Big Fat Wedding Or A Simple Affair: What Does Islam Prefer?

In Islam, it is haram to have a big wedding. Extravagance and show are despised by Allah Ta'ala, and there is no precept in Islam for spending large sums of money on weddings. The Prophet Muhammad did not have big, extravagant weddings, nor did he encourage the sahaba to have such huge occasions. These are innovations that have been shamelessly adopted from non-Muslims.

Instead, the walima, or wedding feast, is a sunnah that is admirable to celebrate. There are guidelines for this feast, too. In addition to one's friends and family, the poor and indigent should be invited to partake in the feast. One should spend according to one's means and not incur debts in the process.

There are many haram actions that are commonly associated with weddings. For example, it is haram for a woman to go to a male, non-mahram hairdresser to have her hair done, or to adorn herself in ways that are haram, such as thinning her eyebrows by plucking them, or wearing tattoos or hair extensions. It is also haram for a man to shave his beard for the wedding night or to let his clothes hang below the ankle.

Other haram actions at weddings include the mixing of men and women, taking pictures, drinking alcohol or eating pork, the husband coming in to where the women are to take his wife, and women wearing revealing, tight, or short clothes.

Extravagance in weddings is haram

Islam encourages Muslims to adopt a middle way and moderation in their spending. This principle applies to all aspects of life, including weddings. While it is prescribed to express happiness and joy during wedding celebrations, extravagance and unnecessary spending are considered haram.

The Problem of Extravagance

The scholars urge Muslims to avoid extravagance in weddings, as it can complicate the issue of marriage and increase the number of young women who remain unmarried. Extravagance is also considered a waste of money and can lead to a loss of blessings.

The Prophet's Example

Muslims are encouraged to follow the example of Prophet Muhammad, who did not have big extravagant weddings nor encourage the Sahaba to do so. Adopting such innovations is considered shameful and contrary to the teachings of Islam.

Guidelines for Weddings

• Avoid imitating non-Muslims in dress, as this can lead to unnecessary expenses and reveal too much of a woman's body.
• Avoid mixing of men and women, including greeting, shaking hands, and dancing together.
• Avoid taking pictures, as this is considered haram.
• Do not serve alcohol or pork at the wedding feast.
• Ensure the husband does not enter the women's area to take his wife.
• Women should wear modest clothing that is not revealing, tight, or short, especially in the presence of men.
• Avoid spending extravagantly or showing off, as this may wipe out blessings.
• Avoid exchanging rings, as this imitates the customs of non-Muslims.

The Walima

The Walima, or wedding feast, is a Sunnah and should be celebrated with moderation. In addition to friends and family, the poor and indigent should be invited. Spending should be according to one's means, without incurring debts.

By following these guidelines and avoiding extravagance, Muslims can ensure their marriages are blessed with love and harmony and are aligned with the teachings of Islam.

Separation of men and women at weddings

Separating the genders at weddings allows guests to feel free while also upholding tradition and modesty. It is seen as a "time out" from the usual mixing of the sexes, allowing men and women to socialise without observing the rules of gender relationships and giving both sets of genders a sense of freedom.

In some cultures, such as South Asian weddings, there is a tradition of the groom being processed and presented to his bride during a baraat, while in Arab weddings, it is usually the bride who is presented to the groom during a zaffe.

While separation of the sexes at weddings is a common practice in Islam, it is not a requirement, and the decision to separate or not is ultimately up to the couple and their families.

Clothing and appearance at weddings

For Women:

Modesty is a key principle for Muslim women's clothing, and this extends to wedding attire as well. Women are generally expected to cover their hair, arms, neck, and legs and avoid tight or sheer clothing. A hijab, a headscarf worn by some Muslim women, can be incorporated into the wedding outfit to achieve this modesty. The hijab style may vary based on culture and personal preference, ranging from simple to ornate, with headpieces, jewels, and stones. It is recommended that the hijab fabric complements the dress, especially if the dress is traditional white, to avoid a ghostly appearance. Creams, off-white, nudes, and different hues of white can be used to maintain the traditional white look without being overbearing. Patterns and textures can also add depth to the overall look.

For the wedding ceremony in a mosque, women may be expected to cover their heads, so bringing a scarf is advisable. The same modesty guidelines apply to the wedding reception, but head coverings are usually not necessary. If the wedding is gender-segregated, the bride may only need to cover her hair for a short period. In this case, hooded capes or ponchos can be a convenient option and can be made more formal with lace, fur, feathers, or pearls.

For Men:

Men are also expected to dress modestly and avoid extravagant clothing. Long pants and modest shirts are appropriate. Men should avoid showing their bare arms. White gold can be worn, but yellow gold is generally prohibited. Pure silk clothing is also not allowed.

General Guidelines:

Both men and women should avoid purchasing or wearing notorious or gender-specific clothing. Clothing that is specific to non-Muslims should also be avoided. It is important to be respectful of the solemn nature of the mosque and the religious ceremony.

Other Considerations:

It is worth noting that Islam does not compel individuals to follow these guidelines, and there is no one-size-fits-all approach. The level of modesty and type of attire may vary based on personal interpretation, culture, and upbringing. Additionally, the couple's specific cultural background may influence the wedding attire, as Muslim weddings can represent various cultures, including Arabic, South Asian, African-American, and Nigerian traditions.

Music and entertainment at weddings

Music is generally prohibited in Islam, and this includes weddings. The Prophet Muhammad is quoted as saying: "Music grows hypocrisy in the heart just as water grows crops [in the field]." This means that music is not allowed at weddings, and it is haram to hire bands to play music during the celebrations, even outside the wedding venue.

However, some couples choose to include music at their weddings, and there are many suggestions online for Islamic wedding songs. These include contemporary Islamic songs, Middle Eastern-style songs, and instrumentals.

Dancing is also prohibited at weddings, as it is considered vain and futile. This applies to both men and women, and women are forbidden from dancing in front of non-Mahram men. However, it is permitted for women to dance for their husbands, and for people of the same sex to dance together as long as nothing haram is involved.

Entertainment at weddings is also heavily restricted. Magic shows and performances are haram, as is inviting musicians to perform. Poets are allowed to recite, as long as it is not in the form of singing.

It is important to remember that a wedding is an act of worship and should be treated with the same respect as any other religious ceremony.

Photography at weddings

While there is no explicit ruling on photography at weddings, there are several Islamic principles that should be considered when discussing this topic. Here are some guidelines and suggestions for photography at Muslim weddings, keeping in mind the cultural and religious sensitivities:

Understanding Islamic Traditions and Customs:

Before photographing a Muslim wedding, it is crucial to understand the various rituals and traditions that may be involved. Familiarize yourself with ceremonies such as the Mehndi (henna night), Nikah (marriage contract), and Walima (reception). By understanding these customs, you can better capture the meaningful moments and respect the couple's cultural background.

Dress Code and Modesty:

Modesty is an important value in Islamic culture. As a photographer, it is respectful to adhere to Islamic dress codes during the wedding. Female photographers, for instance, might consider wearing clothing that covers their arms and legs, and perhaps a headscarf, depending on the specific cultural norms of the couple and their families. Blending in with modest attire demonstrates respect for cultural sensitivities.

Capturing Emotional Moments:

Muslim weddings are filled with heartfelt emotions and joy. Be prepared to capture the love, happiness, and tender moments between the couple, as well as the reactions of their family and friends. Candid shots can often convey the true essence of the occasion, as they capture genuine expressions and interactions.

Respect Privacy and Religious Practices:

During the wedding, be mindful of moments that may require privacy, such as prayer or other religious rituals. Maintain a respectful distance during these times and avoid disrupting the sanctity of these practices. Always seek permission before capturing intimate religious ceremonies, and never intrude upon personal space without consent.

Embrace Cultural Diversity:

Muslim weddings vary greatly depending on the region and cultural backgrounds of the couple and their families. Embrace this diversity and seek to incorporate cultural elements into your photography. Be open to capturing the unique customs, attire, and traditions, creating a visual narrative that celebrates the couple's heritage.

Lighting and Venue Considerations:

Pay close attention to the lighting conditions, as Muslim weddings can take place indoors or outdoors. Familiarize yourself with different lighting techniques, especially in low-light situations, to ensure high-quality photographs. Additionally, be respectful of the venue's rules and guidelines to maintain a harmonious atmosphere during the event.

In conclusion, photography at Muslim weddings requires a thoughtful and respectful approach. By understanding Islamic traditions, dressing modestly, capturing emotional moments, respecting privacy, embracing cultural diversity, and considering lighting and venue conditions, photographers can create a timeless visual record of the couple's special day while honouring their religious and cultural values.

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