Write It Right: The Etiquette Of 'And', 'Or', '&' On Wedding Envelopes

There are a few things to consider when deciding whether to use 'and', 'or' or '&' on a wedding envelope. Firstly, it is important to use the correct titles and full names of the invitees on the outer envelope, while the inner envelope can be more informal. For example, for a married couple, the outer envelope could be addressed to Mr. and Mrs. Hamilton or Mr. & Mrs. Carlos Hamilton, while the inner envelope could simply say C&M.

Another thing to keep in mind is whether the couple has the same surname. If they do, the traditional format is to write their names on the same line, e.g. Mr. and Mrs. Smith. If they have different surnames, the traditional format is to write their names on separate lines, e.g. Mr. Ed Parsons & Ms. Kara Morgan.

Finally, it is recommended to use the appropriate social titles (Mr., Mrs., Ms.) for a formal wedding. However, if you feel that these titles are restrictive and exclusive, you can choose to use only first and last names. Ultimately, the most important thing is to ensure that the guests' names are written clearly and accurately so that they feel welcome on your big day.

Formal vs. Informal: Formal on the outer envelope, informal on the inner envelope

When it comes to wedding invitations, there are a few different elements to consider in terms of formality. Firstly, the outer envelope should be formal and include the recipient's full name and title. For example, for a married couple with the same last name, the outer envelope could be addressed as "Mr. and Mrs. Thomas Warren".

The inner envelope, on the other hand, is more informal and allows for a more casual tone. For the same couple, the inner envelope could be addressed as "Mr. and Mrs. Warren" or "Thomas and Michelle". This gives the option to leave out one or two elements of the formal name format used on the outer envelope.

If you are inviting a single person, it is recommended to use their preferred title. For a single female over 18, "Ms." is appropriate, while "Miss" is used for those under 18. For a single male over 18, use "Mr." whereas no title is necessary for those under 18.

When inviting a family with young children, the outer envelope is reserved for the parent's names, while the inner envelope lists each child by name. For girls under 18, "Miss" can be used, while boys don't need a title until they are 16, when they can be addressed as "Mr.".

If you are inviting a married couple with different last names, their names can be written on the same line with the woman's name first. If the names are too long, they can be listed separately. For example, the outer envelope could be addressed as "Ms. Maria Stevens and Mr. David Estevez", while the inner envelope could be more informal, such as "Maria and David".

In summary, the outer envelope of a wedding invitation should be formal and follow traditional etiquette, while the inner envelope can be more casual and frequently incorporates first names. This allows for a more personalised touch while still maintaining the formality and elegance of a wedding invitation.

Married Couple: Write both names on the same line

When addressing a wedding invitation envelope to a married couple, there are a few different formats you can use. The traditional format is "Mr. and Mrs. [Husband's first name] [Shared surname]". For example, "Mr. and Mrs. John Rivera". If the couple has different last names, you can write their names on the same line, with the person you are closest with first, or in alphabetical order if you are equally close with them. For example, "Ms. Celine Elgin and Ms. Jacqueline Purcell".

If you would like to use a more contemporary style, you can simply write their first and last names, such as "James & Charlotte". If the couple has different last names, you can write "Hannah Beaumont & Nathan Brown".

It is also acceptable to address the envelope with their first names only, for example, "Celine and Jacqueline".

Unmarried Couple: Write each name on a separate line

When addressing an envelope to an unmarried couple, there are a few things to keep in mind. Firstly, it is important to write their names independently on two lines and without using the word "and" in between. This is the secret cue that they are not married. For example, you would write:

Mr. R. Stuart Holden

Ms. Amanda Rhee

When writing the names on separate lines, the general rule is to list the person you are closest to first. However, if you are equally close to both guests, you can list their names alphabetically by last name. It is also important to use the correct titles when addressing an envelope to an unmarried couple. If you are unsure about a person's preferred title, it is generally safe to use "Mr." for men and "Ms." for women, regardless of their marital status.

In addition, when addressing an envelope to an unmarried couple living at the same address, you should include both names on one line, listing the person you are closest to first. If you know the couple equally well, you can add their names in alphabetical order. For example:

Mr. Benjamin Clarke & Ms. Sophie Westbourne

Or

Ben & Sophie

When it comes to contemporary styles, you may choose to use only the first and last names of the couple, dropping the titles. This approach is especially suitable for less formal weddings. For instance, you could write:

Benjamin Clarke & Sophie Westbourne

Or

Ben & Sophie

Remember, the key difference in addressing envelopes to unmarried couples is to write their names on separate lines without using "and," indicating that they are not married.

Single Person: Address to the person you know, with their name or and guest inside

When addressing a wedding invitation envelope to a single person with a plus-one, the outer envelope should only be addressed with the name of the person you know. The invitation itself can include their name and "and guest".

Traditional:

Ms. Sophie Westbourne or Sophie Westbourne

Contemporary:

Sophie Westbourne

If you are sending an invitation to a single person without a plus-one, the outer envelope can simply be addressed with their name, and the inner envelope can be more informal, perhaps using only their first name or a nickname.

Traditional:

Outer envelope: Ms. Ali Johnson

Inner envelope: Ms. Johnson

Contemporary:

Outer envelope: Ali Johnson

Inner envelope: Ali

It is also worth noting that if you are sending an invitation to a single person who has a distinguished title, such as a doctor, military personnel, or a lawyer, it is proper etiquette to address them by that title on the envelope.

Traditional:

Doctor Jessica Nichols

Contemporary:

Dr. Wordsworth

When addressing wedding invitation envelopes, it is important to use the person's preferred title. If you are unsure, it is better to forgo the title altogether. Additionally, the names of your wedding guests should be written in full on the envelope, while only the given name should be used on the invitation itself.

Finally, if you are sending an invitation to a single person who you know is in a relationship, it is recommended to include both names on the outer envelope, or to use the format "Mr./Mx./Ms. [Name] and Guest" on the inner envelope.

Outer envelope:

Mr. Aaron Triguiero

Mr. Gabriel Reyes

Inner envelope:

Mr. Triguiero

Mr. Reyes

Remember, these are just guidelines, and you can ultimately choose to address the envelopes in a way that feels most comfortable and appropriate for you and your wedding.

Titles: Use titles like Dr. or Professor before the name

When addressing wedding invitations, it's important to consider titles and how to use them correctly. Here are some guidelines to help you navigate this aspect of your wedding preparations:

• For guests with distinguished titles, such as doctors, lawyers, judges, or military personnel, it is proper etiquette to use their title when addressing the envelope.
• If you are inviting a married couple where one person has a distinguished title, list the guest with the professional title first. For example, "Dr. Tami Takata and Ms. Christina Smith" or "Lieutenant Jonathan Kelly, US Navy, and Mrs. Jane Kelly".
• If both guests have special titles of equal rank, you can list their names alphabetically. For instance, "Captains Jane and Jonathan Kelly, US Navy".
• When addressing a married couple where both partners are doctors, it is appropriate to use "The Doctors" followed by their surname, such as "The Doctors Smith".
• If one of the spouses has chosen to hyphenate their last name, ensure you include the hyphenated form of their surname. For example, "Dr. Matthew Smith and Dr. Angela Griggs-Smith".
• For unmarried couples, use the appropriate titles for each individual. For instance, "Mr. Stanley Kim and Ms. Amanda Rhee".
• When addressing a single female, use "Ms." if she is over 18, and "Miss" if she is younger. For example, "Ms. Stephanie Chen" or "Miss Stephanie Chen".
• For a single male, use "Mr." if he is over 18; otherwise, no title is necessary. An example would be "Mr. James Montgomery".
• If you are unsure about a guest's preferred title, it is best to play it safe by omitting the title altogether and using only their name.

Contemporary vs. Traditional Styles:

• While the traditional style uses titles like "Mr.", "Mrs.", "Ms.", and "Miss", a contemporary approach might involve using only the guests' names without titles.
• For a married couple, the traditional style would be "Mr. and Mrs. Smith" or "Mr. and Mrs. James Smith". A contemporary version could be "James and Charlotte".
• For a married couple where the wife has kept her maiden name, the traditional format is "Mrs. H Beaumont & Mr. N Brown", while a contemporary version could be "Hannah Beaumont & Nathan Brown".
• In the case of unmarried couples, the traditional style is "Mr. Benjamin Clarke & Ms. Sophie Westbourne", whereas a contemporary approach might be "Ben & Sophie".

Final Tips:

• Always double-check each attendee's preferred titles and names beforehand.
• When in doubt, opt for a more formal approach, especially for older or more conservative guests.
• Remember to use full names (given and surname) on the envelope, while only the given name can be used on the invitation itself.

Happy addressing!

Frequently asked questions