropriate to include that person's name on the same line as their spouse. Remember to always list the mother first.

Honouring a deceased parent

Planning Your Wedding

• Incorporate their favourite flowers into your bouquet or floral arrangements. This can be their favourite flower or their birth month flower.
• Wear a piece of their clothing or something they gifted you as your "something old" or "something borrowed". This could be a pocket square, a handkerchief, a piece of jewellery, or a watch.
• Add a patch or embroidery of their favourite item of clothing to your wedding attire. This could be a heart-shaped patch sewn onto your dress or suit, or a special message embroidered onto your veil, suit jacket, or dress.
• Wear their favourite scent to keep them close throughout the day.
• Display their photo in a small frame attached to your bouquet, or in your pocket, so they are with you as you walk down the aisle.

During the Ceremony

• Reserve a seat in the front row and decorate it with their photo, a bouquet of flowers, or a special sign.
• Light a memorial candle to symbolise their presence and their spirit shining brightly.
• Leave a chair open in the front rows to represent their presence and that they are looking down on you.
• Include a tribute in your ceremony program with a photo, poem, quote, or a simple "In Loving Memory" message.
• Ask the officiant to share a few words or read a tribute on your behalf if it feels too emotional for you.
• Carry a memento of theirs with you, such as their cufflinks, handkerchief, or an heirloom necklace.

During the Reception

• Play their favourite song during the reception or your first dance as a married couple.
• Share a toast or raise a glass in their honour, perhaps with their favourite drink.
• Give a speech or ask a member of the wedding party to share a few words and memories.
• Create a memory table with framed photos, sentimental objects, and keepsakes. You can also include a memory box where guests can write down their favourite memories.
• Display a special piece of art or a hand-illustrated portrait of your loved one.
• Play a commemorative presentation with slideshows and videos of your loved one.

The host of the wedding

If the bride's parents are hosting, the invitation might be worded as follows:

"Mr. and Mrs. Anderson request the honour of your presence at the marriage of their daughter, Miley Rose, to Eric Liu, son of Mr. and Mrs. Liu..."

If the couple is hosting, the invitation might say:

"Miley Rose Anderson and Eric Liu

Request the pleasure of your company

At their marriage

On Saturday the twelfth of September

Two thousand and twenty-six

At six o'clock in the evening

Bluxome Street Winery

San Francisco, California"

If the couple is hosting together with both sets of parents, the invitation could begin:

"Together with their parents, Miley Rose and Eric Liu request the pleasure of your company..."

If both sets of parents are hosting, you can put both sets of names before the couple's names, like this:

"Mr. and Mrs. Jerry White, along with Mr. and Mrs. Vincent Callows, request the honour of your presence at the marriage of Andrea Marie and Lucas Edward Callows..."

If one set of parents is hosting but you would still like to include the other set of parents' names, you can include a line such as "son of Mr. and Mrs. Liu". However, some people believe that if the other set of parents is not hosting, their names should not be included on the invitation.

Frequently asked questions