Replying To A Japanese Wedding Invitation: Etiquette And Tips

If you've been invited to a Japanese wedding, you might be wondering how to respond. Here's a guide on how to reply to a Japanese wedding invitation enthusiastically and politely.

Firstly, it is considered enthusiastic and polite to respond promptly, within a week of receiving the invitation. If you live outside Japan, you can reply by email, especially if you will be sending a physical response by mail, to let the couple know it's on the way.

When writing your response, use a black pen and avoid punctuation, which is regarded as bad luck in Japanese weddings. On the front side of the postcard, cross out the '行 (to)' or '宛 (for)' under the name and add '様 (honorific suffix)'. Circle 'will attend' and put a double line through the '御 (honorific suffix)' before '御出席 (will attend)、御欠席 (will not attend)、御住所 (address)、御芳名 (name)'.

If you are attending, it is customary to add a cheerful message such as 'Congratulations', 'I will attend', or 'Looking forward to your wedding'. Don't forget to include your address and name. If you are not attending, it is considered proper etiquette to respond immediately and include a congratulatory message and the reason for your absence.

For those invited, it is customary to give 'goshuugi' or gift money, in a congratulatory envelope.

When to reply

When replying to a Japanese wedding invitation, it is important to be mindful of the timing. Ideally, you should respond within a week of receiving the invitation, even if you are only planning to attend one part of the celebration, such as the ceremony or reception. Sending a prompt reply is considerate, as it allows the couple to finalise arrangements, including seating and meal preparations.

If you live outside of Japan, you can reply by email, especially if you plan to send your response by post. In this case, it is thoughtful to send an email first, expressing your intention to attend. For example, you could write, "I just put your invitation in the mailbox. I'm looking forward to attending your ceremony."

If you are unable to attend, it is customary to respond within one to two weeks of receiving the invitation. This slight delay demonstrates that you made an effort to rearrange your schedule but were ultimately unable to do so.

If you are uncertain about your attendance, it is polite to inform the couple via email or phone, providing a timeframe for when you will be able to give them a definitive answer.

In summary, when replying to a Japanese wedding invitation, aim to respond promptly, within one to two weeks, depending on your attendance. If you live overseas, a combination of email and postal replies is appropriate, ensuring your response reaches the couple in good time.

How to reply

If you receive a Japanese wedding invitation, it is considered good etiquette to respond within a week. If you live outside Japan, you can reply by email, or, if you wish to reply physically, you should send an email first to let the couple know that you have posted your response.

If you are attending, you should circle or tick the 'will attend' option on the reply slip, and add a cheerful message such as 'Congratulations', 'I will definitely attend' or 'Looking forward to your wedding'. It is also customary to include your address and name. If you are attending, a formal invitation will be sent to you at a later date.

If you are unable to attend, it is considered polite to respond immediately by telephone or email. You should circle or tick the 'will not attend' option, and be sure to include a congratulatory message and the reason for your absence. It is considered impolite to respond only by telephone or email, so be sure to send the invitation card back.

If you are unsure whether you will be able to attend, you can inform the couple via email or phone, and let them know when you will be able to give them a final answer.

When writing your reply, there are a few things to keep in mind. Firstly, it is considered bad luck to use punctuation, so avoid full stops and commas. Secondly, you should write with a black pen, and use a ruler to draw a double line through any mistakes.

What to wear

If you've been invited to a Japanese wedding, you might be wondering what to wear. Here are some tips to help you dress appropriately for the occasion:

For Men:

Men usually wear suits to weddings in Japan, with a tie or a bow tie. It is important to avoid wearing a black tie, as this is reserved for funerals. A chic black, grey, or navy suit is typical, and it is best to choose a white shirt. The colour of the tie doesn't matter, as long as it is not black. Remember to style your hair neatly and trim your eyebrows.

For Women:

Women typically wear dresses to Japanese weddings, but a suit is also acceptable. The main rule is to choose an outfit that covers your knees and shoulders and avoid a low neckline. Avoid wearing white, as this is the bride's exclusive right. Black is also not recommended since it reminds people of Buddhist memorial services. If you decide to wear a dress, a formal one-piece dress that is knee-length is a good option. For shoes, avoid those that show your toes, and opt for smaller heels instead of large ones or flats. If you have long hair, it is best to pin it up to avoid appearing too casual.

General Tips:

• Avoid wearing anything too flashy. The couple will go out of their way to make sure the bride stands out, so avoid wearing anything that might draw attention away from her.
• If you are attending a traditional Shinto wedding, you may wear a formal kimono if you know how to wear one properly.
• If the wedding is during the winter months and indoors, bring a big coat, as you will likely be able to store it in the cloakroom.

What to gift

In Japanese culture, wedding gifts traditionally come in the form of money, known as goshugi. This is placed in a special envelope called a goshugibukuro or shugi-bukuro, which is decorated with gold and silver paper cord. The amount of money given is not fixed, but it is usually around 30,000 yen (approximately $300) for a friend, 50,000 yen (approximately $500) for a boss or teacher, and 50,000 to 100,000 yen (approximately $1000) for a relative. It is considered taboo to give an amount that is divisible by two, as this implies the idea of being split.

If you are attending a traditional wedding, only close family members will offer gifts to the spouses. These gifts are usually given during the official reception called Hiroen. If you are not part of the immediate family, you will be invited to the second part of the wedding, Nijikai, and it is customary to offer money.

If you are attending a secular or Western-style wedding, it is still considered good form to offer money in a shugi-bukuro. However, the less formal nature of the ceremony may allow you to offer a small, more personalised gift, such as a souvenir from your country of origin. It is important not to give a gift that is too expensive, as this may cause embarrassment for the bride and groom.

Some unique and authentic Japanese wedding gift ideas include:

• Bride and groom Kokeshi Doll sets
• Japanese tea sets
• Japanese incense sets
• Japanese wine glasses
• Japanese tea pots
• Japanese vases
• Japanese kimonos
• Japanese cards with wedding-themed kanji

What to say

When replying to a Japanese wedding invitation, it is important to follow certain traditions and customs. Here is a guide on what to say when replying:

When You Will Be Attending

It is considered good etiquette to respond within one week of receiving the invitation. If you live outside of Japan, you can reply by email, especially if the physical invitation will take some time to reach the couple. In this case, you can send an email first, saying something like, "I just put your invitation in the mailbox. I'm looking forward to attending your ceremony."

When filling out the formal invitation reply card, use a black pen and avoid any punctuation as it is regarded as bad luck in the context of marriage. Cross out any respectful words for yourself, such as "ご" (go), which is an honorific.

If there is a message box on the invitation, be sure to include a congratulatory message to the couple. Here are some examples:

• "ご結婚おめでとうございます 喜んで出席させていただきます" ("Congratulations on your marriage. I will be delighted to attend.")
• "ご結婚おめでとうございます お二人の晴れ姿を楽しみにしています" ("Congratulations on your wedding. We are looking forward to seeing you both on your big day!")

If you are attending without a plus one, you can mention this in your message:

"ご結婚おめでとうございます あいにく所用のため披露宴の時間までいることができませんが 挙式にはぜひ出席させていただきます お二人の晴れ姿を楽しみにしています" ("Congratulations on your wedding. Unfortunately, I can't be there for the reception due to other commitments. But I will definitely be there for the wedding ceremony. I'm looking forward to seeing you two on your big day!")

When You Will Not Be Attending

If you are unable to attend the wedding, it is considered polite to respond within one to two weeks of receiving the invitation. You can reply by email or telephone, but do not respond solely by telephone or email as it is considered impolite.

When filling out the formal invitation reply card, follow the same instructions as above. Circle or indicate "will not attend" and be sure to include a congratulatory message. Here is an example:

"ご結婚おめでとうございます 残念ではありますが やむを得ない事情により欠席させていただきます お二人の幸せを心よりお祈り申し上げます" ("Congratulations on your wedding. I deeply regret to inform you that I will be unable to attend due to unavoidable reasons. I sincerely wish you both all the happiness in the world.")

Even if you cannot attend, it is customary to send a monetary gift, called "goshuugi", to the couple to congratulate them and thank them for the invitation.

Frequently asked questions