Wedding Guest List: Who Gets A Plus One?

When it comes to weddings, there are many things to consider, and one of the most important is the guest list. It's natural to want to share your special day with the people you love, but it can be tricky to decide who to invite, especially when it comes to significant others. On one hand, you may want to keep the wedding intimate and only invite close friends and family. On the other hand, you don't want to leave anyone out and risk hurting feelings. So, what's the etiquette on inviting significant others to your wedding?

What is a 'plus one' and how does it differ from a 'significant other'?

When it comes to weddings, the guest list can be a tricky part of the planning process. One of the challenges is determining whether guests are allowed to bring a "plus one". A "plus one" is a guest of the invitee's choosing and can be a romantic date, a sibling, a parent, or a friend. On the other hand, a significant other is a person with whom the invitee is in a relationship with, such as a spouse, fiancé(e), girlfriend, boyfriend, or life partner.

The major difference between the two is that significant others must be invited, whereas hosts are not obligated to offer guests the option to bring a plus one. When sending out invitations, it is important to address both parties in a couple by name. If a guest is single and is offered a plus one, the invitation can be addressed to the guest "and Guest".

As a guest, it is important to understand that not everyone will be offered a plus one due to budget and venue constraints. If you are unsure whether you have been offered a plus one, refer to the invitation. If it is not explicitly stated, it is best to assume that you have not been given a plus one. It is also considered rude to ask the hosts to bring a plus one if you have not been offered one.

In summary, a "plus one" is a guest of the invitee's choosing, whereas a significant other is a person with whom the invitee is in a romantic relationship. Hosts are required to invite significant others but are not obligated to offer plus ones. As a guest, it is important to respect the hosts' wishes and not assume you have been offered a plus one unless explicitly stated.

When is it okay to invite a guest without their significant other?

When it comes to weddings, there are many nuances to consider when creating a guest list. One of the toughest issues pertaining to the guest list is plus-one etiquette, or whether to invite a guest to the wedding without their spouse or significant other. While customs may vary across different regions and cultures, here are some general guidelines and considerations to help you navigate this delicate matter:

Married Couples

According to wedding etiquette, if you want to invite someone who is married, it is considered good manners to invite them as a couple. This is regardless of whether you know their spouse well or not. Their marriage takes precedence over your experience with the spouse. It is recommended to address the invitation to both of them by name and expect them to attend together.

Couples Living Together

If you want to invite someone who is not married but is living with their partner, this situation can be a bit more complex. Wedding etiquette experts recommend that the live-in partner should always be invited out of respect for their cohabitation and commitment to each other. However, if there are limited budget constraints or if your friend is not serious about the relationship, you may consider not inviting the live-in partner.

Recently Reconciled Couples

If your friend has recently reconciled with their ex or gotten back together after a separation, it is advisable to ask your friend how they would like the invitation to be addressed. Explain that you want to be sensitive to their situation but also need a clear answer by a specific deadline to accommodate your planning schedule.

Divorced Couples

If you are genuinely friends with both individuals who are going through a divorce, you may consider inviting them both as long as it won't create chaos or conflict at the wedding. However, if one or both of them are in new relationships, you may need to make some decisions. If budget constraints are a factor, you can politely explain that you would love to have them at your wedding but cannot include their new significant other.

Serious and Long-Term Relationships

If the couple has been together for a significant amount of time (typically considered to be at least six months to a year), it is generally considered respectful to invite them as a couple. This acknowledges and validates their commitment to each other. However, if you don't know the significant other well and have limited space or budget constraints, you may consider not inviting them, especially if your friend knows other guests at the wedding.

New or Casual Relationships

If your friend has recently started dating someone new or is in a casual relationship, you may choose not to invite the significant other, especially if your friend knows other guests at the wedding. However, if your friend doesn't know anyone else at the wedding, it might be considerate to allow a plus-one to make them feel more comfortable.

Guest Comfort and Enjoyment

Consider the comfort and enjoyment of your guests. If a guest doesn't know anyone else at the wedding, allowing a plus-one can make them feel less awkward and provide company during the event. Additionally, if your friend is going through a difficult breakup, it might be a nice gesture to allow them to bring a plus-one for support.

Safety and Behaviour Concerns

In certain situations, you may have valid concerns about the behaviour or safety of a particular guest's significant other. If you are aware that the significant other might behave inappropriately or pose a threat to you or other guests, it is reasonable to not invite them. However, it is important to communicate this decision to the partner who is receiving the invite, being honest and sensitive at the same time.

Remember, these are general guidelines, and each situation may vary based on your relationship with the guests, the nature of their relationships, and your own personal judgment. It is essential to use your discretion and be respectful of your guests' relationships while also considering your budget and space constraints.

What if the couple has recently reunited?

If the couple has recently reunited, it is best to ask your friend how they would like the invitation to be addressed and whether they would like you to invite them and their partner. It is important to be sensitive to their situation, but also be clear about any deadlines you may have for receiving their response. This approach allows you to respect their relationship and avoid any potential misunderstandings or hurt feelings.

When it comes to plus-one etiquette, it is generally considered rude to invite only one-half of a couple, especially if they are married, engaged, or living together. By inviting both partners, you are recognising and respecting their relationship. However, if there are serious issues with one-half of the couple, such as concerns about inappropriate behaviour, it may be appropriate to exclude them and communicate this decision to the partner who is still invited.

In some cases, you may not be aware of your guest's relationship status. It is advisable to make an effort to find out if they are in a relationship and include their partner in the invitation. This can be done by directly asking the guest or by checking social media or mutual friends. If you are unable to obtain this information, it is better to send an invitation addressed only to the guest rather than assuming they have a plus-one.

Ultimately, the decision of whether to invite significant others rests with the couple getting married. If budget constraints or venue limitations are a factor, it may be necessary to prioritise certain guests and their partners over others. However, it is important to be consistent in your approach and ensure that all guests are treated fairly.

What if the couple is divorced?

If the couple is divorced, the situation becomes more complex. If you are still close friends with both individuals, it is acceptable to invite them both. However, if their divorce was bitter and having them in the same room might cause conflict, you will need to make a difficult decision. Consider the nature of their post-divorce relationships and whether either or both of them are now with a new partner. If one or both are engaged or in a serious relationship, it is only right to invite their new partner to the wedding.

If budget constraints are an issue, you may politely explain that you would love to have them at your wedding but cannot include their significant other. It is important to remember that not inviting a significant other can be seen as a judgement on the validity of the relationship. Thus, it is essential to handle the situation with sensitivity and respect for their relationship.

If you genuinely dislike one of your divorced friends and do not want to invite them, it is better not to invite the other friend as well to avoid causing hurt feelings. However, if you desperately want to invite one of them, you should talk to that person and be prepared for the possibility that they may decline the invitation due to their ex-partner's absence.

Ultimately, use your best judgment and try to put yourself in their shoes to make a decision that considers everyone's feelings and comfort.

What if I don't know my guest's significant other?

If you don't know your guest's significant other, it is still important to invite them. It is considered rude not to, and you risk offending your guest by implying that you don't consider their relationship valid or serious. It is also important to address the invitation to them by name, rather than writing "and Guest", which can feel dismissive of their relationship.

If you are unsure whether your guest is in a relationship, make an effort to find out. You can ask them directly, check social media, or ask mutual friends and family. It is better to ask than to assume they are single.

If you truly have no idea whether your guest is in a relationship, you can either send an invitation addressed just to them, or address it to them and a guest. If you choose the latter, be aware that your guest can bring anyone they want, even if they are in a relationship.

If your guest is single, it is not necessary to offer them a plus one, but it is a nice gesture, especially if they are travelling from out of town or won't know many people at the wedding.

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