Writing Your Own Wedding Vows: A Step-By-Step Guide To Personalizing Your Promises

Writing your own wedding vows is a daunting task, but a few simple steps can help you craft the perfect promises. Firstly, check in with your partner to ensure you're both on the same page regarding the type, style, and length of your vows. Agree on whether you'll be incorporating humour, religion, or traditional elements, and whether you'll be sharing your vows before the big day.

Next, get your ideas down on paper. Reflect on your relationship, jotting down memories, moments you've shared, and the traits you admire about your partner. Think about why you want to marry this person, and what promises you want to make. If you're stuck, answer questions like: When did you first meet? When did you realise they were 'the one'? What do you miss when you're apart?

Once you have plenty of notes, choose the bits that stand out to you, and start shaping them into vows. You might want to include a story or anecdote to bring your love to life and give your guests an intimate look into your relationship. Remember to include specific promises – these are the heart of wedding vows.

Finally, practice, practice, practice! Read your vows out loud – this will help you catch any awkward phrasing, and ensure your promises are clear and complete. Rehearse in front of a trusted friend if you can, and don't be afraid to make edits.

Start with a statement about who this person is to you

Writing your wedding vows is an undeniably touching task, but it can also be a tremendous undertaking. Here are some ideas to help you start with a statement about who this person is to you:

They are your best friend and your compass

"Andrew, you are the partner I've always longed for, and this day is nothing short of my wildest dreams. [...] You are the greatest, most magnificent man I've ever known. I never believed much in destiny or fate until it led me to you. I'd always thought that it would be difficult to find someone who will love me when I'm always scattered in a thousand pieces—kind of like trying to finish a puzzle when you aren't even sure if you have all the right pieces in front of you. But then you showed me that every piece doesn't have to be perfectly in place to create something beautiful. [...] Today, in front of our family and friends, I promise you these things: I promise to love you unconditionally and without hesitation. I promise to always try to give you the best of myself, and even though I can't promise that our love will be perfect, I can promise you that it will be beautiful, whether we're a thousand pieces or just one."

They are your rock

"I, Alex, do pledge you, Sam, my love, for as long as I live. What I possess in this world, I give to you. I will keep you and hold you, comfort, and tend you, protect you and shelter you, for all the days of my life. [...] Today, surrounded by people who love us, I choose you, Alex, to be my partner. I am proud to be your wife/husband/partner and to join my life with yours. I vow to support you, push you, inspire you, and, above all, love you, for better or worse, in sickness and health, for richer or poorer, as long as we both shall live."

They are your soulmate

"Never could I've imagined that the best gift of my entire life would come from my 21st birthday party. Not a materialistic item given from one person to another, but a life, a soul, and a connection given to two at the same time. That's the night we met by nothing but chance of a friend of a friend of a friend inviting you. The night that forever entangled our energies and our atoms. Our paths would have never crossed and I would never have met my soulmate if it weren't for that silly celebration of age."

They are your partner in crime

"I take you to be my spouse. I promise to choose you every day, to love you in word and deed, to do the hard work of making now into always. To laugh with you, cry with you, grow with you, and create with you. To honor the divinity in you, of you, and around you. To be your kin and your partner in all of life’s adventures. Loving what I know of you and trusting what I don’t yet know, I give you my hand. I give you my love. I give you myself. Will you give me yourself? Will you come travel with me?"

They are your strength

"You are my equal in all things, my partner-in-crime, and my entire future. [...] You came into my life when I wasn't looking for anyone and opened my heart in ways I never expected. I was given a second chance at happiness with you and I am eternally grateful for your love. I vow to be your loving and devoted husband/wife, without judgement, without scorn, but always with an open heart and mind."

Write down what it is you love about your partner

Writing your own wedding vows is a daunting task, but it's a great opportunity to express your love and commitment to your partner. Here are some ideas to help you get started on writing about what you love about your partner:

Their Personality and Character

Speak about their unique personality traits and characteristics. What do you admire about them? Are they kind, patient, strong, or funny? Talk about their ability to make you smile or laugh, their sense of humour, their thoughtfulness, or their unwavering support. You could also mention specific qualities like their ability to make you feel safe, their unwavering patience, or their adventurous spirit.

How Your Life Has Changed

Talk about how your life has changed since meeting your partner. How has your world view shifted? Have you become a better version of yourself? Do you feel like you've found your missing piece or your other half? You could say something like, "I didn't know what I was missing until I met you, and now you are my entire world."

Your Partner's Impact on Your Life

Discuss the impact your partner has had on your life. How have they influenced you? Have they helped you grow, supported your dreams, or pushed you to be a better person? You could say, "You've shown me what unconditional love feels like, and I'm forever grateful."

Special Memories and Moments

Recount memorable moments and shared experiences. It could be the first time you met, a funny story from a date, or a challenging time you overcame together. These anecdotes will add a personal touch to your vows and showcase the journey you've been on together.

What Makes Your Relationship Special

Talk about what sets your relationship apart. Is it your shared sense of adventure, your ability to communicate honestly, or the way you balance each other out? Highlight the unique dynamics and special connections that make your relationship so meaningful.

Their Physical Appearance

Compliment your partner's physical appearance. You could mention their beautiful eyes, their warm smile, or the way their hair shines in the sun. You could say something like, "You are my sunshine on a cloudy day."

Your Future Together

Speak about your dreams and aspirations for the future. How do you envision your life together? What goals do you hope to achieve side by side? You could say, "I can't wait to build a family and a home with you."

Remember, these are just a few ideas to get you started. The most important thing is to speak from the heart and let your love for your partner shine through. Good luck with writing your vows!

Use a story to bring this love to life

Sharing a story in your wedding vows is a great way to bring your love to life and make your ceremony more interesting and moving for your guests. Here are some tips for using a story to bring your love to life in your wedding vows:

• Recount a romantic story about how you knew your partner was "the one".
• Share laugh-out-loud accounts of how your first date went horribly wrong.
• Include inspiring narratives about overcoming challenging times together.
• Start with an anecdote or quote, and include at least one anecdote in the middle of your vows.
• Make your story relatable to your guests. For example, you can talk about how you met by chance and how your lives were forever changed because of it.
• Be honest and vulnerable in your story. Talk about the tough times you've endured as a couple and how you've grown together.
• Include specific details and memorable moments that will make your story come alive for your guests.
• Use humour to lighten the mood and make your story more enjoyable.
• Seek inspiration from pop culture, such as movies, TV shows, books, or songs, to help craft your story.
• Practice reading your story out loud to ensure it flows well and is easy for your guests to understand.

Make promises to your partner

Making promises to your partner is a crucial part of your wedding vows. Here are some ideas to get you started:

Reaffirm Your Unwavering Support

Most wedding vows mention standing by your partner's side through good times and bad. You could say something like:

> "I promise to be there for you, in good times and bad. I know that we can make it through anything together."

Share Personal Stories

You might want to recount a romantic story, such as how you knew your partner was "the one", or a humorous anecdote about a time when things didn't go to plan. You could say:

> "I remember when we first met... I knew you were my soulmate. We've grown so much together, and you enrich my life and inspire me to be better."

Make Real Promises

Vows are a serious, lifelong commitment. While you might want to make lighthearted promises, such as always being the one to kill spiders, it's also important to make concrete pledges that you can uphold throughout your marriage. For example:

> "I promise to always support and encourage you, and to challenge and frustrate you."

Acknowledge and Request Additional Support

You could acknowledge the role your friends and family have played in your relationship, and ask for their continued support in the future. For instance:

> "We did not get here today on our own. Our friends and family have supported and encouraged us, and we are so grateful. We ask for your continued support as we embark on this new chapter."

Reassure your partner that you'll be there even when times get rough

Wedding vows are a declaration of your commitment to your partner, and a promise to be there for them through thick and thin. Here are some ideas for how to reassure your partner that you'll be there even when times get rough:

Reaffirm Your Unwavering Support

Most wedding vows mention standing by your partner's side through good times and bad. Wedding officiant, author, and speaker Monique Honaman says, "The reality is: All marriages have cycles of peaks and valleys. It's nice to communicate your intent to get through those valleys together." You could say something like:

> "I promise to be there for you and support you, no matter what life throws our way."

Share Personal Stories

Including a story or two in your vows can make your ceremony more interesting and moving for your guests. It can also be a great way to illustrate your commitment to your partner. For example, you could share a story about a challenging time you've already overcome together, and how you worked through it as a team. You might say:

> "I know that together, we can get through anything. When we faced [challenge], I was so grateful to have you by my side, and I know that we can tackle any future challenges as a team."

Make Concrete Promises

In addition to sharing your love and admiration for your partner, it's important to make concrete promises that show your commitment. These could include promises to support and care for your partner, as well as more lighthearted pledges. For example:

> "I promise to always be there to lend a listening ear and a shoulder to cry on. I promise to bring you chicken noodle soup when you're sick and to always make you laugh, even on your worst days."

Acknowledge Your Community

Your friends and family have likely played an important role in your relationship, and they will continue to be a source of support as you navigate married life. In your vows, you can acknowledge the role that your loved ones have played in your relationship and ask for their continued support. For example:

> "We wouldn't be here today without the love and support of our family and friends. As we embark on this new chapter, we ask for your continued guidance and support as we navigate the ups and downs of married life."

Frequently asked questions