Best Man: Brotherly Love Or Best Friendship?

Choosing a best man is a significant decision, almost as important as the decision to get married. The best man is the groom's advisor, organizer, toastmaster, greeter, speechwriter, ring-keeper, moral support, confidant, and best friend. The groom should feel comfortable with whoever he chooses and know that this person will ease his anxieties. While it is common for the groom's brother to be the best man, it is not necessary. The groom can choose a friend or another family member, or even have two best men.

You don't have to choose your brother as your best man

It is not necessary to choose your brother as your best man. While it is a common choice, it is not a requirement. Your wedding is a personal affair, and you should choose someone who will make you feel comfortable and ease any anxieties. This person could be a friend, a man, a woman, a family member, or you could even decide to have no best man at all.

If you are worried about upsetting your brother, there are many other roles he can play in the wedding. You could have him as a groomsman, usher, driver, or even have him walk your grandparents down the aisle. You could also ask him to give a speech or a reading, or put his special skills to use, such as baking your wedding cake or designing your stationery.

If you have multiple brothers, you could even have them both as best men, dividing the duties between them. This could also work if you want to include a friend as well as a family member. Ultimately, it is your wedding, and you should choose whoever you feel is best suited to support you on your big day.

You can have two best men

If you're struggling to choose between your brother and your best friend for your wedding, why not have two best men? It's your wedding, so anything is open for consideration, and you can absolutely have both your brother and your best friend take on the role. This way, you don't have to choose between two equally important people in your life, and you can honour both relationships without feeling like you're sidelining anyone.

Having two best men can also help to alleviate some of the stress and responsibilities that come with the role, as they can work together to make sure everything runs smoothly. For example, one best man can be in charge of the bachelor party, while the other can handle the guest list, travel, or accommodation details. On the wedding day, one can keep the rings safe while the other oversees the groomsmen. If both are comfortable with public speaking, they can either give their own speech or split the speech.

To make the role of the two best men even more special, you can give them matching outfits or accessories, such as personalised cufflinks, matching ties, or special pocket squares. You can also give them shared responsibilities during the ceremony, such as one holding the rings while the other hands over the marriage license for signing.

However, having multiple best men can also come with challenges. It can be difficult to decide how to divide up the responsibilities and ensure clear communication between everyone involved. It's important to make sure that everyone is on the same page and aware of their duties.

Your brother can still be involved in your wedding

Ultimately, it's your wedding, so it's your decision. You can choose whoever you want to be your best man, whether it's your brother, your friend, a man, a woman, or you can opt to have no best man at all.

If you don't choose your brother to be your best man, there are still plenty of ways to involve him in your wedding. Here are some ideas to include your brother in your special day:

• Groomsman: Your brother can still play a significant role in the wedding party as a groomsman, even if you choose someone else to be your best man. You can give him the prime spot, immediately next to the best man.
• Usher: Your brother can greet guests, help them find their seats, and get them mingling at the reception. This role is especially useful for older relatives who will be delighted to see him.
• Grandparents' Escort: If you are including your grandparents in the processional, ask your brother to walk them down the aisle. He can hold your grandmother's arm, with your grandfather following closely behind.
• Reader: Your brother can do a reading during the ceremony, such as a Bible verse, a poem, or lines from your favourite song. If he has a knack for sentimentality, he can choose a reading that best represents your relationship.
• Ring Bearer: While this role often goes to younger children, it is still an honourable job. You can make it fun by asking your brother to be an adult version of 'ring security' or have him escort a younger ring bearer who might not be confident on their own.
• Surprise Confidant: Brothers can be great confidants, so include him in any surprises you have planned for your spouse-to-be or tricks up your sleeve for the reception. He can help you plan and keep your secret until it's time for the reveal.
• Speech-Giver: Your brother can give a speech and share fun stories from your childhood. If you're worried about him giving the same speech as another family member, communicate with them beforehand to ensure they don't overlap.
• Driver: If your brother has a nice car he'd like to show off, he can drive you from A to B on your wedding day.
• Officiant: If he's a great public speaker, your brother can be your non-legal celebrant.
• Baker/Crafter/Designer: If your brother has any special skills, such as graphic design or baking, you can put his talents to use by having him create your stationery or wedding cake.
• Handyman: If your brother is happy to help with general tasks, you can put him to work setting up the venue, making collections, or hanging decorations.

The best man's duties

The role of the best man comes with a lot of duties and responsibilities. The best man is the groom's right-hand man and is usually a close friend or relative. The best man is in charge of planning and organizing the bachelor party and serving as a point of contact for everyone on the groom's side. Here is a detailed list of duties that a best man should carry out:

Pre-Wedding Duties:

• Assist with outfit details: Help the groom and groomsmen with their wedding attire needs. This includes helping with final suit selections and putting together emergency kits with items such as extra cufflinks, shoe polish, or an extra tie.
• Organize the bachelor party: Plan and organize the bachelor party according to the groom's wishes. Consult with the groom and recruit the other groomsmen to help.
• Coordinate the groom's gift: If the groomsmen decide to get a gift for the groom, the best man leads the effort by collecting money and choosing the gift.
• Provide emotional support: Listen to the groom's complaints, confessions, and questions without judgment and reassure him that everything will be okay.
• Be present for the rehearsal: Attend the wedding rehearsal and help wrangle the wedding party to ensure the schedule moves along smoothly.

Wedding-Day Duties:

• Keep the groom and groomsmen on schedule: Ensure that everyone gets to the venue on time and help wrangle the groomsmen throughout the ceremony.
• Hold the wedding rings: Keep the wedding rings safe until it's time to exchange vows.
• Stand beside the groom at the altar: During the processional, the best man traditionally walks down the aisle after the groom and takes his place closest to the groom at the altar.
• Sign the marriage license: The best man and maid of honor usually sign the marriage license as witnesses.
• Act as an unofficial reception host: Welcome guests, help them find their seats, and ensure that everyone is having a good time.
• Give the best man speech: One of the most important duties is delivering a well-crafted speech during the reception, focusing on the newlyweds and their love story.
• Decorate the getaway car: Help coordinate and decorate the couple's getaway car after the reception.

Post-Wedding Duties:

• Tie up loose ends: Help with tasks such as tipping and paying vendors, transporting gifts to the couple's home, and returning any rented attire.
• Check-in with vendors: Ensure that all wedding-related expenses are handled and that there are no outstanding payments.

How to choose a best man

Choosing a best man is a big decision, and it can be tricky to know who to pick. Here are some things to consider when deciding on your best man.

Firstly, it's important to remember that there are no hard and fast rules about who you choose. It is entirely up to you whether you go for a friend or a family member, and there is no obligation to choose your brother just because he is your brother. You could even have two best men if you can't decide or want to include multiple people!

Think about the role of the best man and what that person needs to do. The best man should be someone you trust, who is reliable, organised, and able to commit to the role and its responsibilities. They should be able to provide moral support, keep you calm, and help with practical tasks like planning and organising the stag do. You might also want to consider choosing someone who is good at public speaking and can deliver a funny and engaging speech.

It's also worth thinking about how you can include your brother or best friend in other ways if they are not chosen as the best man. They could be a groomsman, give a speech or a reading, drive you to the wedding, be an usher, or perform another role that suits their skills and interests.

Ultimately, the decision is yours, and you should choose whoever you feel most comfortable with and who will help make your day special and run smoothly.

Frequently asked questions