Wedding Dates: Deciding The D-Day In India

Indian weddings are known for their vibrant, cultural events that can last several days. The wedding day itself is a beautiful celebration of marriage and Indian culture, with many rituals and ceremonies. One of the most important aspects of an Indian wedding is the engagement, or Mangni, which is often a large and celebratory event with rituals, vows, and the exchange of rings. During the engagement, the wedding date is typically decided and announced, and in recent times, the duration between the engagement and wedding has been reduced, with six to eight months being considered the perfect duration for an engagement. This period allows the couple to interact and get to know each other better, especially in the case of arranged marriages.

The Mangni (northern India) or Nischitartham (southern India) ceremony

The Mangni (in northern India) or Nischitartham (in southern India) ceremony is the closest thing to a Western engagement party in Indian culture. It is a large and celebratory event where several rituals are performed, and a formal commitment is made between the two people getting engaged. The families of the couple meet to perform rituals and make the engagement official.

During the Mangni/Nischitartham, the groom's father asks the bride's father for permission to proceed with the wedding. The couple then becomes formally engaged through the wagdaan ritual, which is akin to a Western engagement ceremony. The ritual is performed differently within each family but most often includes an exchange of vows and a commitment with a ring to signify the engagement. The Lagna Patrika is also read during the ceremony, which is when the bride and groom exchange a written vow to one another that the wedding will take place at a later date and time. Typically, the date and time proposed during this ceremony will be the one printed on the invitations. The Lagna Patrika is read out loud by a pandit (Hindu priest) in front of all the family members, and signatures from both families are received and documented for legal purposes.

The Mangni/Nischitartham is also when the groom's family welcomes the bride's family into their home. The bride's family visits the groom's family with various gifts, sweets, and dry fruits. The groom's sister puts a fine, long scarf around the groom's neck, which he then holds open on his lap when the bride's family presents him with gifts. The bride is also wrapped in a chunni (stole), which could be a family heirloom. The bride's father then applies tikka on his future son-in-law's forehead and blesses him. In return, the groom's family presents the bride's family with baskets of various dry fruits, and the bride with jewellery. A small dot of mehndi is then applied to the bride's hand to signify good luck. The ceremony ends with the exchange of rings between the couple.

The Wagdaan ritual

During the Wagdaan ceremony, the couple also participates in the lagna patrika, where they exchange a written vow to one another, stating that the wedding will take place at a later date and time. A pandit (Hindu priest) is often present during this exchange to write down the details of the marriage, including the names of the engaged couple, their family members, and the proposed date and time of the wedding.

Together, the Wagdaan and lagna patrika are considered a formal announcement of the wedding, which typically takes place months later. This ritual is a significant step in the Hindu wedding process, as it formally engages the couple and unites their families.

The Lagna Patrika ritual

During the Lagna Patrika ritual, the bride and groom exchange a written vow to one another, committing to the wedding taking place at a later date and time. This date and time are typically printed on the invitations. A pandit (Hindu priest) is often present to write down the details of the marriage, including the names of the engaged couple, their family members, and the proposed date and time of the wedding. This is usually done with a red pen.

In the past, the wedding invitation cards were distributed by the Kudimagan, a citizen who represents either the bride or the groom's family and extends the invitation on their behalf. The Kudimagan would also tell the number of people expected to attend from the invited families. In modern times, however, this tradition has changed, and wedding invites are now sent by courier, post, email, or phone call. Only close relatives and friends are personally handed wedding cards.

The Tilak ceremony

The ceremony begins with a small hawan or pooja, where a priest chants mantras to seek blessings. The bride's father then applies tilak, a mark of auspiciousness, on the groom's forehead using kumkum, a red vermillion. This act symbolises the father's approval of the groom as his future son-in-law. The bride's brother also applies tilak to the groom, presenting him with gifts like clothes, flowers, fruits, sweets and money. The other male members of the bride's family follow suit, performing the same ritual to show their acceptance of the groom.

After the ceremony, the groom's family sends gifts of sugar, coconut, rice, clothes, jewellery and henna to the bride and her family. The Tilak ceremony is significant as it marks the first step in strengthening the bond between the two families.

The Mehndi ceremony

The colour of the mehndi is also significant. Tradition says that the deeper the colour of the bride's mehndi, the happier the couple's marriage will be. The darkness of the stain is also sometimes associated with the depth of the groom's love for the bride. The intricate designs often contain the groom's name, providing an opportunity for him to locate it, serving as an icebreaker in arranged marriages.

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