Crafting Your Wedding Vows: A Guide To Writing Your Own Personal Promises

Writing your own wedding vows is a daunting but rewarding task. It is a chance to declare your love and make promises to your partner in front of your friends and family. Here are some tips to help you craft the perfect vows.

Where to Start

Begin by discussing with your partner whether you both want to write your own vows. If you do, agree on the tone and format, and the length of the vows. You might want to include a story or anecdote, or keep things simple with a few short, sweet declarations of love.

What to Include

The traditional structure of wedding vows includes addressing your partner, sharing your love story, and making promises to one another. You might also want to share what you admire about your partner, and your vision for the future. It is a good idea to include 3-6 specific and meaningful promises that will stand the test of time.

How to Write

Condensing your feelings into a few minutes is challenging, so give yourself plenty of time. Reflect on your relationship, and make notes on your memories, and why you want to marry this person. You could also try a brain dump of ideas, and then edit these into a more structured format. Be sure to write from the heart, and don't be afraid to include some humour and sentimentality.

How to Practise

Once you have written your vows, read them out loud, and practise your delivery. You might want to focus on slowing down, and making sure your speed and tone are clear and easy to understand. It is also a good idea to write your vows down, rather than trying to memorise them.

How to start writing your wedding vows

Writing your wedding vows can be a daunting task, but it doesn't have to be! Here are some tips on how to start writing your wedding vows, with a focus on making the process as stress-free as possible.

Start with a Plan

Before you begin writing, it's a good idea to make a plan with your partner. First, decide whether you will write your vows together or separately. Writing them together can take some of the pressure off and make for a memorable experience, but writing them separately can add an element of surprise to your ceremony. You can also choose to write your promises together and your declarations of love separately to get the best of both worlds.

Next, you should discuss whether you will share your vows with each other before the wedding or keep them a secret. Sharing them beforehand can help ensure they are similar in structure, length, and tone. However, this may cause you to second guess what you've written, so it's important to remember that your genuine feelings and experiences can't be wrong. If you keep them a secret, you can always share them with your officiant or a loved one to get individual feedback and ensure they come together harmoniously on the day.

Get Inspired

If you're feeling stuck, try making a list of your partner's qualities that you love and appreciate. Think about your relationship and how it has evolved since you first met. Reflect on milestones and challenges you've faced together, as well as meaningful memories that bring you joy. Consider the moment you knew your partner was "the one" for you.

You can also look for inspiration from other sources. Read examples of vows from real couples, watch marriage scenes from your favourite movies and TV shows, or read poems and books. Put together a playlist of romantic songs, read old letters, or look at old photographs to spark your creativity.

Choose a Tone

Your vows should be a reflection of your personality and your relationship. If you're a silly person, it's okay to write funny wedding vows. If you're more sentimental, go for romantic wedding vows. You can also incorporate inside jokes, but be careful not to include anything too personal or embarrassing that your partner may not want to share with your guests.

Outline the Structure

A good way to ensure your vows have a clear direction is to create a basic structure with a beginning, middle, and end.

• The Past: How We Got Here. Share your journey and the experiences you've had that have strengthened your bond.
• The Present: Why I Choose You. Express what you love about your partner and what they bring to your life.
• The Future: What I Promise You. Share your hopes, dreams, and commitments for your future together, as well as the everyday actions you promise to take to nurture your relationship.

Start Writing

When you finally put pen to paper, don't overthink it. Your vows should be a public love letter to your partner, so focus on sharing your story in your own voice. Remember, your vows don't have to be completely original to be personal. Feel free to take inspiration from songs, movies, books, poems, quotes, and other couples.

Practice and Finalise

Once you've written your vows, don't forget to practice reading them out loud before the big day. This will help you feel more confident and comfortable during the ceremony. Make any necessary edits and finalise your vows at least two weeks before your wedding, so you have enough time to transcribe them into a beautiful vow book.

Good luck with writing your wedding vows! Remember to be yourself, keep it authentic, and don't be afraid to infuse some personality and inside jokes into your vows.

How to structure your wedding vows

Writing your own wedding vows can be a daunting task, but it's a great way to add a personal touch to your wedding ceremony. Here are some tips on how to structure your wedding vows:

Step 1: Start by Setting the Scene

Begin by addressing your partner by name and explaining how you're feeling at that moment. You can talk about how you met, a shared memory, or simply express your emotions. This is a great way to introduce your vows and give them a personal touch.

Step 2: Declare Your Love

Express your love for your partner and share what makes them special to you. Talk about their unique qualities, what they bring to your life, and why they are your perfect partner. This is your chance to speak from the heart and let your partner and the audience know how much your partner means to you.

Step 3: Share What You Love About Your Partner

List the qualities you admire in your partner and what drew you to them. Think about their personality traits, their strengths, and how they inspire you. You can also mention specific things they do that make your relationship special. This section is all about celebrating your partner and expressing your gratitude for having them in your life.

Step 4: Make Promises

Promises are an essential part of wedding vows. Make a mix of sincere and light-hearted promises that reflect your commitment to your partner. Include promises such as supporting their dreams, being honest and loyal, and being there for them through thick and thin. You can also add some humour by promising to always laugh at their jokes or taking out the garbage, no matter the weather!

Step 5: Describe Your Vision for the Future

Talk about how you envision your marriage and your future together. Share your dreams and goals, and express your commitment to working through challenges together. This section is about looking forward and reaffirming your dedication to building a life with your partner.

Step 6: Close with a Loving Last Line

End your vows with a heartfelt statement that sums up your love and commitment. It can be as simple as "I love you" or a more elaborate expression of your feelings. Remember, sincerity is more important than complexity.

Additional Tips:

• Start writing your vows early to give yourself plenty of time.
• Discuss your expectations with your partner, including length, tone, and level of personalization.
• Write down your thoughts and feelings first, then edit and refine your vows.
• Avoid using absolute words like "always" and "never" in your promises.
• Practice delivering your vows aloud to improve your confidence and clarity.
• Keep a copy of your vows in a safe place to avoid losing them before the big day!

How to deliver your wedding vows

Practice makes perfect

It is important to practice reading your vows out loud. This will help you to feel more confident on the big day, and it will also help you to gauge whether your promises are clear and complete. Practising will also help you to find the right speed and tone for your delivery.

Indicate pauses and intonation

Speaking too quickly or mumbling will detract from the moment and prevent your audience from engaging with the content. Be sure to allow time to laugh or tear up without interrupting your flow. Take it slow and focus on breaks, pauses, and intonation.

Ask a trusted friend to listen

To prepare for the actual vow exchange, ask a close friend who is a great sounding board (and a pro at keeping secrets) to listen as you rehearse. They can give you constructive criticism and help you improve your vows to make sure you get your meaning across.

Don't try to memorise your vows

If you forget one word or line, your mind might go blank and you’ll freeze in front of your partner. Write your vows down in a vow booklet or folder, rather than on a piece of paper or your phone.

Get to know your vows well

Never memorise, but get to know the words so well that you can make eye contact with your partner. You don’t want to be glued to your vow book or paper.

Accept your emotions

Don't worry about making a mistake or getting emotional when delivering your vows. This isn't a performance – it's you telling your partner that you love them.

How to make your wedding vows unique

Writing your wedding vows is a daunting task, but it can be made easier by following a few simple steps. Wedding vows are a crucial part of your wedding day and the very reason for the celebration. They are a public proclamation of your love for your partner and the promises you intend to keep. Here are some tips to help you craft unique and memorable wedding vows.

Start with a Statement of Love

Begin your vows by expressing your love for your partner. You can say how they make you feel and what they mean to you. For example, you can say, " [Partner's name], you are my everything. You are my light and have shown me more love than I have ever known." This will set the tone for the rest of your vows and help your audience understand the depth of your love.

Share Personal Stories

Recount a romantic story about a specific moment when you realised your partner was "the one". You could also share a funny anecdote about a time when things didn't go as planned. For instance, you could say, "I knew you were 'the one' when I realised that you truly are a better person than me. I admire and look up to you for all the good you bring into this world." Including personal stories will make your vows more engaging and allow your guests to witness your love story unfold.

Make Solid Promises

While it's important to share your love and admiration, your vows should also include concrete promises. These pledges can be light-hearted or serious, but they should reflect your commitment to the marriage. For example, you could promise to always support your partner, to be their navigator and sidekick in life's adventures, or to be there for them through sickness and health.

Include Inside Jokes or Shared Experiences

Adding a touch of humour or including an inside joke can make your vows more unique and entertaining. However, be mindful to not include anything too personal or embarrassing. You want your guests to be able to follow along and feel included in this special moment. For instance, you could say, "I vow to never keep score, even when I'm clearly winning."

Vision Cast for the Future

Paint a picture of the future you want to build with your partner. Talk about the kind of home you want to create and the life you can't wait to share. For example, you could say, "I promise to build a home with you, a home that is a refuge for us and our future children."

Remember, there is no one-size-fits-all approach to writing wedding vows. Make them personal, speak from the heart, and don't be afraid to infuse them with your unique personality.

How to keep your wedding vows concise

Writing your own wedding vows is a tremendous undertaking. You might feel the pressure to authentically capture your love, hopes, and promises in just a few minutes. Here are some tips to keep your wedding vows concise:

Start Early

Give yourself ample time to write, revise, and procrastinate. Writing anything requires inspiration, so surround yourself with keepsakes, cards, gifts, and anything else that you’ve received from your partner. These objects will remind you of special dates, events, and occurrences that can inspire your words of love and devotion.

Agree on a Format and Length

If you want to keep your vows a little bit of a secret until the big day, you can still agree on a specific format, length, and ground rules with your partner. For example, you might want to discuss whether humour is appropriate and how long the vows should be.

Write Down Your Thoughts

If you're struggling to put pen to paper, try jotting down all of the thoughts that come to mind about your partner and relationship. Beginning with a brain dump will allow your feelings to flow freely, while alleviating any pressure to nail the wording right away. After you get everything on paper, highlight your favourite items and use them in the final copy.

Make a List of the Things You Love

If you’re having trouble getting started, try writing a list of the things you love about your partner, the things you enjoy doing together, and your shared hopes and dreams. Write everything down that you can think of without worrying about how it sounds, and then use your lists to inspire what you write.

Answer Your Own Questions

Make a list of questions and then answer them. This is a great way to inspire yourself based on facts that you already know. For example:

• When was the first time they said: “I love you”?
• What do you have in common?
• What was your first impression when you met?
• What interesting things have you done together?
• What do you love most about them?
• How have they inspired you?
• What activities do you enjoy doing together?

Write, Stop, Write Again

Don’t try to write everything in one sitting. Some of the best writers take breaks from their writing so that they can come back to it with a fresh mind and clearer outlook. You should do the same. Take a couple of hours one day to write and then stop. Come back a day or two later, write some more and then stop again.

Keep it PG

Yes, your wedding vows are supposed to be romantic and talk about your deep personal feelings for each other. That being said, don’t go too far because remember, all of your friends and family will be listening. You probably want to skip any inside jokes that no one else would understand or anything about your sex life.

Keep it Short and Sweet

Wedding vows should only be one to two minutes long. Get to the heart of what marrying this person means to you; pick the most important promises and make them well. If you have more to say, save the more personal thoughts and give your spouse a letter on the morning of the ceremony.

Frequently asked questions