George Boyle
Wedding vows are promises exchanged between partners during a wedding ceremony. They are based on Western Christian norms, but they are not universal to marriage or even within Christian marriage. Couples from various religions and views incorporate traditional elements such as pledging to have and to hold, for better or for worse, in sickness and in health, and till death do us part. While traditional wedding vows tend to follow a specific structure, self-written vows can take on any format and include any content.
| Characteristics | Values |
|---|---|
| Wedding vows | Promises each partner in a couple makes to the other during a wedding ceremony |
| Origin | Based on Western Christian norms |
| Not universal | Not universal to marriage, not necessary in most legal jurisdictions, and not universal within Christian marriage |
| Traditional vows | "I, [name], take thee, [name], to be my wedded husband/wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part, according to God's holy ordinance; and thereto I pledge myself to you." |
| Variations | Couples often prefer to write personal vows that reflect their unique culture, religion, and values |
| Self-written vows | Can take on any format and include any content |
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What You'll Learn
Wedding vows are not universal
The wedding vows practised in most English-speaking countries derive from the Sarum rite of medieval England. The oldest traditional wedding vows can be traced back to the manuals of the medieval Church of England. In 1549, the Church of England published the first Book of Common Prayer, basing its marriage service primarily on the Sarum manual.
However, couples from various religions and views may incorporate elements of these traditional vows into their ceremonies. For example, traditional Christian weddings usually include the well-known vows:
> I, [name], take thee, [name], to be my wedded wife/husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part, according to God's holy ordinance; and thereto I pledge myself to you.
Traditional Muslim wedding vows, on the other hand, include the following lines:
> Bride: I, [name], offer you myself in marriage in accordance with the instructions of the Holy Quran and the Holy Prophet, peace and blessing be upon him. I pledge, in honesty and with sincerity, to be for you an obedient and faithful wife.
> Groom: I pledge, in honesty and sincerity, to be for you a faithful and helpful husband.
Couples may also choose to write their own vows, incorporating personal stories, humour, and unique promises. For example, one set of vows reads:
> Joshua, as we both know, in the area of marriage, I used to come from doubt. Now I come from hope. I used to come from fear, and now I come from love. Thank you for the reminder of the Lord's faithfulness to me.
Whether traditional or self-written, wedding vows are a serious, lifelong commitment made in front of witnesses.
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Vows are a serious, lifelong commitment
The wedding vows practised in most English-speaking countries derive from the Sarum rite of medieval England. The oldest wedding vows can be traced back to the manuals of the medieval Church of England. The first recorded marriage vows were in a prayer book from 1549. Wedding vows marked a significant shift in how society viewed marriage. Before that time, most cultures saw marriage as an agreement or political arrangement rather than a bond of love.
The official vows cover all the things we hope for from a good marriage, and they are legally binding, so they cannot be changed. However, couples can add their own personal touches, such as including poetry or an extract from a book. While traditional wedding vows tend to follow a specific structure, self-written promises can take on any format and include any content.
Traditional wedding vows have two main elements: your intent and consent. The well-known line "I [name] take thee, [name] to be my wedded husband/wife" is not compulsory, but the vow's purpose should be declared at the start. Consent has been a crucial part of legal weddings since the 11th century, and this is where the traditional "I do" comes from.
Vows can be adjusted to your personal beliefs, values, and relationship. They can be romantic, funny, or inspiring. They can also be simple, such as "I call you 'My Megan' because you are my everything. You are my light, and you've shown me more love than I've ever known." They can also be more complex, such as "Gabriel, you came into my life at exactly the right time: When I wasn't ready, and yet, when I needed your love the most... I love you dearly for all that you are... As your wife, I promise to love you with the same determination and confidence you've given me. I vow to support you through more ups and downs."
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Couples can choose to write their own
While traditional wedding vows tend to follow a specific structure, couples can choose to write their own. Self-written vows can take any format and include any content the couple sees fit.
Monique Honaman, a wedding officiant, author, and speaker, recommends that couples mention "I love you" in their vows. Most wedding vows mention sticking by one another through good times and bad. Honaman suggests that couples communicate their intention to get through challenging periods together. Recounting romantic stories, sharing humorous anecdotes, or recalling how the couple overcame difficult times can make the ceremony more interesting and moving for everyone in attendance.
Honaman also recommends acknowledging the role that loved ones have played in enhancing the couple's relationship and calling on them for additional support in the future.
Couples can also choose to incorporate elements of traditional vows without any religious or cultural connections. For example, "I, [name], take thee, [name], to be my husband/wife. To have and to hold, in sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer, and I promise my love to you forevermore."
Some examples of simple wedding vows that have a big impact include:
> "I call you 'My Megan' because you are my everything. You are my light, and you've shown me more love than I've ever known." — Ronnie
> "I, Daniela, take you, Megan, to be my wife, my best friend, and partner. I will work to create a bond of honesty, respect, acceptance, and gratitude; one that withstands the tides of time and changes and grows along with us." — Daniela
> “I take you to be my partner for life. I promise, above all else, to live in truth with you and to communicate fully and fearlessly. I give you my hand and my heart as a sanctuary of warmth and peace and pledge my love, devotion, faith, and honor as I join my life to yours.” — Anne
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Vows are a declaration of love
Wedding vows are a declaration of love and a serious, lifelong commitment made in front of many witnesses. They are not universal to marriage and are not necessary in most legal jurisdictions. However, they are a chance to publicly declare your love and commitment to your partner. While traditional vows tend to follow a specific structure, self-written vows can take on any format and include any content the couple sees fit.
Self-written vows can be even more personalised, allowing couples to infuse them with their unique stories, values, and expressions of love. For instance, one person's vows might begin with: "Gabriel, you came into my life at exactly the right time: When I wasn't ready, and yet, when I needed your love the most". Another might say: "I call you 'My Megan' because you are my everything. You are my light, and you've shown me more love than I've ever known".
Vows are also a declaration of love because they are an opportunity to involve friends and family in the couple's commitment to one another. By making these promises in front of loved ones, the couple acknowledges the role these individuals have played in enhancing their relationship and invites them to continue providing guidance and support throughout their marriage.
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Traditional vows have been the highlight of ceremonies for centuries
Traditional wedding vows have been the highlight of wedding ceremonies for centuries. They are a public declaration of love and lifelong commitment in front of family and friends. While traditional vows have a specific structure, modern couples often prefer to write personalised vows that reflect their unique culture, religion, and values.
The oldest traditional wedding vows can be traced back to the manuals of the medieval Church of England. The first recorded marriage vows were in a prayer book from 1549, marking a shift in how society viewed marriage. Before that, most cultures saw marriage as a political arrangement rather than a romantic bond. The wedding vows practised in most English-speaking countries are derived from the Sarum Rite of medieval England.
Traditional vows typically include a declaration of intent and consent. The well-known line "I, [name], take thee, [name], to be my wedded husband/wife/spouse" is often used to declare the intent to marry, though it can be adjusted to fit personal preferences. Consent, a crucial part of legal weddings since the 11th century, is usually incorporated through the traditional "I do" or other phrases emphasising willingness to marry.
Christian weddings often use vows that cover all aspects of a good marriage, such as pledging to stay together "for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part." These vows are legally binding and cannot be changed, though some couples add personal touches with additional readings, poetry, or extracts from books. Muslim wedding vows include pledges of obedience to the Holy Quran and the Holy Prophet, while Pagan and Wiccan vows omit references to God.
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Frequently asked questions
Wedding vows are promises each partner in a couple makes to the other during a wedding ceremony. They are based on Western Christian norms and are not universal to marriage or necessary in most legal jurisdictions.
Traditional wedding vows have been the highlight of wedding ceremonies for centuries. They are a public declaration of love in front of friends and family and are usually religious.
Some examples of traditional wedding vows include:
- "I, ___, take thee, ___, to be my husband/wife. To have and to hold, in sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer, and I promise my love to you forevermore."
- "I, ___, take you, ___, to be my husband/wife. To share the good times and hard times side by side. I humbly give you my hand and my heart and pledge my faith and love to you."
- "I, ____, take you, ____, to be my lawfully wedded spouse, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part."
Yes, you can write your own wedding vows. While traditional wedding vows tend to follow a specific structure, your self-written promises can take on any format and include any content you like.
Your personal wedding vows should include your intent and consent. You can include concrete promises, funny stories, romantic anecdotes, or anything else you like.
