Planning A Malay Wedding: A Step-By-Step Guide For Couples

Planning a Malay wedding can be a complex process, with many rituals and traditions to consider. From the proposal to the betrothal gifts, wedding biscuits, and tea ceremony, there are many elements to organise. It's important to know what kind of wedding you want, whether that's a traditional or more modern celebration. You may also want to hire a wedding planner to help with the details, such as decorations, flowers, and the bridal room. On the day itself, you'll want to ensure you have a detailed schedule and that everyone involved knows their responsibilities.

Malay wedding rituals

On the day itself, the couple will be busy getting dressed and being present for the ceremonies, so it's important to detail a schedule and allocate responsibilities to those helping.

The Malay tradition is quite flexible, so feel free to change or remove anything you deem unnecessary for your wedding day.

Wedding attire and accessories

Malay wedding attire and accessories are an important part of the wedding planning process. The couple will go through Islamic Pre-wedding Preparation and Marriage Application, and the bride and groom will be busy getting dressed and being present for the ceremonies on the big day.

The groom will need to rent or buy a traditional Malay outfit, which typically includes a long-sleeved shirt, a sarong, and a songkok hat. The bride will need to rent or buy a traditional Malay wedding dress, which is usually a long-sleeved, floor-length gown with a high neckline and intricate embroidery. She will also need to wear a tudung, which is a headscarf, and carry a bouquet of flowers.

Both the bride and groom can also choose to wear traditional Malay jewellery, such as a kerongsang, which is a brooch used to fasten the bride's dress, and a cincin, which is a wedding ring. Other accessories include a hand bouquet and a hand-held fan for the bride, and a songkok pin and a pocket square for the groom.

It is also important to consider the henna or 'inai' for the night before the wedding. This is a traditional part of Malay wedding culture and can be a beautiful addition to the bride's overall look.

Wedding day schedule

On the day of the wedding, the couple will be busy getting dressed and taking part in the ceremonies, so it's important to detail a schedule and allocate responsibilities to those helping you. Here is a suggested schedule for a Malay wedding:

The day before the wedding, the couple will go through the Islamic Pre-wedding Preparation and Marriage Application, and the henna or 'inai' ceremony.

On the wedding day, the couple will take part in the 'Pick the bride' door games, the Tea Ceremony, and the Hair Dressing Ritual. The wedding reception, or Kenduri, will take place, and the couple will be enthroned (Bersanding).

The wedding day schedule should also include time for the couple to take part in the Malay wedding rituals of Merisik (Visit and observe), Meminang (Proposal), Bertunang (Engagement), Adat Berinai, and Akad Nikah (Ijab & Kabul/ Offer & Acceptance).

It is important to note that the Malay tradition is flexible, so feel free to change or remove any elements that are not necessary for your wedding day.

Wedding rings

Malay wedding rituals are Merisik (Visit and observe), Meminang (Proposal), Bertunang (Engagement), Adat Berinai, Akad Nikah (Ijab & Kabul/ Offer & Acceptance), Bersanding (Enthronement) and Kenduri (Wedding Reception).

During the Merisik ritual, the man sends a delegation to the woman's house to inquire about her marital status. There is a specific type of ring that is popular during this ritual, known as the "cincin belah rotan". This ring is made of 916 gold and has a simple design. It is also known as the indicative ring, symbolising that the woman has accepted the man's proposal.

During the engagement ceremony, the man will give another ring to his fiancée, which is usually more expensive and elaborate than the "merisik" ring. This ring symbolises that she will become his wife.

In Malay culture, wedding rings are perceived as a gift from the groom to the bride and vice versa. This is in contrast to Western culture, where wedding rings are seen as a symbol of one's marital status. The design of wedding rings in Malaysia is influenced by the country's history of colonisation and immigration from India and China.

When planning a Malay wedding, it is important to consider the type of wedding ring you want. You can either conduct detailed research on how to buy the most value-for-money diamond and ring setting online, custom-make one according to your specifications from a local jeweller, or choose a ready-made ring from a jewellery retail chain.

Wedding reception

Malay wedding receptions, or *Kenduri*, typically start around 11 am and finish around 4-5 pm, although some may last until 8-10 pm. Guests usually stay for an average of 2-3 hours.

The reception usually features a buffet line with lots of food and desserts, as well as free seating tables, unless it's a formal dinner with a specific seating plan. Some receptions even have photo booths and karaoke machines.

The reception starts with the groom's procession of friends, relatives, musicians (kompang band), carrying trays of hantaran (gifts) and people waving bunga manggar (palm blossom) to meet the bride. The couple will sit on a pelamin (dais) where family members, relatives and guests congratulate, bless and take pictures with them.

If you are the couple getting married, you won't be around to run the programme on the day. You will be busy getting dressed and being present for the ceremonies. Therefore, it is important to detail a schedule for the day, allocate responsibilities, and brief the people helping you.

Frequently asked questions